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Original poster

Spending more on gifts for dh's family over mind because there are less of them?

15 replies

Aria2015 · 02/01/2019 18:24

I have 3 siblings, all of them have children (7 in total) and my dh has 1 sibling with 1 child. Dh says that he should have a bigger budget for birthday and Christmas for his sibling and niece because he only has the one sibling / niece. I think we should treat everyone the same. Eg if I spend £20 on a bday gift for each of my nieces / nephews he should spend the same on his niece so we’re treating them all the same. It’s not my siblings / nieces / nephews fault that there are more of them on my side than he has on his. It doesn’t seem fair that his niece gets a £50 bday gift when mine doesn’t. For context, we have joint finances and both work but we couldn’t afford to spend what he spends on his sibling / niece on all my siblings and their children. Since we’re married, I see both sides as ‘family’ and just think everyone should get roughly the same budget for gifts. It’s not a big deal, but would be interested in what others think...

OP posts:
HannahnotAgnes · 02/01/2019 18:36

I agree with you - same amount spent on all. I assume your siblings buy for you guys too? In which case, unless his DSis spends much more on you guys, then surely you actually get more from your family in return (so it all actually balances out).

Not worth fighting over, but it would bug me if all money is family money.

FleeceDetective · 02/01/2019 18:40

What kind of value in gifts do you receive from your respective families?

TeenTimesTwo · 02/01/2019 18:57

it could be argued that you have a budget per side of the family and it isn't DH's fault that your side of the family have so many kids. (That is often what happens with wills).

So 1x£50 compared with 7x£20 doesn't seem so bad now …

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Original poster
Aria2015 · 02/01/2019 19:02

Good point about the gifts received back. Yes all my side buy bday and xmas gifts for us. They spend about the same each as we spend on them. His sibling does buy gifts, but not to value of what he (we) spend though - it's actually more in keeping with what my side spend. So it's not like his 1 sibling spends loads more on us than mine do which I think is even more reason for us to treat everyone the same regardless of whose side of the family they are from. Also everyone gets on, it's not like one side is closer than the other.

OP posts:
SimplyPut · 02/01/2019 19:02

DH and I treat everyone equally... £30 per niece and nephew for birthdays and Christmas. We don't buy for adult siblings unless they still live at hone without children.

Original poster
Aria2015 · 02/01/2019 19:07

TeenTimesTwo - but I suppose I don't really see it as his side and mine, to me, they're all just family now.

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamous · 02/01/2019 19:49

Similar to my family, I have 2 siblings, partners, nephews. DH just has a brother.
We do £20 each for my relatives but DH spends a bit more on his brother - also BIL doesn't have much money so it's a nice treat for him to get exactly what he wants. I think this Christmas he got about £50 worth of Xbox game. I don't mind and we can afford it.

Northernlass45 · 02/01/2019 19:52

We do equally here even though there are more on one side, otherwise it becomes a crazy amount for one person.

EmpressJewel · 02/01/2019 20:12

I echo what ten times two said. I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. You are both just looking at things from a different perspective.

Why not compromise and agree that your OH can spend a little bit extra on his niece. Not a significant amount, but say an extra £10 - that’s a book, dvd

Drogosnextwife · 02/01/2019 20:14

Same for everyone, completely agree with you.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/01/2019 20:29

We have one relative who has one child and lower income than us. We have three children so her child gets bigger presents than she gives us and bigger ones than our other nieces and nephews but that seems reasonable.

Original poster
Aria2015 · 02/01/2019 21:00

Thanks for the replies. Like I said, it's not a major issue. I don't mind him spending a bit more but it's usually at least double what my siblings and their kids get which does seem a bit unfair. No birthdays coming up just yet so I'll leave it until the next one to broach the subject again! Thanks for the replies all!

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 02/01/2019 21:03

We have extended family with varying numbers of children. We budget around £15-20 per child, and something small for the adults...usually edible.

Aneira11 · 02/01/2019 21:03

I’d generally say the same for everyone, but in practice I buy all family presents from our joint account. I spend more on my sister and niece. Because I love my own family more and we have no other immediate family, whereas BIL and SIL have a larger family and have been spoilt their whole lives (I’ve known them a long long time, since BIL was age 7 and SIL age 3)

mummmy2017 · 02/01/2019 21:10

Sorry but I think you are being unfair.
He should be allowed to spend more on his side, there are more of your lot to give too.
This is a stupid argument to have with him, and in reality your saying your family have a right to a bigger share of your budget, what if your side have even more children or in 20 years time your lot all have 3 grandchildren and his side have 1...
Just agree he can have £250 a year for you and his family, and you will do the same for his gifts and your family.

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