Time for another baby?... I'm so confused

[ThePurpleOneIsOverrated]

Hi,

I already have this running on the Relationships board, but thought I'd be greedy and post here too.

Just to give you a bit of background, I had my first baby at 22. Was unplanned and was in a toxic relationship. Not in it anymore.

I'm now 34 and in a same sex relationship. Very committed, have been together 6 years and are now married.

The past 3 or so years, the conversation has come up as to whether we should look into having more children, probably through sperm donation (we kept trying, but no miracles yet grin ) However, I think last year, we sort of quietly made our peace with the fact we wouldn't, for various reasons. One being dps career is really taking off and she wants to focus on that. Another being that my dc has certain struggles and takes up a lot of my time. Lastly, we thought should we just celebrate the fact that when we're in our 40's, we'll have an 18+ year old and so will have lots of time for us. One of the benefits of having children young I suppose. Not that I ever actually want her to leave! grin

But.... I recently can't stop thinking about babies. Extending our family. I have to say, it sometimes doesn't feel complete and like there's something missing. I know my dc would absolutely love a sibling, even at this age, knowing they won't be play mates. She'd be a teenager afterall.

If dp was a man, I'm almost certain we would have gone ahead and had at least one more, but because the process is much harder in our situation, it's given us time to step back and really think. I don't know if this is a good thing or not.

I know nobody can tell me go ahead or not, but feeling very confused and could really do with some words of wisdom.

I actually had a dream last night that I had a baby. Well, more a toddler, who I think we adopted and I felt this overwhelming love for him. I woke up and actually cried when I realised he didn't really exist confused

Anyway, as I say, really appreciate your thoughts.

Thanks.

Just giving this a bump

I think people rarely regret the children that they have. Perhaps you should talk to your partner about it again. Her feelings may have changed too.

When you say 'quietly made peace' do you mean you didn't actually have a proper conversation about it, it just sort of slipped off the agenda? Even if you did have a proper conversation it is okay to change your mind. You should talk to your partner,say this is turning out to be more important than you expected, and take it from there.

Juan, this is true. I think she would have said if she'd have changed her mind though.

Minor, well it was quite strange really. We were talking about what we wanted in the future and we were discussing the cons possibly outweighing the pros if we were to have another dc. We didn't say, ok that's it then. Let's take it off the table, but I remember when we had finished talking about it, we held each others gaze longer than usual and it just kind of felt final iyswim. Like we'd made the decision, but didn't want to verbalise it. A look can say a lot I suppose.

Maybe I should just get into child minding

Might take the edge off the broodiness or could have the opposite effect