What to do about this friendship, if anything?

[Neverunderfed]

I am starting to think it is unsalvageable tbh. We have been best friends for nearly 20 years, been through a lot together. I have always been more of a support to her than the other way around but only because I'm not the type to ask or need help really....I'm sure she would have been had I asked.

Anyway, we live a few miles from each other and used to speak via text or whatever more or less daily, and see each other with the kids every few days. Sometimes every day in the summer. In and out of each others houses etc.

Then about 18 months ago her eldest started school and she put the youngest in nursery and made new friends that I just can't keep up with tbh. They're all heavy drinkers even during the day and I couldn't hack that even if I wanted to especially as I was pregnant at the time. Over the course of a few months I noticed that I often didn't get replies to messages any more, and if I did they were often declines to meeting up etc. Even simple logistical msgs like "can I pop by and pick up XYZ" went ignored. But whenever I did see her it would be all "oh I've missed you so much, you're like family, I've been such a rubbish friend" etc.

Until one day I just got hacked off with it being such one way traffic and sent a message basically saying that I loved her dearly but the current dynamic was making me feel like shit so I was going to step back. If she wanted to get in touch later then feel free. Instantly got replies along the lines of feeling awful, feeling sick, please answer me , love you so much etc. Which kind of demonstrated that she had been seeing previous messages and choosing to ignore.

Anyway. We have limped along for another year, barely seen each other, but with the occasional call from her to me always finished with "we must catch up, miss you, love you" etc. This last time she yextede something after the call, I replied, we chatted backwards and forwards until I said "free tomorrow, fancy a coffee/walk/whatever" and got no reply. And nothing since.

Being dangled around makes me feel a bit like poo tbh, but it makes me really sad that two decades of friensdht is petering out.

I have to add that I haven't messaged in months, I'm busy and have other friends, but this keeps sticking in the back of my mind. Would you try again to have a chat about it, or just let things slide by now?

I always give lifelong friendships a bit of grace because my lifelong friends are not so much friends as they are extended family so I can go litwrally years without talking to them and then overnight we can be back to talking every single day.

And I think that's because life is long and hard. There are going to be times when you can't offer your friend what she socially needs at this point in time. That doesn't mean she doesn't still love you or want you in her life, just at the moment she needs to have those needs to be met elsewhere.

Agree with knittedjest
She clearly loves and cares about you, you’re just in different places in life at the moment but I don’t see why you should “break up”

I would let things slide :) friendships kind of come and go, people change, diff life choices (like the ones you mentioned, the drinking ect). You said you have some other friends so I would just focus on that. Keep it polite tho, don’t actually say anything as you don’t want it to be awkward if you bump into her. That way you can just have a 2 min chat and then be on your way. It’s upsetting tho, it has happened (similar) to me :)