Tell me about overcoming dentist fear

[Tobuyornot99]

Hello lovely Mumsnetters, I'd like some stories of bravery, or alternatively a kick up the bum.
My teeth and gums are awful, I haven't been to the dentist in about 8 years. I've got bad breath, gum disease, and the most offensive looking teeth.
I've bitten the bullet and booked an appointment with a private dentist who specialises in nervous patients. Our local NHS dentist is a huge man mountain with no time for messing about and fear (I take dd there so I've met him).
Can anyone inspire me similar experiences that have turned out well? I'm absolutely petrified and would love a hand hold.

I had a horrendous experience at the dentist's when I was very small which left me with an absolutely terror of dentists. So - I was determined not to be beaten but needed some help. I got stress balls to help me when I was there; the most lovely dentist possible (NHS, fortunately!); and finally, my lovely GP prescribed me a couple of calming tablets which lasted just long enough! Everything went fine and I have good teeth and a dentist who wants me to keep them. The very best of luck to you. You've taken the first and most important step, and trust me, when you have been, and have a nice clear plan about what will happen, you will be so proud of yourself. It's a great thing to be able to conquer your fear.

Mild thank you so much for your lovely kind reply. It's brought a little tear to my eye, I'm such an idiot to have let things get so bad, but there's hope going forward.

This was me a few years back. I found a dentist who said they specialised in nervous patients, and I got in touch with them by email. I got a lovely reply, and was told to drop in when I was in the town for a chat - which I did. He and his team were so kind. I still feel nervous going, but not as bad as I did - nowhere near. Good luck!

I had a massive dentist phobia and avoided going for a few years. Then a bad infection made me get over it! I went and it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought. I then had to have a tooth out and was on the verge of tears when I went in, but it was loads better than I’d expected. I came out buzzing as I’d been so calm whilst he did it!

I’m still nervous about the dentist, but am determined to keep going and get my teeth sorted. I’m actually contemplating a brace, which means a lot of trips to the dentist so I wouldn’t have thought about that before.

Remember, they’re really used to nervous patients. Be honest and tell them you’re nervous, and ask for a hand sigma you can give if you want them to stop briefly. Is this appt just a checkup?

Thanks for the support! Do you have any tips, I like the idea of a stress ball. Maybe they'd let me listen to an audio book with earphones or something too to drown out all the noise?
It's just a check up, but as I've neglected my mouth so badly everything is quite tender and inflamed, so I think it may be uncomfortable

I used to have a huuuge dentist phobia (running out of the chair and down the street happened more than once, and I used to cry if people described dental treatment...) but now I'm totally fine - I even had a root canal recently with no bother! So I really think if I can get to being OK then probably anyone can.

For me the most important thing was making sure the dentist understood what it was I was scared of (CBT helped me to work this out as it was childhood trauma stuff I'd blocked out) and could put in steps to help - I had a dentist who specialised in phobic patients who helped me with this, but had been to previous dentists who didn't quite get it. So hopefully your new dentist will be the one, but if you feel that they're not quite listening to you or understanding what you're feeling then don't be afraid to go somewhere else. If they really do 'do' nervous patients they will be happy for you to do as little as you're comfortable with on the first appointment - it might be that you only sit in the chair!

Remember you are in control and you will be fine!

I hadn't been to the dentist from the age of 10 to 25 as I was scared. I looked around a found a lovely dentist. I needed so much dental work, but he was so patient and took it very slowly and chatted to me throughout.

He has subsequently retired but the new dentist is just as good.

So the best advice is to find a dentist you are comfortable with. The fear is always worst than the actual procedure.

I have had root canals and a tooth removed and have never felt a ounce of pain once during treatment.

My dentist understands, staff all sympathetic, the assistant even holds my hand (and I am hemhem well over 50).

