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Help, my parents house is falling down around them

20 replies

theroman · 03/01/2019 13:08

I have name changed for this, as it is potentially outing.

My parents bought their current house when I was still at home, around 20 years ago. They are 60 and both work cushy professional jobs, with pre salary of about 100k together. (House is worth 400kish- would be much more if done up)

They have no mortgage, or if they do it is very small (think 200£ a month). I'm not sure as it isn't something we talk about often.

It is a medium sized victorian semi in the countryside, in a nice village. 4 bed, 3 receps, so not a sprawling house.

Since moving in, they haven't spent a single penny on renovations or works. All of the carpets, bathrooms etc are exactly as they were.

Many of the carpets were dated when they moved, they now have holes in them. The sitting room carpet is literally in shreds and looks horrific. They don't have one bathroom that works properly. Water from the bath tap is used to flush the loo, and all three showers are broken, so baths only.

The house is freezing, and every single piece of furniture is a hand me down from family, lots of it cheap 70s chipboard type.

The gardens are all overgrown, it used to have a lovely orchard and veg patch. The paint on the outside of the house is going green, and the roof is looking dodgy.

It genuinely is getting to the stage of "homes under the hammer" renovation levels.

Why won't they spend any money on the damned house ?!?!

They don't like having friends over or family anymore; which is probably because of the house. When I pester them to do the house up, they just say they don't really care about it.

I live a couple of hours away, but tend to not go home now much as it is such an awful environment to live in.

Any spare money they have is spent on going on holidays abroad, probably four times a year. (No where expensive though).

The only other things they have to spend money on, is around £8k a year to dbro at university.

OP posts:
outreach29 · 03/01/2019 13:10

Yup well - it's their house. That's their choice.

What can you do? Nothing - annoying as it is.

Gazelda · 03/01/2019 13:11

If they're happy to live in the house, I don't think there's much you can do.
If i were in your shoes, I'd maybe pay to get the toilet fixed so that it flushes properly, but leave the rest to them.

Jackshouse · 03/01/2019 13:11

Have you spoken to them about it?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

reetgood · 03/01/2019 13:13

“When I pester them to do the house up, they just say they don't really care about it.”

Well that’s your answer. Their money, their priorities.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 03/01/2019 13:13

Unless they have lost their mental faculties and require care, or you could prove they are no longer capable of taking care of themselves then there really isn't anything you can do. But their going to be leaving a house behind them with a lot of value knocked off due to the disrepair...

ChrisjenAvasarala · 03/01/2019 13:14

*They're

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/01/2019 13:15

What do you want help with? Confused

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2019 13:21

If they both have their mental faculties and they have the money, but have never cared about their living environment, and now live in a dump that's their call.

I think it's hard for people to understand they chose to live this way, but this is their choice. You just have to ignore it.

theroman · 03/01/2019 13:25

It is very difficult to understand, especially when some of their friends with similar jobs have gorgeous houses. I just worry that what if one of them falls ill, then they have to move and have lost an easy £100k+ if they sell or they have to try and live in that house.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 03/01/2019 13:26

Well it's probably got out of hand now so the thought of doing it seems very expensive, which it likely would be! Maybe they'll do it when they retire as they'll get a lump sum of pension then I assume?

BMW6 · 03/01/2019 13:28

Is it really any of your business? You don't live there so no impact on you!

If they choose to spend all their money on holidays and they are happy to let their house fall down, fine.

Of course, if it ever gets to a point where one or both want to move into your home because theirs is uninhabitable, you simply say NO.

greendale17 · 03/01/2019 13:33

**BMW6

Is it really any of your business? You don't live there so no impact on you! **

^Er it is her parents. She is worried about them. So yes it is her business! Hmm

Almahart · 03/01/2019 13:33

I think it is the OPs business in so far as at some point it could fall to get to sort out - 60 is really young but it doesn’t sound like a great environment to get older in.

However- OP is probably worried about the value of the house and tbh must if us would be

percypeppers · 03/01/2019 13:38

Don't go there. Don't mention it. It is their problem.

People are very strange. Sometimes strange people are related to us.

nottakingthisanymore · 03/01/2019 13:46

Garden, carpets and furniture issues don’t matter. The plumbing would bother me. I would ask them straight- why don’t you have a flushing toilet? They might have financial problems you do t know about. The holidays could be on credit because they are burying their head in the sand about issues.

PurpleWithRed · 03/01/2019 13:52

Other people can be mind boggling, and when you are related to them it’s even more astounding. It would dive me nuts too, but if they have capacity they have the right to make decisions anyone else would think are totally nuts, and the right to self-neglect too.

BTW the house will probably sell really easily in shit state, good doer-uppers are very popular.

Fantasisa · 03/01/2019 13:54

Our PIL are very similar - but they are happy with it the way it is. We don't go there since we had DC and meet up elsewhere instead.

PhilODox · 03/01/2019 20:18

My MIL's house is a little like this (though her loos are flushable!); I think when you spend years having to "make do" because you really can't afford maintenance it forms a mindset that is almost impossible to shake off.
A bit like how I never take trains or taxis because I still see them as impossibly expensive despite me being fairly comfortable nowadays- it's ingrained in me not to use them so much so that I walked home from having surgery...and gave myself a haematoma, oops

Wauden · 03/01/2019 20:26

I can see how this would be a worry. Eg trip hazard on shredded carpets, damp comung in from blocked gutters etc.
What do they say when you ask about it?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 03/01/2019 20:39

We were a bit like this, but only insomuch as once DGS turned up we couldn't renovate with a newborn in residence. If we'd spent 10k on a new boiler and having the hall, stairs and landing stripped, reboarded and decorated we might have got another £4k when we sold. Not keen on dodgy plumbing though, which is why I learned how to do it myself.

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