Separation & children’s services

[Married2young]

Not sure where to start so here goes currently I’m going through some serious sick kind of marriage separation sick because of how toxic it is plus we still live together with our children my wife drinks lager from morning till night she’s very aggressive and abusive (I don’t drink at all) our home is completely disfictional I have to be careful with how I speak & react to her as she she self harms in a very very life threatening way to the point of 30 inch+ scars all over her body & blames me heavily for this but it can be hard to ignore her when she’s saying & doing the things an extremely unhappy alcoholic would not sure if you understand but not things I want to write my children have since been put on a child protection plan & a plo process has started I attend all core groups on my own & all other meetings we have separate solicitors me & my wife & the cs have asked me for names for friends and family for my children to go to if we don’t separate & follow the plan which my wife has not followed as she will not do Midas & continues to drink I don’t want to leave my family home with all my children but she just doesn’t seem to care i know I’ve enabed her to become this person but now I’m codependent I feel trapped & unsure what to do next any advice please

You need to separate and look after your children. End of. Ask her to leave and live elsewhere. This is rock bottom her her, hopefully it will help her diet her selves out but alcoholism is very hard to beat if your enabled.

The alternative is they go to care. Ask the social worker for a urgent referral for therapy to help support you with separating if needs.

I've work in CP for a long time and seen fathers who get sole custody do really well.

The children come first. They have not asked to be in this awful situation yet they are powerless to remedy it. Your wife needs to help herself. Your children deserve a safe home at the very least, I assume she is being abusive and self harming while they are present which is just unacceptable. Please help your children by either leaving with them or getting your wife to leave. I once read a heartbreaking book of a true story of an alcoholic mother and it was absolutely heartbreaking. She done the right thing and left the family home, it was grim for her but it was necessary.