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Original poster

Utterly pi**ed off with friend

16 replies

Ruperbear · 30/12/2018 19:00

Here goes. I celebrated my 35 wedding Anniversary and decided for the first time ever for an Anniversary to hold a celebration Party with family and friends. After much chat DH and I agreed to have adults only. We have held kids parties ( we have 5 DC) for the last thirty years and decided to do one for ourselves. We wanted to not have to worry about children and what they were up to etc and anyway it was our celebration and we wanted it more grown up without dancing to the tweenies. !! We told all our guests and no one minded. In fact they mostly all agreed. My friend who has two Dc said she would love to come. Two weeks before the party I messaged her and she said she would becoming with a friend as her hubby was working. I said that’s fine. The day before she messaged to say she was bringing her DC and they had been excited for the last couple of months looking forward to a party !!!! I felt awful but knew that my other friends had all for sitters and it would look terrible. I told her that it was adults.. she has now blocked me from everything and refused to speak to me.
What would you do ?? I tried to message saying I was sorry she hasn’t made it. She didn’t reply. I messaged to say happy Christmas. She didn’t reply. She has took me off her Instagram account too.
Feel sad about it as I thought she was my friend. Should I just leave it and forget it.
Never wanted to offend anyone by the party. Seems like we did.

OP posts:

ScreamingValenta · 30/12/2018 19:04

If she is so easily offended, you're better off without her.

elQuintoConyo · 30/12/2018 19:12

Boof what a drama llama (your friend). I'd just leave her to it, to be honest.

Congratulations on 35 years

emmaliz · 30/12/2018 19:16

What a selfish person your friend is. I feel sorry for you here. Has she always been like this?

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 19:19

She is being so unreasonable and ridiculous.

Was she aware no one else was bringing their kids? Did you state no kids invited?

Shadow1234 · 30/12/2018 19:21

Well, she must have had prior warning like everyone else, that it was adults only! Why does she feel she gets to be the exception to the rule? Very childish and sulky to block you - better off without her.
Congratulations btw 🍾

BifsWif · 30/12/2018 19:23

You did nothing wrong. Leave her to it.

gamerchick · 30/12/2018 19:24

Ah she tried it on and lost. She knew damned fine well it was no kids allowed, that's why she left it to the day before before saying anything hoping you'd say it's fine and wouldn't disappoint them.

She probably find it's a tactic that usually works and is sulking it didn't this time.

Leave her to it.

LadyBrienne · 30/12/2018 19:24

did she know before hand that it was adults only? if so, this is a bizarre reaction

even if she didn't know before, and only found out the day before, this is a bizarre reaction

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 30/12/2018 19:27

Forget about her. She’s a self centred idiot. Perfectly fine to have an adult party and people who think this doesn’t apply to their children drive mad.

HettieBettie · 30/12/2018 19:28

Her fault.

You were clear.
You made several attempts to confirm with her
You told her nicely again no kids

She has had a disproportionate (quite frankly weird) response.

Don’t worry another second about it and if anything more comes of this (her loose lips being horrid etc) then it says much about her and not you.

And 35 years!! Wow! 🎉🎉🎉

Paperdolly · 30/12/2018 19:29

I’d knock on her door and start with “So what’s the problem?.” Let her rant and get everything off her chest before you calmly have your say. I think she’ll be embarrassed she’s been such a twat.

Gina2012 · 30/12/2018 19:33

Feel sad about it as I thought she was my friend. Should I just leave it and forget it.

What else can you do?

I'm assuming you don't want to grovel at her doorstep

Original poster

Ruperbear · 30/12/2018 19:35

Thank you for your replies.
Yes we stated it was for adults from the beginning. I even asked had she a babysitter prior to the day. Felt bad as didn’t want her children to be disappointed but also didn’t want my other friends who had arranged sitters to them be offended. And I don’t understand why she would tell them both when she was two weeks earlier bringing a friend. I don’t regret the decision as it was a lovely celebration with champagne and lots of dancing without any worries as to where the children were etc.

We have our two younger children Who came along ( of course) and I wondered if it was the fact that they both came. ? However they are not young children ( junior sch age) and were with my older children and relatives.

I really hate to fall out with people but I feel I haven’t actually done anything wrong. I feel I was put on the spot and I am usually a push over and agree to things. On this occasion I wasn’t and obviously this is the problem.

OP posts:

Bobbybobbins · 30/12/2018 20:07

I am having a party for my 40th next year and a friend has already hinted about bringing her (very young) children - I said no. I also want an adults only do. For our wedding, we invited family children and one of my husband's friends brought their two children uninvited. He didn't want to tell them no. We have two young children and although we do a lot with them, we enjoy adult events too. If we can't get a babysitter then one of us will go on their own. Don't understand selfish people like your friend.

Original poster

Ruperbear · 30/12/2018 20:16

You are right bobbybobbins
I love my children and I love kids but it is so nice to have an adult event. We renewed our vows 10 years ago and we including children and organized a entertainer for them and it was great but this time we wanted a different type of event and I am glad we did. I think she expected me to just say of course bring them but I didn’t and she is annoyed.
Thank you everyone I am not going to peruse her anymore. She knows where I am and if she really is my friend then she will be in touch.

OP posts:

pictish · 30/12/2018 20:30

“I feel I was put on the spot and I am usually a push over and agree to things.“

One thing I have noted in my 43 years is that easy-going and amenable people are often punished for being assertive more harshly than those who would typically prioritise themselves without apology.
I think it’s a social status thing...people pleasers are seen as being lower on the social scale because they’re always agreeable to other people’s agendas. When they unexpectedly issue a no and either stand up to someone or refuse to slide over for someone else’s preferences, it sends a shockwave of outrage over the other person who can’t believe a people pleaser has stepped out of their box!

I think this is what has happened here. Your friend is used to getting her way and your insubordination has offended her. You were supposed to roll over and say yes...but You. Said. No.

It’s her problem and she can fuck off.

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