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Original poster

Wedding abroad

15 replies

octoberbaby2010 · 03/01/2019 13:21

How do you tell someone you won't be attending their wedding aboard?
Partners brother is getting married in another country and I have never flown before the thought of flying and being that far from home really scares me! I've lived a life of anxiety and partner knew I'd probably never go abroad when we first got together, I've just had a message from sil to ask if we have passports sorted etc,.. now I have to tell her that me and dd aren't going but partner is, how do I do this without causing a drama or upset, my reasons are my anxiety I really don't think I could do it and also money is quite tight for us at the moment, my Dd has never been away from me and I don't feel comfortable letting her go without me, so how do I go about this without causing offence or upset? Xx

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 03/01/2019 13:23

You tell the truth.
Sorry SIL me and DD won't be coming as I suffer with anxiety and might bring down the plane with my panic attacks.
If she is going to be offended, then no excuse will be good enough anyway.

Original poster
octoberbaby2010 · 03/01/2019 13:25

Thankyou for your reply, I generally have sat on this for months trying to work out a way to go but the barrier comes up and I really don't think I can do it!! Xx

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 03/01/2019 13:31

Why isn't your partner telling his brother?

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Weddings
Ragwort · 03/01/2019 13:33

Tell the truth, or get your DP to respond, was there an official 'invitation' at the time? It would have been more polite to immediately respond - if you say you have been 'sitting on this for months' presumably you could have let them know a lot earlier?

Original poster
octoberbaby2010 · 03/01/2019 13:36

No no invitation we had a save the date a few weeks back but this was a message to ask if I had passports sorted, partner would tell them at the last minute if I left it to him!! Xx

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 03/01/2019 13:41

Why have you sat on it for months, though? You could have sorted it straight away by saying no. I think that's the part that people find hard to understand, it makes it a much bigger issue than it is.

It is slightly concerning that your DD is not going as well though, is your partner her father? Why can't he take her, how long would the trip be and how old is she?

YahBasic · 03/01/2019 13:43

I would call and explain ASAP. We had a wedding abroad and spent the last few weeks getting stressed out, calling people constantly to see if they were actually coming.

Those who told us early on was no issue.

skippy67 · 03/01/2019 13:54

Just tell the truth.

BackforGood · 03/01/2019 14:36

Why h ave you 'sat on it for months' ? Confused. that is really rude of you.
As soon as it was first muted that their plans for their wedding involved flying abroad, why didn't you speak up then ?

How old is your dd ? Why can't she go with her Dad?

As to how you tell them, you pick up the phone and tell them that you won't be able to go because of your anxiety and that you are really sorry you never mentioned it earlier but that you hope they have a really lovely wedding and you are looking forward to seeing all the photos etc when they get back.

OrdinarySnowflake · 03/01/2019 14:41

Call and explain, do it today. Apologise first for not saying sooner. (They may well have made different plans if they'd known).

Also think before the call - is this somewhere you could get to by train? If so, would you consider that as an option? (Don't mention it to them until you've made that a definite plan, costed etc) also what will you say if they ask why DD can't go with her dad.

Stupomax · 03/01/2019 15:10

The sooner you tell them the less stress you will cause.

They might choose to be offended or upset. That's their decision and there's nothing you can do about it.

Apologise for leaving it so late to tell them, then just repeat "I'm sorry we can't come, I hope you have a lovely time."

(I speak as someone who got married abroad.)

Original poster
octoberbaby2010 · 03/01/2019 17:16

As for saying I've sat on it for months we haven't actually had the invitation so why would I need to tell them before I've even been invited? I've been asked if I've sorted my passport.
As for dd she'll be 21 months I haven't left her before and she has allergies that " others " joke about and haven't taken seriously, I have never left her before either, nothing wrong with her dad but she isn't used to being with out me xx

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/01/2019 18:25

As for saying I've sat on it for months we haven't actually had the invitation so why would I need to tell them before I've even been invited?

Because you know they have been planning a wedding that you feel you can't attend. Obviously.

Someone in my wider family recently got engaged. Naturally the family have been chatting about it and questions like 'when you thinking of getting married?' and 'where are you planning to get married?' are obvious early chat. If you know that their plans mean you can't go, why wouldn't you tell them ? Confused
Though it was you that said "I generally have sat on this for months"

Summer23 · 03/01/2019 18:35

I’ve been to family weddings abroad with the kids and they have been amazing - experiences I wouldn’t want my kids to miss. I understand your concerns about your DD allergies but could she not go with her dad, if you are certain you can’t go?

Dimsumlosesum · 03/01/2019 18:36

"It's not something I can afford right now"

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