I just want to say - please no judgement, no you got what you deserve. I beat myself up every single second of every day. I’m in CBT. I know all my wrongdoings.
I was married for 25 years. We were/are incredibly hard workers - often working 7 days a week & we built a thriving business. We had everything. House, cars, boats, money - everything.
Somehow we decided to venture into swinging & recreational drug use. We were both on board.
Then we lost everything due to a bad investment.
We were solid but my DH became increasingly unwell mentally until he was eventually sectioned.
He moved out of the family home after the Police were called due to him destroying the contents.
I met someone- he was married. We had an affair. His wife found out after 8 months & he admitted everything & left the family home.
Their divorce was very civilised.
During this time my H sexually assaulted me & broke into my home (I rented a house for my DCs & me).
I felt obliged to be with my ‘lover’ because he’d left his family for me but it never felt right.
Fast forward to 2 years.
We live together. I dread every single day I wake up. He idolises me & treats me like a queen but I love him but I’m not in love with him.
I’m 48 , have no qualifications & I’m so scared of my future.
I feel I can’t leave him because of what he’s / me put his family through.