Really struggling with kids

[threeboysandus]

Does anyone else just feel like a failure as a parent sometimes? I have three gorgeous boys aged 10,9 and 4 and I'm just struggling.

I just feel like life is so chaotic with them. They are wild, really high energy kids.

I met another family out walking today and she has four boys and they all just stood patiently beside her while she chatted. Mine were like hooligans, running around the park, one threw his scooter over a wall! We have had a big chat with them and all electronics were taken off them until we see a change but just so fed up.

The school teachers say they are so polite in school, they say they are funny and mix well with everyone too.

I don't know what to do anymore. My dp and I both work shift work, night and day and I wonder are they just all over the place

They are old enough to sit down and talk to. Have a family meeting about ‘expectations’ (yours) and ‘needs’ being met (theirs).You obviously get out and about so presumably they’re burning energy, it’s about channelling it right!

Wouldn’t want mine to be throwing scooters over walls but you definitely mustn’t feel like a failure. You don’t know whether that mum has achieved patience and calmness by ruling with an iron fist (or not) so please don’t compare yourself. That said, little changes will help if it works for you all. Good luck

Op I hear you it's grinding.
I had one of those types that never stop, what ever strategy I have implemented she has out witted me.

Agree you can put in expectations for behaviour, also keep praising and rewarding good behaviour but over all just work with you them and pray you get through it with some sanity 😩😩

Thanks, it's just hard isn't it? Every one else's kids seem so well behaved!! Mine are just a chaotic whirlwind! Had a good chat with them tonight, doesn't help that they have been staying up later over xmas

It is hard but don’t beat yourself up. Everyone has crazy days or times. Sometimes I’ve thought ‘I can’t take it anymore’ and others ‘damn we nailed it today’. Children just aren’t predictable and so just hold on to your sanity and enjoy the ride!

No useful tips, just to say I feel your pain. I am sure at some point someone has looked at mine on the odd occasion they appear to be well behaved and thought how great they are. The truth is this never ending school holiday has mostly consisted of me stopping them beating the crap out of each other, watching the 10 year old do endless shows (aahhhh) and block out they're whingeing whenever we go anywhere. It is relentless and depressing. I suspect some of it is sibling dynamics, some if it parenting and the rest is luck of the draw. Even when they were small they were never those kids you see standing nicely in a line. I like to call it having 'spirit'. But I'm also sure those well behaved kids aren't always that way. I have found one thing that helps is to set my expectations before we go out. Ie, they hate shopping so if I have to shop I take them aside before I go in and make it clear what I expect and what will happen if they don't comply. It is head bangingly annoying I am still having these conversations with a 10 and 13 year old but it's only when they're together and getting less frequent.

Definitely all kids will have their moments honestly. Mine can be totally wild and I was walking with them the other day and one was calling out suns and they were all being lovely and I saw someone smile over at them

On many many MANY other occasions they've been chaos and I've sat in the house nearly in tears.

No advice but I feel you, OP. I have two boys, 6 and 3, who can behave nicely but more often than not behave like full-on shit-throwing chimps when we are out in public.

We have fair house rules (just 3: no running (indoors), no roughness, no rudeness), set clear expectations, they get pocket money if they behave.

But they just cannot seem control their physicality. They are like tiger cubs: rawling around all over each other all the time. Fine is a field/park.

Very wearing in fucking Lidl.

Both DH and I work FT so who knows? Maybe it’s our fault?

I hope not.

I swear by a small glass wine most evenings and a low dose antidepressant....

My boys are 10, 7 with autism & 4 and are also like this. They are often whingeing (DS1), wrestling or just being very loud & silly (Ds2 & 3), although I wouldn't particularly call them naughty. They are also all angels at school, so I think they keep their excess energy for me I try to get them out every day, my motto is that they need plenty of food & a good run out each day, like dogs, but sometimes they don't enjoy the same things. They can also play quietly & will write or play board games for hours. Their saving grace is that they sleep well so at least I can relax at night!

Btw I don't work (starting soon), so I don't think that has anything to do with it.

Mine are like that at home. At school two are the model child (the others are fine, just one a bit less, well, still! And the other is the model child, but with a constant monologue/questions!) so I know they know how to behave. Together they can get carried away though, especially if things are unstructured (shopping counts as unstructured as the structure doesn’t interest them!) I refuse to structure every minute of their day though as they have to learn self management sometimes... I just wish they’d hurry up!

Oh, and I’ve just had a year off work. It didn’t make a jot of difference so don’t beat yourself up.

Thanks everyone, I didn't see these replies until now!

There's been a slight improvement since going back to school. I'm trying not to shout as much which is defo helping. We've also gone back to our rule or only being allowed electronics at weekend which also really helps.

The are such nice boys individually but as a whole they are wild animals. I've just deceived to not bring them to shops etc! Unless they are alone. I remember when they were toddlers laughing with dp saying imagine they still behaved like this in shops at 18! My eldest is 10 now and I actually don't think he will ever be capable of walking around shops like a normal person!

I like the three R rules, will defo be implying them!