Why is this tearing me apart?

[Inbigtroublenow]

I’ve got the first appointment for an abortion tomorrow and I’m so messed up. I have two beautiful children 3 and 7 months. I know I can’t have this baby as I think we’d all suffer. I have been struggling with PND, I had an awful pregnancy last time (I’m already feeling sick at 4.5weeks), my marriage wouldn’t survive, we can’t afford it. And a 100 other reasons. Not to even mention if it had health problems.

So I know the decision I have to make for the good of my family. But it’s crushing me. I’ve always been pro choice and always said to myself I would terminate if I found myself in a situation where it was for the best. But now it’s here it’s hurting, a lot.

Not really sure the point of my post. Just to get it out really as I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone irl.

Is this the app for the actual termination or to discuss it? How far along are you? Can you take some more time to think about it if you think it'd help or discuss it with someone?

It’s the first time I’m going so I think it’s just to discuss. I’ll be 5 weeks tomorrow. I feel damned if I have it and damned if I don’t. It’s just which is going to damn me more.

:( I don't even know what to suggest OP apart from hugs and if you can possibly give it a little more time to think?

Hopefully some posters will be along shortly with better advice than me

Such a hard decision - it is never easy. Our rational brain has all the reasons in favour of it, but our hearts and instincts tell us otherwise. I hope that you can talk this through at the clinic and he helped towards the answer that is right for you. Please do not let anyone pressure you either way. If you are under pressure form OH, then your marriage will be unlikely to survive this - it sounds as though there are problems already.

I worked with women wanting abortions and it was usually those with existing children who found it the hardest.

I send every good wish to you in trying to solve this dilemma.

Thank you for all your kind words. I know no one can make the decision for me. My DH has said he doesn’t want it, but will support me if I go ahead as it’s me that has to go through it. I think he feels guilty but we’re both to blame for ending up in this mess. Trouble is I know he will not be happy if I have it. I feel he may resent me. But will I resent him if I terminate? Right now I feel doomed to misery whichever way I turn!

I was in almost the exact same situation and terminated a few weeks ago. The baby was 14 weeks. My husband and I fought about the termination (I wanted to keep it; he didn't) for weeks, which was why the decision took so long. I feel really devastated and wish we had kept it. But this is only hindsight talking. I was very, very angry at my husband afterwards but once my cycle came back, I have felt a lot better. I have got through it by telling myself that if the time is right, we can have a third one day (if we are lucky) but that I couldn't keep a baby when my husband didn't want it. I really feel for you though - it is a horrible position to be in.