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Original poster

How to deal with negative people

17 replies

motheroreily · 05/01/2019 17:47

I have a relative who reacts negatively to everything. It's little things so i can't understand why they do it I feel a bit petty but it annoys me. For example today I explained I was going to asda and their immediate response was "is that the best place?" I've got a new job and they said "oh i wouldn't". Or when i moved into my new house they pointed out the cracked tiles in the bathroom and said it's too far from the shops. I dye my hair "i wouldn't just let your greys show". I don't know the best way to deal with it. Just ignore them? I don't feel like spending much time with them because it makes me feel down. But I love them. I honestly can't think of when they've been positive about any decision big or small I've made

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 05/01/2019 17:51

If it’s your mum you are speaking of then I think we may be sisters! She can be a real fun extractor and has to comment negatively about everything. “ your new glasses make you look fat” being an example.
I smile and ignore and change the subject.

Original poster

motheroreily · 05/01/2019 17:53

Oh no that sounds horrible. It's not my mum. But my relative would say something like "why did you get new glasses there's nothing wrong with your old ones".

OP posts:

Bringbackthestripes · 05/01/2019 17:56

I saw this on another thread the other day.

We call my MIL a dementor as she sucks the happiness from every occasion

I think we all know someone like that. How to deal with them? No idea. I try by changing the subject, making observations about their new scarf/wallpaper/holiday plans or cutting the coffee and catch up short. It’s hard.

Triglesoffy · 05/01/2019 18:01

How do people become like this? They weren’t born negative or where they?

Finfintytint · 05/01/2019 18:05

I don’t think my mum was born negative but she’s had some crappy blows in life and I feel she doesn’t expect much anymore and feels others should share her misery and low expectations sometimes.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 05/01/2019 18:17

It could be two things:

It's a protective measure - do not expect anything positive and you will not be disappointed or hurt.
Being positive calls bad luck.

Effendi · 06/01/2019 13:01

My Mum is like this, plus she complains and moans all the time. Very wearing.

Willbeatjanuaryblues · 06/01/2019 13:19

Mil is the 'dementor' so is mine.

I literally cannot bear to be around her any longer. I think you need to be really careful around people like this, what's your own support system like etc.

I have always been naturally positive in the face of some of the most awful situations.

But being around my pils more earlier in my relationship with dh, really pulled the rug out from under me. They have redefined the whole purpose of life i in a very strangulating peculiar way.

They seem to go agaisnt every small thing that's said. Even though they are well off and shouldn't have to worry about anything I've never known people who worry so much.

I used to come away always feeling wrong footed somehow as if we are all totally mis communicating. Dh did suffer depression whilst living with them and it didn't surprise me.

The only advice I can give is if you they are always like this, and it affects you, cut down the time you spend with them. I can't be anywhere near my pils now and I can hardly bear to even think about them. I wish I'd never met them!! Dementors...

dontneedthedrama · 06/01/2019 14:02

I agree we all know someone like this . I used to work with a lady who was very negative it was painful.
In the case of my colleague she'd had a divorce no children she told me once struggled to conceive and was quite bitter about men . I bet she hadn't always been like that I think it's life has knocked her . I always like to be positive outlook even if I feel down . Maybe I've had a nicer life than her who knows or maybe some people enjoy being negative.

VamillaSugar · 06/01/2019 14:56

maybe some people enjoy being negative.

I think that’s the key. Some friends had their house destroyed by fire but they are 99% positive about it. I think we’ll let them off the 1% of pissed-off-ness!

My DM, however, sinks into a pit of despair if it starts to rain on a sunny day

SexNotJenga · 06/01/2019 15:03

I think negativity is contagious. The nature of my job means I deal with people who are feeling pretty rubbish for much of my working week, so I avoid it like the plague in my free time.
I have a close family member who is a bit of a misery-guts and I deal with them by trying to remember to point out their negativity each time they say something needlessly negative. It seems to help keep them quiet, and helps me remember that their perspective isn't necessarily realistic or helpful.

SexNotJenga · 06/01/2019 15:03

Trickier if it's in-laws though.

Original poster

motheroreily · 06/01/2019 20:25

Thank you for the replies. It's not an in law. It's one of my blood relatives. I mentioned something i was going to do and they were positive so that was good. Ha ha. I do feel sorry for them it must be a miserable life. But it's so draining being around them

OP posts:

Moussemoose · 06/01/2019 20:31

My DM can be very negative. She was away on holiday for two weeks came back and complained for hours. I sat and listened as she said not one positive thing about her whole trip.

I find it very, very difficult it really brings me down.

Also, she doesn't want any help or suggestions. She complained bitterly about something you say "well you could try this" and she is then mad at you.

Your role is to sit and listen and commiserate. I have to bit early my lip and struggle to be quiet. It just drains my life out of me. If it was anyone else I wouldn't see them. I can't go NC with my DM because she complains too much and has a tendency to whine.

God I find it hard though.

VamillaSugar · 06/01/2019 20:39

Maelstrop · 06/01/2019 21:23

If there's negativity about you, your choices/house/job, pull them up on it. Ask them why they are always negative. Ask them if they realize they are so negative! It's so annoying!

I found myself putting down people's actions in a sort of ha ha pisstake/banter manner recently and realised that I was just being negative and actually quite insulting. I've made a big effort to change this.

Moussemoose · 06/01/2019 21:31

Trouble is when I pull my DM up it makes her more miserable. Her eyes fill with tears and she says she needs someone to share with because she is a widow.

I am standing in my kitchen with my loving and supportive DP, my job and my DC and her lip is trembling because she has to go home to an empty flat.

I am being manipulated, she knows it, I know it, my DP knows it, the fucking cat knows it but what do I do? She's a widow.

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