Bunny boiler or setting boundaries?

[2019me]

Interested in views.

If someone has form for ignoring your messages/phone calls but still expects you to be there when they need you would calling them out on ignoring a message make you look like a bunny boiler or is it a good thing to do to set better boundaries?

Previous attempts at being less available have failed and it’s soneone I need to have an ongoing relationship with.

What sort of message got ignored?

That’s too vague to make a useful comment. Can you elaborate more?

Rather than calling them out on ignoring one of your messages, I'd probably come at it from the other direction (ie being less available when they message you) and see what they thought of that.

Oh sorry I see you've already tried that. Well, I'd try it again!

It’s a family member who leaves messaged on read for long periods (if they reply at all). I’d be more relaxed about it if they weren’t always online!

What’s in your messages that’s so important?

Do your messages contain questions with an element of urgency or are they statements eg "what time are you coming later?" Requires an answer but "I got new socks for Christmas" doesn't

I suppose it's nothing that important in a time critical way, it's just as a point of principle I suppose.

I won't say anything

My family member who does this has autism. (Not for one minute suggesting this applies to your family member). It bugs the hell out of me but I know they do it because they think in a different way to me, rather than to deliberately irritate me.

I’ve told them clearly and calmly why I don’t like it. They are trying to acknowledge my messages even if it’s to say they will respond properly in a few days.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t think there’s an issue with you being honest and upfront with your family member about how this makes you feel.

I have a family member who does this too, but it’s emails. If I get a rely st all, it’s one sentence. No answers to questions. Different scenario as I’m simply trying to keep in touch and make sure they’re ok. They have a brain injury, though.

Is anything wrong with your family member that perhaps causes them to be socially awkward? (As PP has one with autism)?

I do this and I’m fairly neurotypical. I sometimes delay replying when it would involve me doing something first, like checking diary etc. Or if it’s one of those blanket messages. Or something I don’t want to do. Sorry, I know it’s irritating but don’t care sufficiently to change it.

It's hard as I am one of those people who hardly ever reads messages during the day. At work, I am too busy and at home, my phone is on silent and I rarely check it as I'm playing with DC.
It's quite understood- in emergency call DP.
However, I also don't worry if people don't reply to my messages straight away!
Dsis and I are so rubbish, she may text me and will take a day or 2 to reply, vice versa.
Ddad hates it, he will ring me, then text me to tell me he has tried to call, then send a whatsapp to tell me to check text and then will call DPs phone...just to say HI!
I think, if I expected a reply off other people immediately then it could get annoying very quickly.