I need IVF for a 2nd baby

[Organiccat]

I'm just looking for any insights or experiences that fellow Mumsnetters might have.

I've been diagnosed with secondary infertility after trying for 3 years to have a second baby. We conceived our first easily. All tests are clear. I'm 38 so I've been told that IVF rather than IUI is my best bet.

I'm trying to decide whether to go for IVF or not, whether to do an IUI cycle or to drop the whole thing. My DH has told me he will support me either way. I'd love another baby, I always thought it would happen eventually and the realisation that I need help now is a bit of a shock. Saying that I'm fed up of TTCing for three years and in another way it's a relief that that hoping is done as it has taken its toll on us.

I don't want to have any regrets. I'd love to hear from any mum's who were in my position and to hear your experiences.

I'm in the same boat. 36 and secondary infertility and would have to have ivf as clomid/letrozole treatment hasn't worked. Ultimatly we chose not to. the Clomid treatment was awful and every month felt a failure. I know I would be devastated to spend upwards of £7000 when the success rate to live birth was around 30%.
I've entered some talking therapy and 6 months post decision life is getting better

We conceived out first dc the first month we tried.

We then tried for three years for our second dc. I was 27 when having first dc and I had a really strong feeling we wouldn’t be able to have a second. I don’t know why. We went and got tested really early on in our quest for dc2 and found that we had male factor infertility so we were recommended ivf with icsi. I was 30 the first cycle and they were really optimistic as I was relatively young and we already had a dc. They said that with how poor dh’s sperm quality we would never conceive naturally.
First ivf cycle failed. Second one failed. Then they started to say maybe I had scarring too from first c section and recommended further highly invasive and expensive procedures (I had no symptoms) and I felt very disillusioned by it all.
We then went for a donor cycle in Spain - which I now deeply regret - and that failed too.

Three years in I conceived naturally.
Explore the ivf options, but don’t give up all hope of never conceiving naturally again. I know that’s hard. Ivf success rates are not great and should be viewed as a course of treatment. If you have three cycles then your odds of conceiving over one of those cycles are quite good - but single cycles not so much.
That said I know people who have had babies off their first cycle and ended up with blastocysts to freeze. I think crucially for us none of our embryos were making it to day 5 - we had day 3 transfers as by day 3 we only had a few embryos still going and they were slow. If you have lots of embryos still developing at day three they will keep them going until day 5.

It’s really hard - and people with multiple kids themselves telling you to be grateful for the child you already have don’t help. Nor do people who get pregnant in the first week of trying each time they want a baby and delight in telling you how easy it was.

have you looked into immune issues? Sometimes when both parents dna are similar - the woman's body sees the first baby as a cancer and so develops antibodies to the baby. But the time this antibodies develop, the first baby is living off its placenta so is not affected. However, any subsequent babies are affected. I ask because if you have immune issues - this would affect your choices. The book is your body baby friendly explains all this. with immune issues, they can suppress your immune system while pregnant to allow you to carry the baby. ARGC IVF clinic do this as do other clinics.

Slightly different as we had IVF for our first son. He took four rounds to get, cost about £15-20k probably, after we'd exhausted (meagre) NHS funding. Our first round post birth, trying for DC2 has just failed. Went abroad this time which was cheaper and a good experience. But one baby from five trust is the sort of reality you could be looking at.

It's physically hard, emotionally exhausting and expensive. But we're doing it anyway. This last round has been easier emotionally, maybe because now we have DS? Or possibly because it's failed so many times before we didn't get our hopes up so much? I think your first attempt will always be hard whether it's for primary or secondary infertility. It was still hard when it failed anyway.

Not sure if that helps 😂

At your age (sorry!) I really wouldn't bother with IUI. Success rates are lower and to me it would just be time (and money) wasting to almost inevitably end up at IVF anyway.

Some of the best advice I was given was to see IVF as a course of treatment, not a magic bullet. Don't expect it to work first time.

If you have the money that it won't cause great financial stress and you feel you and your relationship is resilient enough to cope go for it.

In your position I would go for an consultation at an IVF clinic. My situation is different as I had IVF for my first child but the process wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I was told not to bother with IUI as success rates are low.

I know you said all tests are clear but has your husband had the sperm DNA fragmentation test? It’s not available on the NHS as far as I’m aware but it’s really worth looking in to.

I found having a baby meant I wanted a second so much more
we had 4 rounds of iui and 1 ivf resulting in twins.
it was a long journey but for us the decision wasnt difficult...however if the ivf failed I m not sure how I would have felt

Can I just add - at 38 I would not wait much longer. IUI is less invasive so I would go that option first - but if it fails then prepare to cycle with IVF the next month. I have had several IVFS (one successful) and I highly recommend acupuncture which has been scientifically proven to increase your chances. Also try Oesto to make sure your pelvis is in place as this can be affected after birth and could be tugging at your womb. Good luck.

I would also go straight for ivf.
I assumed your dh has been checked for any issues too?

Physically I found it ok but it’s very time consuming. I was back and forth for scans every day for nearly a week the second cycle.

Hi.