It stemmed from a childhood dentist, he was known as The Butcher fgs why did my parents ever start going to him. This was back in the 70s when dentists did unnecessary work iirc. Plus dentistry nowadays is about prevention, hence being understanding of nervousness. A patient put off by a bad experience won't be a return customer, makes business sense too.

Same here. I did the same and found a dentist who specialises in nervous patients. The first time I went to her I burst into tears I was so anxious! I need a lot of work done because I've neglected my teeth for so long due to my fears but I find that she understands my fears and involves me in decisions about my treatment which really helps. It's still very nerve wracking going to get my dental work done, but it's manageable and I feel so much better that I'm eventually getting things sorted. You'll feel so much better once you've had your first appointment.

FlibbertyGiblets he wasn't in the North East, was he?

OP - a lot of the problems will be with your gums, and the dentist will give you a lot of advice and support about hygiene. My gums used to bleed all over the sink when I was brushing, which was mortifying. Now - not a trace of blood. Like Dancer says, you'll be buzzing coming out just because you've been!

When I had a tooth out, I was allowed to listen to music through headphones. It was great as it helped me to focus on something else. I also shut my eyes so I could be more distracted.

I was very phobic and then my worst dentist fear happened when my front teeth had to be removed after an accident. DH had to hold my ankles while the nurse held my hands because I was shaking so much.
I had 2 years of intensive reconstruction and, whilst it hasn't cured me, it has desensitised me. Apart from the time DD headbutted me in the face and all my precious bloody bridge work got knocked out.

Oh but she was 2 and doing the head first toddler tantrum thing. Just got unlucky.

Ask about sedation. It makes it so much better. I've had gas and air sedation and oral sedative. Both worked brilliantly. You're awake and aware but the terror is gone.

I am a dentist, I don’t do sedation or anything but I have treated lots of very nervous patients.
Firstly don’t worry for a second about the state of your mouth, teeth, breath or anything like that. We’ve seen it all before and don’t judge. If you are given oral hygiene/ diet advice it isn’t a judgement either, it’s just prevention for future.
What worries you? Lack of control- put the patient back in control - firstly all treatment decisions are yours. You will be given options, pros and cons of those options and you decide what you want doing.
Treatment - local can be made as painless as possible. Sedation is an option but often people are OK as long as you are nice to them, make sure it’s numb, stop when they need you to etc.

I hate dentists. Have bad teeth (hereditary). My dad told me the tale of his demon dentist back in the 50s who told him 'You have weak teeth, might as well pull them all now!'
He was only 12, had gone for a check up. Then dentist pulled 6 healthy teeth. He went to bed and almost bled to death.
He was lucky my Nan found him in time.
Anyway, I digress...
I had massive fillings done back in the 80s and of course over the years the teeth themselves start to 'shatter'.
Had one do that just before Xmas. I had an appointment on the 21st December 2018 to have a scale and polish, but it turned into something else entirely.
It turned out that my molar had cracked right down the middle. It had to go.
I had a long running sinus infection as well, Dentist started to talk about hospital and was not sure she could pull it.
Long story short...
Five injections, two drinks of glucose (as they thought I might faint) and lots of tugging and pulling and weird noises (from me).
If all came out, no problem and is healing nicely.

Dentists are MUCH nicer than years ago. Trust me!

I had a good chat about my phobia with the dentist when I went to see one whilst I was pregnant. He made some good points that put things into perspective.

First its a socially acceptable phobia which enables the fear.

Second its a HUGE position of trust. With doctors you go when you know something is wrong but you have to trust the dentist to tell you when you need work even though you may be unaware. Also having someone's fingers in your mouth is very intimate, something that we very rarely do in the rest of our lives.

Most dentists have no bother about you using headphones (I tend to listen to the same radio station they have on anyway, but blocks out some of the noise) and I lift my hand if anything hurts and he stops straight away (only happened once).

Injections are uncomfortable but can be numbed beforehand if you request it.

Finally the most important thing for me was about not passing my phobia on to my DD. No one else will be able to take her to the dentist when she's old enough so I can't be scared around her.

