What to do with the in-laws 🙄

[Millionsofthings]

Anyone any advise on what to do with in laws? mine are cold, distant, don’t show affection and seem to do a lot of moaning and every rolling!

I have had my own dealings with mother in law in past, I let her behaviour slide of years as she never directly done something to me

Dont see them, I havent seen mine in years, Its brilliant

Bury them under the patio.

Both suggestions seem good!!

I don’t think my full post has posted! It was really mainly about DH and how more and more he seems so down after he’s been around his own family particularly his mother!

She’s caused a lot of issues in the family and as I said before I had my own dealings with her in the past but for the sake of Dh manage to be around her for short period of time and have general chit chat.

She’s a difficult woman... but FIL was ill and in intensive care.... so we tired to help. BiL and SIL didn’t want to help ( not that we asked or tried to force them too) and soon took the huff with us for helping resulting in DH and his brother not talking! They were ok dire straits and I am still not sure what BIL wanted DH to do... not visit them?!

Mil also had a phase for about 8 months of not talking to DH cause she had a run in with our other BIL and SiL and because DH didn’t want to join in on the BIL and SIL bashing he got a punishment for that and she avoided him for months! He was heartbroken and although it was the best peace I had from her for his sake I wanted things to be made right!!

I feel like my DH is such a lovely man, he would never intentionally hurt anyone and he is constantly getting caught up in all the drama. He said he feels like he’s not really got a family, she never really contacts him unless she has a problem she needs him to fix, he’s recently found her out on a few lies and he’s said he wished he could just move away from them all!!

I feel so sad for him he’s achieved so much in his career and yet he doubts himself so much due to the years of being put down from her as a child... but more importantly he’s a all round good guy, a genuinely nice person. It seems to amplify things for him as my parents are so involved in our life’s and with the DC they are always full or Praise and so upbeat and encouraging while he just gets depressing talk from his own mother! I don’t really know what I am asking.... me personally I have found a way to be around her which doesn’t affect me.... I have made it to a place where she doesn’t affect my mood or feelings but for DH this is not the case. He just seems so down and upset/frustrated when he’s been around her!!

I feel like the older he gets the more he sees she wasn’t there for him especially emotionally!! I know he will need to work through it ok his own till he finds some peace but it breaks me heart seeing him upset! Any advise or is the patio the only way?? Lol

Any one else had the same situation?

Sounds like he needs less or no contact with her. Not all parents are nice and deserve care, respect or attention. Then make a decision about if you should be in contact with the others who do not see her. They may be avoiding her because they find her as toxic as you do, and have disengaged for a valid reason. They could be a good support for your DH.

Would he go NC with her? If she's making your lives so uncomfortable and miserable personally I think it's the only way.

Life's too short to have people in it that make you unhappy. This is something I've learnt as I've got older and it makes for a happier life.

My dhs mother was really negative when she could be bothered to speak to him, She was useless mother to him, He went no contact after she kept making up lies to get people to feel sorry for her.
He always tells me he doesnt care about her though so he doesnt find not speaking to her hard he likes her out of his life.
Could u create more distance in moving away if he wouldnt want to cut her out completely.

He is probably feeling worse as time goes on because he has realised how his childhood lacked the nurturing element that he needed. If you have grown up in a dysfunctional family you feel certain things are normal. Trying to parent in a different way and being part of a loving extended family shows you that there are other, better ways to live. You can feel a sense of grief about what you realise you were denied, especially if you have children and don’t treat them in a cold, distant way.

No I don’t think he will. One minute he’s angry with her the next he would defend her which is why I say nothing anymore.

I am trying to understand his relationship with her and how he feels. Has anyone else not had a good relationship with a mother or father before?

I know it’s not good for him but I can’t tell him not to see her it’s got to be his decision. But I hate to see him miserable.

They did have a period of no contact before and although it was bliss for me he was still miserable and really upset. I think I have answers my own question either way with her in his life or out it still leaves him upset!!

Pop them in storage - there's some good deals around!

Thank you!

Wavingnotdrown1ng - Thank you. This helps! I have always know she’s cold and very distant. I have been with Dh since we were young teens.... but it’s only in recent years since we had out own DC all this has surfaced with DH and her behaviour has got worse!! I think your right it’s a grief!! He sees what we have with our own children and he’s probably seeing what he missed out on! I wish I could make things better for him but unless I can magically change her nature then I am guessing I can’t!

Just guess I neee to continue as we are and me trying to comfort him now and again by telling him she’s just funny and has her own ways.