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Original poster

We have never left our children overnight.

23 replies

NewPinkSocks · 05/01/2019 15:05

And we have been given a gift of a hotel stay.

Im obviously happy for the gift and appreciate it very much but our children have never had anyone other than me or DH overnight and in the morning. They are 3 and 5. I have spent 2 nights away from them over their whole lives but they were with DH.
Im feel anxious about leaving them, any tips or advice? ...

TIA

OP posts:
Shazafied · 05/01/2019 15:09

Can’t they go with you?

MissMalice · 05/01/2019 15:09

The first time is always scary. Make it into a fun adventure for them. Of course they may be unsettled by a new arrangement but it’s unlikely anything bad will happen as a result of you taking a night away.

Drum2018 · 05/01/2019 15:09

Who can you leave them with? Do you have family who they see regularly? If so they should be fine, especially if someone can come and stay at your house so the kids are in familiar surroundings.

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Original poster
NewPinkSocks · 05/01/2019 15:21

The gift came with the children having a sleep over. I would rather take them with us bit Inthink ot was more of a couple gift for us to use together.
Only in the past 6 to 12 months have they been getting closer to them. It would be family and I know they would be fine but they still wake in the night and things and O worry if they cant be settled.
Im not sure I would enjoy being away.
I think they should stay at home im guessing their own surroundings would be best. Its just so nerve wracking.
I guess if we are close too we could come home.

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/01/2019 15:24

Is it far? At that age they should be fine.

sorenipples · 05/01/2019 15:24

Is the point of this gift that the giver wants the children over for a sleep over?

Do you or DH want a night away from them?

Avebury · 05/01/2019 15:26

Honestly at 3 and 5 they are old enough to understand exactly what is going on and exactly when you will be back and to be bribed with treats and fun activities while you are away.
Much better to have this first night without you pre planned and as an exciting adventure than it happening in a sudden emergency or something.
Part of our job as parents is to foster independence and to make our children confident and sometimes that comes from navigating the world without us right by their side.
It's one night, what's the absolute worst that can happen? Now stop worrying and go and enjoy it!

DarkStorm · 05/01/2019 15:29

I think they are old enough to be left with loving care-givers. Agree with PP that it is our job as parents to help our children become independent. It’s healthy for them to form bonds with other people. You don’t need to be surgically attached to them their whole childhoods.

Go and have a fun time.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 05/01/2019 15:34

Avebury has it nailed!

Original poster
NewPinkSocks · 05/01/2019 15:36

Sorenipples no its more of the fact they know me and DH never have any quality time together and I do like hotel stays as a treat not that I've had one for years!

PP's totally agree aboit the independence we do need to do that more. When the eldest started school that was a shocker.

I will book the hotel up then but just syay close, we can choose from a variety and there is one 30mins away.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 05/01/2019 15:39

If they're restless and unsettled its one night. Youll be back within 12 hours. Think of the sleep!!

KatharinaRosalie · 05/01/2019 15:42

They are not babies any more, they will understand that you will be back. Make it a fun adventure for them.

LIZS · 05/01/2019 15:44

Maybe have a few evenings out with a babysitter for them , so they are used to going to bed for someone else. Often they are less difficult than with parents.

kaytee87 · 05/01/2019 15:48

If you're leaving them with someone you trust then absolutely go and enjoy it.

DH and I had a full day and night away recently, it was amazing! We really chatted, laughed, enjoyed each other's company and had spontaneous sex before we went out for dinner!

sorenipples · 05/01/2019 15:48

If this is something you want then you should go for it! If you're kids are nervous about it can you build up gently, maybe having a baby sat date night first?

As OP said they are old enough to reason with, and understand it is just for one night.

If you don't want to leave them that is also fine, in my day plenty of kids didn't do a night away from home until aged about 10 and still grew up fully independent.

Moominfan · 05/01/2019 15:50

Avery couldn't have put it any better

nos123 · 05/01/2019 15:58

It would probably be good for the children to experience a night away from you. You’ll build trust and give reassurance that though you may go away briefly, you’ll always still be there for them and come back and that they’re still safe even when they’re not constantly with you.

PerspicaciaTick · 05/01/2019 16:00

In my area there is a structured approach to building independence which includes (among other activities) a 1 night sleepover in school for y2s; a 2 night sleepover at an activity centre in the same town for y4s and a 4 night residential trip in y6. Lots of children will also be doing sleepovers with family and/or brownies, beaver etc ahead if the school events.
A preplanned sleepover with a trusted family member sounds like an excellent way to start.

Pfingstrose · 05/01/2019 16:02

What a wonderful thoughtful gift! If you trust that you children are in safe hands then definitely go for it!

Pieceofpurplesky · 05/01/2019 16:05

They will probably love the idea of a sleepover.

Kaykay06 · 05/01/2019 16:09

Mine don’t really ever go overnight with other people, my parents live 500 miles away and their others are fairly elderly and feel it would be too much. I’m a lot younger than their son and all the other grandchildren are teens.

If you’re happy leaving them build up, evening out left with them, then a day and see how you get on, or just take them with you there’s no law that says kids need to go on sleepovers. Mine won’t do friend sleepovers either it’s not really a thing yet (7&8)

But if you do go have a lovely time it’s good for you to have couple time.

Aria2015 · 05/01/2019 16:24

Went away for the fist time overnight last year. I was in tears about it but ended up having a lovely time with dh and lo was spoilt rotten and didn’t bat an eye that we were gone. All I can say is that the thought is worse than the deed and it did me good because I now feel more relaxed should I go away again.

Believeitornot · 05/01/2019 16:26

It’ll be fine.

We’ve only left our dcs rarely but now they’re older I wish we’d done it more! It was definitely my issue of leaving them.

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