How much 'freedom' do you give your 8yo?

[OkMaybeNot]

I sometimes doubt myself and start to think I'm too strict.

Just from comparing to other kids in his year group and friends with similarly aged children I seem far more restrictive. Wondering if I could get some perspective.

• He doesn't have a games console of his own, they're all downstairs in the living room, he plays them, but...
• Has a limit on screen time
• No TV in his room
• No access to the internet unsupervised, none at all. We look things up together.
• Up to PG films/TV programs only.
• He doesn't go out on his own.

He's 9 in July. His mates at school are nearly a year older than him and I wonder if that could be why they seem more mature and are allowed to do more mature things.

This isn't a stealth boast or whatever. I read this back to myself and I sound like a smug dickhead. I'm not, promise.

My DS is the same age.
He doesn't have a TV or games console yet.
He has a tablet with no browser, but plays roblox (kid settings) and Minecraft unsupervised.
Only watches YouTube in the living room.
He watches some 12 films - Star Wars and Jurassic World etc
He walks to school and friends house alone, plays in our street with friends.

I don't really limit screen time unless it's annoying me tbh!

My 8 year old doesn't have a television in his room. He has an old ipod which he is allowed 30 minutes of game time - nothing like fortnite.

He is however allowed out to play alone. To the woods (just behind the house) to the shop, park, etc .

Your child, you are the parent, your rules and boundaries.

I also have an 8yr old boy. I am fairly lax about most things but he thinks I'm strict on screen time compared to his friends.

He has a PS4 in his room, he gets 1hour per day, although sometimes more at weekends and holidays. He does play Fortnite.

He can watch up to PG films alone and 12 with me/dp to determine suitability.

He has very recently been getting to cycle around the block alone and to a nearby park with a friend (no main roads to cross).

He walks to school himself in the morning but someone still collects him.

Access to the internet is supervised and password protected but he has never shown much interest tbh.

You need to decide what it right for your child and family.

My 8 year old goes to the shop, the park and walks to school (only about 700m)

She uses Google and the computer for 30mins unsupervised but with us in the room.

The only difference here from the OP's list is I do allow my kids at 8 to the corner shop by themselves and to the park with siblings/friends; however, we live practically next to both of those so it isn't as much as it is for most people.

My 14, 12, and 9-year-old still don't have any game consoles or TVs in their rooms, that's all in the living room, and they all have limits on screen time. The older two have devices they use on their own, but they don't have internet browsers, to use one they have to use the computer that is attached to the TV which makes it difficult to hide anything. My oldest used to have his own access last year, that ended up not working well.

I think it's more about the environment you want and what works best for your home and kids than about how mature a child is or isn't. Personally, I think it took a lot of maturity for my oldest to say that having open internet access, even with all the parental filters that we have, made it too easy and tempting to do things he shouldn't and made him feel off. I certainly don't think he is less mature than his peers by not having open access or screens in his room. It works well for him and us.

OhFlipMama I find it interesting that Fortnite is so popular there - I keep hearing it's everywhere, but neither I nor my kids when I've asked know anyone who plays it. It reminds me of the peak of Minecraft when it seemed everyone's kids, including mine, used it, but then when my oldest brought it up at cadets, he found only 2 other people there played it. I think it, like many other fads, is popular within a social circle, but if in a different one, it can be totally absent and the kids can socialize just fine there too, if they wanted.

My 10 yr old is

not allowed to play Fortnite
only watches U or PG films - or occasionally a 12A
Does not have a TV in his room

I have an 8yo DS too.

• He has a Nintendo switch with screen time limits and no internet access. I’ll look at relaxing the internet access if he asks for it but he hasn’t yet.

• He doesn’t have a TV in his room and won’t ever if I can help it. I don’t want him to be forever holed up in a Lynx-scented boy-cave!

• We live on a busy main road so he doesn’t venture out by himself just yet. I’ve started giving him a larger measure of freedom away from this road though: I cross the road with him and he then walks/scoots himself to school, can scoot/bike off by himself at the park, can go into shops by himself.

• Films are U or PG only.

9.5 year old.

No TV or consoles in room.

U or PG films only and even then I screen content as some PG films contain themes I am either not happy with at all or would prefer to watch with her to be able to talk about it.

She has no unsupervised Internet access. Her tablet is in kids mode and protected. She has a 3ds. Screen time restricted on school days and at certain times, more relaxed in the holidays. She doesn't go out on her own yet, although we are working towards going to the shop as she is sensible enough.

DD was 9 in August - so similarly is young within her school year, and some of her friends are already 10.

• we have a Wii U and a family PC in the living room. She and DS2 get a time limited turn on each. DS1 has a PC in his room. All three DC (DS1 is 15 and DS2 is 11) have a 3DS, phone and tablet - they can use these throughout the day but they all come downstairs to be charged at 7pm (phones and tablets are time limited via iOS). I will probably extend this later for DS1 in the next year. No phones in bed - I have seen notifications coming in from their friends really late at night so I know this isn't something all parents do

• no TV in her room - partly because there's no space, but mostly because they all tend to watch Netflix on tablets so there's no need for one. DS1 has one, but mostly uses it for a PC monitor although he sometimes watches sport. We don't have sky or anything so there's not much choice!

• I would say her internet use is supported, but not totally supervised

• I tend to judge by content rather than rating - so she's seen some 12 films, some 15 tv, but there's PG stuff I wouldn't let her watch. My biggest content concern is violence, followed by sexist/otherwise discriminitory tone. I'm not too bothered by tame-ish love scenes - personal preference

• she can go to her friend's house who lives a street over. She takes her phone so I can see where she is and contact her. She's pretty sensible. This weekend another friend texted her to arrange an outing (with parents!) - that was a bit of a surprise but on balance it seemed ok

I think everything like this is trial and error and what works for your family and child - there are things I did differently with DS1 due to his specific personality/needs. There isn't necessarily a right or wrong way.

My nearly 8 year old has all the rules that yours does, except she is allowed to the park/shop/fields with her friends (I live in very rural wales where this is the norm and there are still troops of children out all day every day)

Ds is 8. No computer/video games during weekdays. Very limited time during weekends. He plays minecraft/mario and similar switch games. Not allowed to play fortnite at all.

The only electrical things in his bedroom are the lights. This isn't going to change until he's paying his own rent afaic!

He can watch 12 certificate films as long as I think they're suitable.

Absolutely no need for him to have his own phone even though everyone else has one (according to him). He thinks he's getting an iphone when he goes to high school. He won't, he'll get a basic calls and texts phone!

He can play outside in the cul de sac on his own with the neighbouring kids at the weekends.

He can make a cup of tea unsupervised and I'm encouraging him to cook/bake though he does get bored easily with it (me too tbh!).

DD is 8.2. She received a kindle fire for Xmas but has limits. She does not access the internet unsupervised.

She knows to only watch U and PG stuff. Tbf, she's a bit of a scaredy cat so she's only just watched Harry Potter and cannot get past the 3 headed dog part in the book!!

We live on a private road with plenty to explore and she is allowed out there up to the gate.

She has no tv in her room and we have no games console.

Some of her peers I consider to be a bit precocious and they go around with handbags, wear make up and are often allowed a lot more freedom but DD simply looks uncomfortable at that idea. One of her friends has no idea how to play imaginatively and when DD asks her if she wants to play with the dolls house, her friend is happy to rearrange the figures and furniture but stands there like a lemon when it comes to actually playing with them. I wonder if some children are growing up too fast.