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Original poster

Driven to despair by my toddler

37 replies

User24689 · 31/12/2018 05:10

I've been awake with him since 3. He has never slept. He's 14 months and I haven't slept in 14 months. He's just going from one boob to the other.

He has never taken a bottle and so I've breastfed all fucking night for 14 months. Every attempt at weaning has resulted in extreme distress and hysterical crying which then keeps awake and upsets my 3 year old. I've nobody to look after my 3 year old and she also cries whenever I leave the house.

My parents live far away and in laws are toxic and have repeatedly claimed this is my fault as I'm a soft parent who should have left him crying from the beginning, so offer no support.

He pulls my hair constantly while feeding and whenever I hold him. Every time I pick him up his hands go into my hair and pull, worse if he's tired. I have lost so much hair and it's so embarrassing Nd annoying. I had to take him on a tour of a primary school the other week and the head headteacher had to disentangle my hair from his fist ripping loads out.

I just hate my life right now, I'm so tired. I feel like putting him in the cot getting in the car and driving and not coming back .

Just needed to vent to anyone who is awake.

OP posts:

ReaganSomerset · 14/01/2019 09:00

The Huckleberry app might be worth looking into if the price of sleep consultants is too much.

You could use any form of white noise (youtube, Alexa app, speaker etc.), put it on low when the older child is asleep and gradually increase the volume until loud enough to mask your toddler's activities.

strawberrypenguin · 14/01/2019 09:16

I know you said you do t want to but at some point I think you have to sleep train for everyone's sake. He needs more sleep at night (and will be happier in the day for it) and you need more sleep too.

He doesn't need milk in the night anymore, I'd introduce a comforter and send DH in to see him when he wakes at 3am. Re-settle with comforter and off some water then leave. DH can pop back in in intervals. Honestly it seems hard but it sounds like you'll all benefit from it.

Original poster

User24689 · 14/01/2019 09:35

Thanks Strawberry, I think you are right. Honestly I wish I'd just sleep trained him at 6 months now when he would have been less aware and less confused by it. I feel like now he is older he will try to make sense of it and I can't explain to him why I'm not coming to comfort him anymore. All these months I've tried to do the right thing by him, I've just made everything worse.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 3 year olds Families

thegreatbeyond · 14/01/2019 10:09

14 months is a really hard age for some reason. I hope things improve for you.

ReaganSomerset · 14/01/2019 11:47

It's not your fault, OP. Sleep training doesn't have to be crying based. You can try gentle methods - give gentle sleep training a google. They take longer generally but are a workable alternative if you really don't want to do crying based ones.

StrongTea · 14/01/2019 11:52

What about a long haired doll? Must be similar to kids with blankies that they rub into holes.

Cutesbabasmummy · 14/01/2019 12:01

Is he eating ok during the day? if he is then it is just suckling to get him to sleep that is the issue. My friend used to have to lay on the floor and let her child hold one of her fingers for an hour every night whilst he went to sleep. They then had another one so it wasn't an option any more. I really feel for you. You sound exhausted. You might hate the idea but how about getting your hair cut short, just whilst your son is at this stage? it would break the association?

HarleyQuinnxx · 14/01/2019 12:26

I don't have much advice just a massive hug and a big shoulder for you to scream and cry on. I know you said your in-laws are no good I haven't read all the replies so I don't know if this has been covered but surely they maybe able to have the children's or a few hours for you to sleep nothing else no housework just sleep even if you go to their house and sleep in their bed just sleep. I do it at my moms house. I go there with my son leave him to play and I go upstairs and sleep.

wineymummy · 14/01/2019 12:34

I would recommend talking to your neighbours before they complain to you. Go and see them and explain how exasperated you are and that worrying about waking them is making you more stressed. Hopefully they're either nice (or polite) enough to reassure you not to worry. You could suggest that you might blast sleep training and that will be a week or two of hell coming (perhaps at a time that's more convenient for them?) and just go hell for leather. My 2yo has always been a fairly good sleeper but was becoming a nightmare for nighttime waking asking for milk. We just stopped cold turkey and within a week she was sleeping so much better. I know it's definitely not that easy for everyone but it sounds like you need to give it a try.

EarlyModernParent · 14/01/2019 14:39

I have no relevant experience, but just wanted to say that the (quite revolting) Fisher Price Soothe and Glow Seahorse has proved surprisingly effective for a few children I know who were not able to self-soothe.

It won’t solve anything by itself, but it might be a good prop while you try more fundamental things.

user1489792710 · 14/01/2019 16:37

Sending you hugs . My DD was pretty much similar. What broke the pattern was DH completely taking over the night time routine. Bath, story and cuddles/ rock to sleep... now she's 2.5 years sleeps in a toddler bed once DH has sat down with her in the beginning of the night. Can your DH help at all? Sorry if you've mentioned this already.

We also offered dilute juice and water in the night from a toddler bottle when she woke asking for breast. It's slowly got better.

Wishing you luck!

strawberrypenguin · 14/01/2019 19:10

You haven't made it worse. All we can do is make the best decisions we can at the time with the information we have.

Mine were similar to yours but I wasn't breastfeeding. DS1 night weened himself beautifully but DS2 needed some input from us with switching him to water rather than milk once we were confident he was eating enough in the day.

Be kind to yourself.

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