I've realised I'm no fun anymore

[lornathewizzard]

Not even sure why I'm writing this but I feel like you all might be able to help.

I've realised lately that I'm no fun anymore. Didn't join in at board games, movies at Christmas (or family holiday now I think about it), don't enjoy playing with the kids, or acting the arse with the older family kids

There's just always something to do or worry about. I like to have the housework sorted before bed and the kids in bed by a certain time, and I'm not normally long behind them, leaving poor DH to spend evenings by himself.

It's like I'm so worried about being tired the next day that I'm not enjoying life at all. The kids are 4 and 2 and reasonable sleepers now (barring illness) although the littlest is still up pretty early sometimes. But I feel like I'm still mentally preparing myself to be up multiple times a night with them.

Not unrelated to this I feel my anxiety levels have increased lately, and my fear of the kids/us being sick is getting worse. Maybe that's the root of it all. Maybe that's sucking the joy out of life.

Urgh I'm not sure how to fix this.

Maybe it’s time to visit the gp.

I would also try putting just 10 minutes aside a day to do something for you eg putting on body lotion and reading a book. Try to get a few hours for yourself in the week too. Maybe have a night where you stay up with hubby once a week and try a date night once a month.

Are you doing all the housework or is DH pulling his weight?

OP I literally could have written your post, right down to having the same age children. I feel that I'm either at work, or doing 'boring' stuff around the house. I'd happily go to bed at 9pm each night as I'm bloody exhausted most of the time. I am trying to make the effort to take the kids out each day though when I'm not working, even if its just across the road to see the ducks.

It sounds like your anxiety is beginning to control you.
Simple breathing exercises really help.
When you feel yourself getting anxious breath in through your nose for a count of four, hold for four and release, through your mouth, for four.

I work part time so majority does fall to me but it does need to be more even I think.

I've also been toying with the idea of going to the GP for months so I really should.

Making the effort to stay up late would be a good start for sure

Exactly the same! I'm hoping it's a phase. Yours are still very little, mine are a bit older. Everything I do in the house is immediately undone. I'm going to try and tackle it. Stressed mum is such a shit look I've decided. I'm having a massive clear out in an attempt for things to tick along more easily. It's a bad time of year too.

I think you're just tired. Plus, you've got a lot on your mind. Things will get better as the dc get older.

Thanks everyone for your understanding. I do use (and benefit from) breathing exercise and mindfulness although I tend to listen to a meditation in bed and just fall asleep so not sure how much I'm learning from it!

I'm sorry for anyone else feeling this way, it's pretty shit.

I've only been back at work for a few months, and whilst it is helping me feel better generally (I was really struggling being a sahm) it's increased the tiredness and meant I've not been to the gym or anything since I started

You are at a really gruelling stage in your life, 4 and 2 is no cake walk!

If you have a google five ways to well being, building little parts in to your day to day can really help - for me a brisk walk in a wooded park really helps me, escaping into a book, re-igniting an old hobby and learning an instrument all worked.

Get your DH to give you a massage. It'll relax you, make him feel involved, and might lead to more frequent dtd. That'll be good for both of you. I know it's hard to get into it when you have to keep an ear cocked, but just the massage will help for starters. But you really, really need to take off the "Mum" hat off occasionally, or you'll disappear.

Timetable some fun in and get your dh to help with the evenings.
It might be easier if it’s part of a daily routine.
This is what I did when I realised I was mostly interacting with the kids by giving instructions like ‘eat your dinner, put your shoes on, let’s get ready for bed’ and not having fun with them.

There are little 10 minute games you can play with dcs like being a tickle or hug monster, using cushions for stepping stones in the crocodile infested swamp. They’ll absolutely love it. I used to do this after dinner.

Do a movie night once a week with dcs and once a week with dh.

We have a 4 and 2 year old, it's hard-core time!

I would talk and try to spend time with your partner, and remember there are always jobs and they will wait.
(Small example I always used to get the kitchen really nice every night which took half the time from kids bed to my bedtime. Now I did basically nothing one night and tidy the next. It gives one long evening and didn't take twice as long the next day)

I have just thought. Are you taking multivitamins and getting enough vitamin D? Try to get out in the sunlight. I always am more tired in winter.

Have a clocking off time , say 8.30 or nine pm ? And do no more chores after that ....sit down and watch a comedy .
Catastrophe is great ....if you can get it on Catch up.

Some fab ideas thank you everyone. And PP you are totally right about the mum hat, it never leaves my head

I actually can't take multi vitamin but vit C / D by themselves will be fine so I'll pick some of them up.

And you know what I didn't load the dishwasher last night and has the world stopped turning? Nope