Please help me with Nintendo switch rules

[howtobehuman]

DH bought a surprise Nintendo switch for Christmas. The second it was opened I started feeling stressed but didn't want to be a spoil sport so went with it. Eldest DS has some sort of SEN, yet to be diagnosed but basically he struggles massively with big emotions and needs strict boundaries, not to be too overstimulated etc - obvious stuff but more essential to him probably than the average child. Anyway it's already an issue as he begs for the Nintendo then get hysterical if we say no. I decided from the beginning it could be something they could do with DH only as it limits the time they could play and I can avoid the begging. It's not enough though, DS found it earlier and started playing it then kicked off massively when I took it away. So we need to get strict rules in place. I was thinking zero mon - fri as DH often works late and then just 1 hour sat & 1 hour Sunday. Does that seem ok or a bit harsh?

Seems harsh to me but then my kids don't really get limits especially in the school holidays. Seems a bit pointless to have it if they aren't allowed to use it.

Nope perfectly reasonable and we do similar. None during the week then an hour on sat or Sunday but it has to be earned by doing chores. Set a timer that goes off.

What is the point if he's not allowed to play on it? What do you think will happen? It's not a bomb.

When we first got the switch, my ds would be quite frantic about wanting to play.

It depends a lot on the games as well.

Just put those rules in place which work for you, pin them up for all to see and stick to them.

1 hr a day after any chores and homework is more reasonable I think.

See the thing is whole having a kid with SN. They need to learn how to cope with strong emotions or they won't cope in the world when older. How can he learn how to regulate and develop strategies if he isn't allowed to experience them, ever?

Too harsh, an hour mon-fri and 4 hours on weekend and holidays.

I don't think 1 hour on a Saturday and Sunday is reasonable atall. Agree with PP - 1 hour a day sounds much more reasonable.

And not only with their dad .

We've had a new switch for Christmas, I limit it by amount of games rather than time as I find them having to stop mid-game causes frustration and anger.
Mine only have mario kart and fifa though not sure how it would work with other games.

We don't have set limits, but the one rule I have is that if we ask them to stop playing and they complain, then it gets taken away for a period (rest of the day/the next day/weekend depending). Similar for if they ever start fighting about it.

The thing I say to them if they kick off is 'if it causes problems then it goes away'.

This way we can be flexible about how much we let them play depending on whether it's a school day or weekend or holiday, or how busy we are etc.

Games consoles always had a time limit of 1hour a day in our house, longer on weekends and holidays.

How old are they?

Nintendo Switch has a time limit under parental controls which takes it away from you being the one to tell him to stop playing and he can decide when to use his hour.

I feel sorry for them all tbh. An hour a day, twice a week?

Do you always have such control issues?

I agree with SweetAngie that you need rules that are black and white but give YOU flexibility.

I would have a routine for coming off it- say 10 minute warning when timer is set, 5 minute warning, then off when the timer goes. ANY negativity when the timer goes off, then the next session is lost.

You could also tell them each morning whether/ when there will be a session that day. If they ask for it at any other time, the session will be lost.

I think the Nintendo could be a great tool to help your older DS to learn self-regulate if you make ongoing access to it absolutely contingent on clearly explained regulated behaviours (e.g. you stop playing immediately and leave the console with no cross words, safe body and polite tone of voice... etc etc).

2hrs a week seems very severe and a waste of an expensive console.

I agree with the poster who said number of games rather than number of hours

(Depending on how long an average game lasts, because if 5 games ends in 20 minutes that's harsh)

As w side point

IME In life as well as on MN it's always seems to be the DHs who buy these things in a Disney Dad way, and the DWs who are expected to police it and teach them how to play responsibly and healthily

Sounds like DH bought it DH makes the rules DH deals with all consequences of behaviour associated to it.

Take this approach and it won't be long before your DH takes the thing and lands it in the bin.

We have it set 1 hour a day but the only rule is they check before they pick it up and if we say no for whatever reason then they can’t have it

We are going to have limits once they’re back at school. I was thinking an hour a day Friday-Sunday.

It’s all well and good posters above saying it’s too strict, what’s the point of having it etc but how often do we see posts where gaming/screen time is a really issue with children so best not to let it get to that stage I think. I will not have my kids turning into game obsessed zombies who won’t do anything else.

We got our DC a Switch for Xmas too..I wasn't keen on the idea initially, but by far the favourite game so far has been Just Dance which is keeping them both very active and having fun whilst it's been rotten weather.

I am planning on setting the parental time limit thing on it once they go back to school, but for the last few days of the holiday I am letting them enjoy playing with it.

The only other games they have are Mario Kart and a Sports compilation.

You don't need to feel sorry for them yet rubber band, I haven't enforced any rules just asking advice at this stage 🙄 & yes I expect I do have control issues! Maybe I'll let them have more time but have it so it's earned with good behaviour. They are 3 & 6, whoever asked.

my ds's 4, 7 and 9 are allowed an hour on sat and sunday mornings but not alllowed in the week unless its raining as a treat because their clubs are cancelled. works well for us.
in the holidays they are allowed to play a little more.

I think that’s incredibly harsh.

Personally I am very laid back about screen time etc - my ds aged 6 has autism and learning disabilities and playing games on his iPad is the only thing that relaxes him and the only thing he ever wants to do. Yes he does sometimes have meltdowns over it - if a game doesn’t do what he wants etc- but if that’s the case we remove it until he’s calmed down.

The only rule we have over screen time is that all gadgets have to be downstairs at bedtime - so they don’t interrupt sleep.

I don’t know quite what’s best in your situation but I think a couple of hours mon to Friday and more at the weekend is fine. It often takes that long to even get into a game properly!

Oh well I'm glad some people agree with me. I suppose I'm just paranoid about the effects because of my sons issues. & we have tears and tantrums daily about so many things I don't feel the need to add to the list... but then it is nice to watch him playing and see how happy he is!

computer games aren’t relaxing though - I’ve played my sons favourite ones just to see what the effects are.
They really raise your heart rate, make you feel excited yet you’re sitting still. Sitting still ramped full of adrenaline but no physical outlet. That’s not good!