Tips for going back to work - single parent, I have huge guilt.

[lattesforlife]

I have always been self employed since DS was little, essentially so I can be there for him and work around his school routine.... but I am broke. DS dad doesn't pay maintenance, and sees him rarely. There is literally just me, and I am struggling.

I was offered a full time job today, 35 hours. I can do it in my sleep, and the money will take ALL the pressure off me. I feel SO guilty though. It will mean us being out the house 7.40am - 6pm. I will need to keep up my self employed business alongside this too.

Tell me this isn't too much for a 7 year old? Tell me how I can make this work for us both? Tell me how my house isn't going to dissolve into a shit tip and my son a feral beast?! Give me all your tips and tell me I am doing the right thing and not scarring DS for life by going back to work!

Congratulations on the job offer. It'll take some adjustment but it is doable. My top tips are;

Find childcare that you (& importantly) your DC is happy with. I went for a childminder as preferred to have DS in a home environment where he would also have a home cooked meal. Also helped during school hols.

Get a cleaner - it's very hard to keep on top of housework and chores working those hours and otherwise your weekend will get take. Up doing chores instead of having quality time with DC - which you miss out on during the week.

Do big food shop online - the last thing you need is to have to trail round the shops on a weekend.

The Mum guilt never leaves but providing you're both happy with the arrangements you'll both adjust.

Good luck

Thank you

For childcare I will use school clubs during term time, but ds is private so has 20 weeks holls a year.... I have NO idea how I manage that.One step at a time though - he can do holiday club for feb half term so I can buy myself some time to figure it out before Easter.

Will def look at a cleaner and doing a weekly big shop. How do you feed your kids if you don't get in till so late? DS is usually in bed for 7, I can't figure out how to do everything in that single hour we have once we get in!

Do you miss your kids during the week or is it okay?

I manage school hols by eeking out my annual leave so I have 2-3 days each week off over school hols to save on childcare costs.

I used a childminder specifically because she cooked dinner for DS so by the time we got home we just did the bedtime routine and I devoted my time to him. Once he was in bed I'd cook myself dinner. Otherwise I'd say plan and prep as much as you can at weekend so you can whip up quick dinners for when you get home.

You'll work your way through it and I'm sure your son will be proud of his hardworking Mum.

Oh and the missing bit. Yes I did miss him terribly when he was smaller. He'd sometimes fall asleep in the car on way home from childcare so I hardly saw him at all through the week. It all felt very functional. I got through it by absolutely making the lost of the weekends and holidays.
My DS is almost 12 now so obviously he is up later on an evening and also more self sufficient. We left his childminder at the end of last year and we cried buckets. She's been such a big part of his life.