When were/are you expecting your kids to be 'independent'?

[autumnwalksguide]

It seems to divide MN - when were/would you expect your kids to be independent of financial support from you?

We're planning our retirement, and that is dependent on not supporting the kids anymore (ie our income/savings/pensions are there to fund us, and only us).

DH counting that once they have their first steady job, they need to become independent and live within their means. I agree that this would be ideal but from MN threads it does not always seem to be the case.....

So - what are your experiences, and are you expecting/counting on the fact that your DC's may well be living at home well into their 20's/30's. How do you envision financing that?

I was hoping for anytime after 20. What I got was ds1 bouncing back at 39 and still here at 40 with little prospect of leaving anytime soon. No job, no rent. But you can't have your own dc living on the streets can you, regardless of how old they are?!

DD18 is saving up to buy a house. It's going to take a while and it won't be in this area unless she wins the lottery and we will have to help with a deposit otherwise she'll be 30!
Hopefully early 20's.

25 is in my head right now.

If there was a longer training for a career then adjusted to that.

I was thinking 18. I’ve not given it much thought to be fair. But 18=adult which means responsible for your own upkeep, no?

I’d not kick them out (probably not anyway) but I can’t imagine them wanting to stick around by the time they are 18....things to do, people to see!

I was not given money by my parents after age 18. This was understood by me and wanted to be contributing something when I was working and living at home. Living at home was a financial bargain anyway.

It's different with ours as we are a lot better off than my mum and dad were. I have pointed out though that although we have a good income now we are not actually rich and they need to earn at some point, so no we won't be able to subsidise longer term.

I'd expect mine to live at home rent free in the holidays if they go to uni, and while job hunting after uni.

Assuming they found a job, I'd then be happy for them to carry on living at home for a year or two after that to save money, contributing in a fairly minimal way financially speaking (although I would expect them to do their own washing etc). So let's say moving out at 23/24/25.

I'm fully aware that life isn't always a linear progression and things may not work out like that. But that's my expectation.

My son won't be independent. I hope he will be in assisted living from early adulthood but we will always finance him to some extent.
I lived at home during the holidays but apart from that was independent from when I went to university and didn't return home afterwards.

I suppose what I'm saying is think realistically about your own needs and plan . Then tell the children your time line for retirement and downsizing and how this may affect future them.

I knew clearly from circumstances that my parents could not help me beyond a roof over my head past 18. My own kids are in much more of a bubble so I want to make it clear to them.

Of the late 20s adults I know, those with long term partner's have managed to buy a house and are therefore self sufficient. Those without a partner are all still at home with parents.
Note - this is a mix of uni/No uni so I don't think it's related to that.

My parents supported us both financially through uni (although this was when fees were a lot cheaper!), although we lived away, and then we both came home for a year or so while we found jobs. During that time we paid rent (30% of our salary).
I also went back for 6 months aged 24 after my masters degree while I looked for a job.

My husband and his siblings basically got no support after 18 - including their bedrooms "disappearing" as there was 4 of them in a much smaller house.

My relationship with my parents has always been much better I think as a result of this. I always felt I had a home to go to, and enough support so that I didn't make any silly financial decisions or get into debt. He feels much less "at home" with his parents.

I would want to offer my son what I had, not my PILs attitude. But it all depends on what we can afford at the time.

Ds nearly 21 moves out six months ago and lasted 10 days
Luckily it was an informal room rent so no harm done however it did cost me and dh to help set him up with furniture new bed practical things kitchen things etc etc.
It then cost to freshen up his room at home and replace the bed and mattress and desk he took and soft furnishings.
He then came back but under the proviso that he starts saving properly (he earns well ) with a view to be renting his own place in 2 yrs which we think gives him plenty of time to save a sizeable amount as well as have the globe trotting trips he tends to book. It's the extra spending on needless stuff that annoys me abit if I'm honest.

I've got two years to teach him to be more independent financially and practically etc etc so he can be ready to be an adult.
I moved out of home at 18 and yes it was a struggle in the early years but I've worked my ass off to get where I am comfortably at now and I think he needs to learn the same way.

My parents weren't well off at all so helped practically but it taught me quickly I couldn't just rely on them to help all the time. I had to budget and learn quickly which I did.

It's only the last few tears my parents have been in a brilliant position financially and have gifted me the money for my new kitchen (we have spent 8 years renovating the rest of the house ourselves so it's been a labour of love)and my dad gave me a loan for a car and a new garden room and I've never missed a payment in either an doay the going rate back.

Financial independence from an early age taught me to rely on myself and i appreciate everything we have achieved.
Da doesn't have quite the same attitude yet and I don't think it helps having us to fall back on

One of my New Years resolutions is to be more assertive with him and his finances and expect him to actually help around the house including doing the odd supermarket pick up of bits.

He's no trouble bless him but I can for see unless I change how I view him (as an adult more)and unless I start making him more responsible for helping things will never change.

I moved out the day after my 18th birthday.

My parents never made a secret of the fact that I would be on my own (pretty much) when I turned 18. I remember at 16 looking at places to rent to get some idea of how much it would cost and my mother telling me that I should look for a house share first as it would be cheaper.

I moved straight into a friends spare room for the first summer, then started Uni and moved to another city. I got a part time job at a petrol station to help pay my bills. The only thing my parents did for me was pay for my orthodontist.

I have never lived back home since I moved out at 18. It was tough, and at times I have lived in some absolute shit holes, but it definitely toughened me up and taught me how to deal with landlords and letting agents and utility companies.

I will do the same with any kids I have.

If DS goes to uni then we will of course support him and once he has a stable job and can get a mortgage then we hope to be able to give him a house deposit. So probably mid twenties. However if he gets married we will want to make a contribution and we will want to pay into a pension for him and create savings for any grandchildren so never really

Hahaha, never. My husband and I are in our 40s and have periodically relied on our parents. It seems only fair to plan to ‘help’ the kids and have a surprise surplus.

I agree with what *Whirlwind said upthread about tapering.

DS1 came home after graduating, saved and travelled, saved again and has now moved out aged 24 with a tidy little cushion in the bank. Has said we can do what we like with his room.

DD1 (22) graduated last summer, has job and moved out, but living quite precariously financially with no back up accumulated yet. I have just paid for her MOT. She's quitting her job and going travelling again in the summer so will likely be home again for a little while after that.

It's part of our financial plan to provide our 4 with house deposits so we will be giving them money some time in the future.