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Original poster

21 kids and counting: How many is too many when it comes to children?

58 replies

JeanClaudeVanMam · 04/01/2019 14:22

Astounded watching this last night! I'd love more kids - but 21?! Imagine the noise!

www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/mum-21-counting-brood-reveals-15630245

OP posts:
retainertrainer · 04/01/2019 14:29

1’s been enough for us-taking into account health problems and finances it was as far as we could stretch and it’s working out well so far (10 years in).

I just can’t get my head around 21. How do they tuck them all in at night? Listen to them all read? Answer all their questions? Comfort them if they wake in the night?

Nothisispatrick · 04/01/2019 14:30

FYI the other thread on this was deleted. I get the impression talking about this family is a no go on MN.

Elfinablender · 04/01/2019 14:32

I don't know. I have three. Four would be too many for me. I think most people stop when they feel a squeeze in resources, whether that's time, money or patience.

As for too many. I don't know. Enviromentally speaking, probably one. People will be along soon, if they have already as I am the slowest ever typer, and say that when you have X number of children that they don't get enough attention. I think that's flawed thinking tbh because it deminishes all the added attention that you get with having an abundance of siblings.

That being said, you couldn't pay me enough to have more and test my theory.

missmouse101 · 04/01/2019 14:33

Two is more than enough for me.

retainertrainer · 04/01/2019 14:33

But a child needs attention from their parents not just their siblings.

Elfinablender · 04/01/2019 14:37

Yeah, but not as much as is encouraged in modern day perenting. I think parents need to be around and drop into the foreground and background, as required but I don't think the intensive quality one-on-one time is necessarily required at the level promoted.

Isadora2007 · 04/01/2019 14:37

I dont think you can choose a number- though I do think a larger age gap between siblings is beneficial so a baby at least gets mum to itself for a little while. Though that would suggest twins are less than optimal for baby development which is not true...
I will say that whilst I dont think they are ideal (and I do believe both parents have some issues that could do with being addressed rather than carrying on procreating) neither do I think they should be vilified and they are a damned sight better than many actually neglectful or cruel parents of one or two siblings.

EinsteinsAbsolutelySoberHCB · 04/01/2019 14:37

I have 4, and if I'm perfectly honest, at times I think that it's just too many.

It's bloody difficult ensuring that they all get equal time and attention.

Elfinablender · 04/01/2019 14:39

Obviously, it's not the set-up I have but I could imagine being among a tribe of kids might mean a different style of family life that was different but not necessarily worse.

EinsteinsAbsolutelySoberHCB · 04/01/2019 14:39

That sounds like I regret having 4, I don't......but definitely wouldn't have anymore.

HoustonBess · 04/01/2019 14:42

I think one or two is ideal, more than four is problematic. The world is overpopulated.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/01/2019 14:43

Elfin I am assuming some of the older girls would rather there were't so many younger siblings as they seem to get lumbered with childcare/chores whereas the boys don't

Babdoc · 04/01/2019 14:43

I suppose on a personal level, the parents are free to have as many kids as they can afford. But it’s rather selfish in terms of the overpopulation of our planet, particularly as children born in the West use far more scarce resources and consumer goods in a lifetime and create far more pollution than third world children.
We are already beyond capacity- if all the world’s people had our standard of living we would need between two and a half and three “planet Earths” to sustain it all.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 04/01/2019 14:47

My dh and I were discussing this last night. I'm 1 of 6, all close in age, and I said the amount I 'got away with' growing up was mainly helped by the fact my parents had so many of us to keep tabs on. There were many times things were missed or we were left to deal with things on our own as there just wasn't enough time for us all. I love my parents and siblings and couldn't imagine a different childhood, but we will be stopping with 2 dc ourselves.

Elfinablender · 04/01/2019 14:47

Elfin I am assuming some of the older girls would rather there were't so many younger siblings as they seem to get lumbered with childcare/chores whereas the boys don't

If we are talking about the Radcliffe's then I might agree with you - although I'd have to Google first but on a general question of how many is too many, then I maintain that there might be a way to have a larger family with no great qualitative impact as a result of less one-on-one time with each individual child because it may be mitigated by a large sibling group.

GobblersKnob · 04/01/2019 14:48

Agree 1 or 2 is ideal. There are way too many people on the planet. 0 is probably also good.

PaddyF0dder · 04/01/2019 14:55

We’ve got 3. We intended to have two, but twins happened.

3 feels enough. Quite often, in fact, it feels like too many. But they’re all still pre-schoolers so I’m hoping it’s gets easier.

But it’s hard giving them all the time they need. You always feels like you’re just giving the bare minimum love and attention. I can’t inagine how you would properly parents 21 kids. I’d worry that actually you just can’t.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 04/01/2019 15:00

Double figures here.
No regrets but def wouldn't recommend it!!.
The vast amount of clothes +shoes never mind toys /bikes /prams involved is mahoosive.
The emotional +financial weight is humongous but returned tenfold in love and mutual respect.

Redcrayonisthebest · 04/01/2019 15:02

Depends on the individual. I dreamed of having a large family but actually stopped at 1 due to a lot of different factors. I get twinges of regret but know that overall I made the right choice. I know people who are wonderful parents to 3.4 or 5 kids though. Grew up with a family with 7 kids and their house was always a bit chaotic with not enough to go round.

Lemoneeza · 04/01/2019 15:03

One is more than enough for me.

madmum5811 · 04/01/2019 15:04

My friend is one of 11. They all helped out with the little ones. It worked for them she said.

TeacupDrama · 04/01/2019 15:05

I am the eldest of 5 it is a large family but we got our parents time as my Mother was SAHM I think once you get beyond 6-7 it is too many

I just have 1 DD would have liked 2 but was 40 when she was born

personally I think 1-3 average family 4-6 large family 7-10 very large family, more is ridiculously large

LokiDokiArtichoki · 04/01/2019 15:09

I had 2 close together in my very early 20’s. Always said no more. Thought 2 was more than enough.

Marriage broke up, met someone else and decided to have another together.

Dd is 15, ds is 14, ds2 is 18 months and I’m pregnant with dd2.

It’s weird because although I’ll soon have 4 children, they’re in 2 sets of 2, and I don’t think I’d have coped with 4 all similar ages.

Redgreencoverplant · 04/01/2019 15:10

For environmental reasons I think 2 is enough. From an attention point of view I think 2-3 although if there were large gaps I think it would be possible to have more and still give plenty of attention. For example a 20 year old, a 14 year old, an 8 year old and a toddler would be fine I think.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/01/2019 15:10

Well I stopped at one.
That was because I didn't want anymore, though. Not for monetary reasons. I think because DD was such an easy baby, no sleepless nights, ect
I thought oh I would never be that lucky if I had anymore, and probably end up with one like me. (Only sleeping an hour a day and screamed the whole time.) I honestly don't know how my parents coped.
A gang of kids would be my worse night mare.Even if I was billionaire.
Dont get me wrong I adore kids along with puppies and kittens, but as long as I can give them backGrin.
However they'd probably hate just having the one. Its very much a personally choice, isn't it.