Should I call her mother?

[FlorencePetal]

Exp in psychiatric hospital after A&E presentation for suicidal thoughts. (Been before a few months ago and was admitted years ago for same)

We are living together because of finances but not together. She ended up in A&E because I started to talk about living situation separation again.

She has 1 friend she doesn't really speak to much.

And her mother who she talks to very Intermittently.

She's said this morning she wants to get out but doesn't feel she is physically safe from herself.

I told her I can't keep her safe and I feel like I'm on egg shells with not being able to talk about anything without her being upset.

She's spiralled and is saying if she kills herself it's not my fault.

When she was admitted I asked if she wanted me to call her friend/mum.

She said no. She wants no one knowing.

But I feel totally overwhelmed here.

I can't do this.

WIBU to send her mum and friend a message saying she is in XY hospital because she is suicidal?

Oh gosh that is a hard one. On the one hand it isn't fair that you are having to shoulder the entire burden of this but on the other hand she doesn't want you to tell anyone. Who is her next of kin? I would be tempted to speak to her mother but possibly not her friend. But I am not sure it would be right iyswim?

Her next of kin is her mother. She did list me when we were together but last time we went A&E she said her mum.

She's on whatsapp saying if she kills herself it's not my fault

I don't know if I should ring the hospital and inform them she is saying that?

Thinking about it further, you are not bound by confidentiality like to doctors are so can speak to whoever you want about this. this is more about betraying her trust. However she is your ex and is seems she is holding you to ransom somewhat. Can you speak to the doctors about this?

If she’s saying that call the police

Cross post. Yes - call the hospital and tell them what she has been saying. This would be the best starting point. They need to make decisions based on her state of mind and you can help them with this.

If she's still in hospital, call them and make the staff aware, yes.

Not much point calling the police if she is already in hospital.

Ring the hospital and her mother. Yes, it's not what she wants, but what she wants is to kill herself so to be brutally frank what she wants isn't a good guide to what you should do right now.

You can't cope with this. She is a danger to herself.

Just think about what she could do. Would you feel content in that eventuality to tell yourself, to tell her family, that you didn't tell people because that's what she wanted? Again, I'm sorry for being brutal but when someone even hints at suicide you have to take them seriously and you have to take steps to protect them.

Hopefully in time she will realise that you've done the right thing.

And even if she never does realise, you'll still know yourself that you've done the right thing.

Why would I call the police when she is already detained in hospital

I will ring the hospital.

She is saying my actions don't affect her and if she kills herself it's no ones fault but her own.

No point in calling the police. It's not a crime to commit suicide. (It used to be a crime, once upon a time, but not now).

She is sharing suicidal thoughts with you. Please call the hospital.

She said she told them this morning she is still suicidal.

She's saying quite a lot though isn't she, none of which indicates that she's thinking rationally. I mean, maybe she's told them in which case they'll be employing strategies, hopefully. But then again maybe she hasn't. You have no way of knowing, unfortunately. And even if she has told them, what she is saying to you is clinically relevant in terms of how they can help her. Please call them.

Of she is on a section then the AMPH will have had to inform her nearest relative, so it may be that they already know.

Personally I think I would inform her mum, as long as they are on good terms. She needs support, and it shouldn't be you.

I also think you need to do something about living separately for everyone's wellbeing.

And yes, inform the staff at the hospital.

OP I know I sound heartless but I'm trying to impress upon you the urgency of the situation.

And I am also speaking from experience. Years ago I had a psychotic breakdown. I confided in a friend about these "truths" I had discovered - variously, that the PM was talking to me through my computer, that there was a plot to kill me, that she was the only person I could trust and she must tell no one. Of course she phoned my friends who turned up mob handed and bundled me into a psych unit.

Man, was I mad. I was fucking spitting feathers - how dare she betray my trust when she was the only one who could help me.

Let me tell you it wasn't pretty.

Of course all my friends were already on board as I'd been gradually losing it for a few weeks and they'd noticed anyway. She didn't betray anything. She saved me. She did the opposite of what I wanted because she knew it wasn't in my best interests to listen to a goddamn word I was saying because, guess what, I was in no fit state to judge what was best for me.

And thanks to her, I'm alive.

Ring them.

You’ve met her mother? And know that they had a decent enough relationship in better times? Then ring her. If they were no contact or she felt her problems stemmed from her family life or something like that, then I wouldn’t.

Sorry I read it as she’d been discharged.

If she’s in hospital phone her mother aka NOK and pass on the details of the ward and the content of the messages and let her deal with it ... or don’t and phone the ward yourself and deal with it for the foreseeable

Her issues do stem from her childhood and partly her mother's actions.

I've only met her mum once in 2 years.

I'm not sure her mum would even visit. Which might make exp abandonment feelings even worse??