Joining in! Had a heart murmur as a child and had to have medicine to counteract it. My mum was told I would lose all my teeth but I was lucky, lost front two at aged 10 (had denture fitted) then next tooth out at 22 and one at 36. All gone downhill from there, I’m so frightened it makes me ill! I have been to the dentist when in absolute agony with abscesses and got antibiotics but now not been for 3 years. I have lost 7 teeth since then and broke my denture so can’t smile at all, my remaining top teeth are rotten but I don’t know what to do. Not eligible for benefits but whilst now I work have a huge overdraft and debts so can’t afford dental treatment I did go to a dentist 4 years ago that advertised for nervous patients but she was horrible! I spend a lot of time panicking bout my teeth but without money I’m buggered. Best wishes OP. Xxx

Firstly what is it you are scared of? Is it lack of control, judgement, pain? Think about what it is that scares you. When you get to the dentist tell them what it is thats worrying you, I always try my best to help dental phobic patients, and most of the time we can get treatment done together with very little need for sedation however it's so much easier if we can both know what it is that scares you. So I can reassure you, or adapt what I'm doing to help. You are always in control, they can't do any treatment you don't want and you can always stop treatment at any time.

The dentist absolutely won't judge, we have seen it all a million times, probably even that morning! They will only help. Even as above if we give you loads of advice this is only to help prevent problems in the future, which is especially great if you are dental phobic! It is not a judgment on the past only to help in the future.

I've honestly had the most terrified people come in, who won't even cross the threshold let alone sit in the chair who have left having root fillings, extractions, crowns. You name it. With some people it takes time and careful planning, some people find headphones with podcasts or audiobooks helpful. Some people like stress toys and fidget types things to play with. It's often about working out how you can best cope with treatment, and if you can't there's always sedation.

I'm a dentist and I'm really scared of needles, like petrified. When I have blood tests they have to hold me down, i cry and I'm a total mess. So I completely understand when people come in and they are anxious. I completely understand why people can put off coming to the dentist because I know how much it can take to go into a surgery when you are that scared. But I also know that you can do it! Go to the first appointment, it will only be a check up, some x-rays. Then you can find out what needs doing and make a plan best suited to you! Good luck OP

@DishranawaywiththeSpoon Just wondering - as you have a phobia of needles, how do you manage to give injections to your patients? Doesn’t that scare you too? Or is that fine as it’s not you receiving it?

Dancer not any more! It used to a lot, I didn't really think that one through haha when I went into dentistry! I basically did exposure therapy on myself, all the techniques you are supposed to use on your pateints I used on myself when I was at uni.

My ex h and dd have red hair which makes them feel pain more acutely so both had problems with the dentist. They took Xanax, listened to calming music and took more than the normally necessary prescribed pain pills. Both got thru it and both now take much better care of their teeth! Also they discussed with dentist their fears.

I hear you OP, I’ve not been to the dentist for about 7 years, an abcess in August forced me to go. The dentist I saw said I needed a tooth removed and lots of other work but that there was no way they would be able to do it for me (due to the phobia). I am very lucky that I live near kings dental hospital, I’ve been referred there. I had the tooth pulled out under sedation just before Christmas and am due back in a few weeks so they can asses what other work needs to be done (I plan to ask the dr for something to calm me down before that appointment). They have made an appointment for me to see a psychologist which will hopefully help too.
My advice would be to see if you have a dental hospital near you, if you don’t you can pay for sedation which I would definitely recommend.

Finally I have found asking them to use plastic tools rather than metal helps a bit.

Not a massive fan of needles if they’re going into me either. Having IVF cured me of that one.
Don’t go in and say you hate the dentist, it isn’t helpful. Just say you’re scared.

Save up for Twilight Sleep Sedation.

It's a winner alright. You wake up and everything is done, and the drugs used are designed so as you do not remember anything during the treatment.

You need someone to collect you from the surgery though.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.