Yep, same boat. 4 years TTC and 2 failed IVF attempts. Now pregnant with miracle baby naturally after reading the book “It starts with the egg” and improving my egg health/quality.

I took the supplements myo inositol (I have PCOS and this got it under control) Super Ubiquinol CoQ10, folate and Vit D. I only drink water from a stainless steel water bottle, never eat food from heated plastic, switched to all eco friendly washing powder, fabric conditioner, shower gel and moisturiser, ate lots of berries, a generally healthy diet and went the gym and lost a bit of weight.

Even if you don’t get pregnant naturally, these changes will massively improve the chance of successful IVF.

Please read “It starts with the egg” it’s an eye opener.

Best of luck! Any questions then i’m happy to help.

Thank you all for replying.

I had a lot of Clomid both 50mg & 100mg but no joy, however now it seems ovulation is not a problem, I guess they were hoping it might help egg quality.

Ittakes2 - I am Rhesus Negative blood type, I had to have a lot of Anti-D on DD1 when I was pregnant as I had spotting a few times, this was to stop my system attacking the baby. I had Anti-D again after her birth to prevent any further issues with a 2nd pregnancy. I'll mention Immunity to my clinic.

TeaKind - DH has had the sperm tests and all is ok. I'll mention that De-Frag one to the clinic. I honestly believe in your own research with this stuff, the clinic don't always tell you everything.

Cheeky - Yes DH has had his sperm checked and would have a relatively healthy lifestyle.

Village - I think I'm so fed up of ttcing because I'm text book healthy. We eat all organic, try to have very few chemicals in the house, I take all those supplements, I am a runner (have had to cut back to keep my BMI healthy), I don't drink much, I don't smoke. I truly believe it must be my age.

Because I have no issues ovulating, I am hoping if I tried IVF that I might get a few embryos. I really don't know, I hope and then I think nothing will work.

I was thinking of looking to be put on Femara instead of Clomid if I did the IUI and see would that work, again another question for the clinic.

@Organiccat With your lifestyle being that way and you already taking Super Ubiquinol CoQ10, you’ll probably find that you get a decent amount of quality embryos if you go down the IVF route. I wouldn’t bother with IUI, the stats are crap. Go for IVF and go for it sooner than later. You’d be surprised at how many bumps in the road there can be and how long the process can take, it’s not always straightforward (although it can be)

Oh, i’d also recommend that you have an “aqua scan” to check for my problems with the uterus, such as polyps or adhesions. They are about £400 but it’s money well spent before an embryo transfer. I can’t remember the proper name for it, but if you google aqua scan or saline scan it should come up.

We did ICSI at the Eugin clinic in Barcelona. They were brilliant and their success rates are really good. We have 6 yo twins.

Hi Ticcy, how much did that cost you? We have connections to Spain so this could be an option.

Thanks Village for all your useful information.. xxx

You have my sympathy OP. The same thing happened to us.

I had first dc at 35 (nearly 36) conceived 1st month, text book pregnancy
Started trying for 2nd dc when I turned 38. I had a weird feeling it wasn't going to happen with no real reason.

Turned out I was right. At 40 I did 2 failed IUI's, 1 abandoned one due to huge cyst. And then an unsuccessful IVF.

We did ALL the tests - nothing found in any of them - no reason ever found.

We eventually gave up hope and started to come to terms with it. Then out of the blue I got pregnant at 45 . 7 LONG years from when we had started. We had to get our heads around this new development and I was concerned about my age etc.

Finally starting to get excited and believe it was really happening when I miscarried at 12 weeks 5 days. Months of devastation and heartbreak followed.

Life can be SO cruel sometimes.

I hope it all works out for you OP x

To be honest my story isn’t very positive (10 years TTC#2 including 6 rounds of IVF & 2 miscarriages) but as hard & expensive as it all was I know I would have always wondered what if, if I hadn’t tried!
If you decide to go for it I would advise you to go straight for ivf! Good luck OP

Organiccat About 5-6 thousand euro or thereabouts iirc, tbh I can exactly remember. If you email them they will tell you. Everyone speaks perfect English. All costs were laid out and it was very clear.

My SIL did ICSI at the same time in England at the clinic that everyone is wow about the results, argc, or something like that. She had the same treatment and it cost them £25k, the initial cost was higher and they kept on adding things which bumped up the cost more. She said some of the equipment was a little outdated and they really cherry picked which couples they took on, I guess to make their results better.

Eugin had the same success rates and they didn't cherry pick. They were fantastic, every person and doctor we met was brilliant. SIL attempt at the London clinic didn't work so they were looking at Eugin for the next try, unfortunately by that point they didn't have the funds.

There's loads of airbnbs in Barcelona so it should be easy to find somewhere to stay and the clinic is pretty central.

Good luck

OP you are still relatively young for IVF (I am the same age as you and I kept getting told how young I was when going for my treatment), and also if you have no specific fertility issues then chances are good for IVF to work.

I was very fortunate to be successful with my first treatment and the treatment itself was no problem, apart from getting used to needles . Good luck whatever you decide