Bedroom dilemma inc SN

[VforVienetta]

Wondering how to solve the following;

We moved last winter from a small 2 bed mid terrace, as we have two DC who couldn't share and a tiny garden.
We now have a 3 bed end terrace house with a lovely big garden. V positive move.

DS1 is 7 and has high functioning autism, DS2 is 4 and NT.

We gave DS1 the small single room, under the theory that it would be his private space and he'd never need to share it or give up his bed for guests.
DS2 has the small double with bunk beds in, but often sleeps in with us anyway. His room has a huge ikea storage unit in it with all the DCs clothes.
This also gives DS1 privacy, as DS2 never has a need to go in his room.

The problem;
DS1 is complaining his room is too small, he spends a lot of time in there, and tips everything out every day.
DS2 doesn't play in his room so much.
Some guests can't stay in the bottom bunk as they're elderly and find it uncomfortable, so DS1 has still occasionally had to give his bed up.

What to do?
If we switch their rooms, we'd need to have a massive storage re-jig so that DS1 could still have privacy.
DS1 would still have to give up his bed for GPs, as DS2 doesn't want to give up his bunk bed.
The best solution is that DS2 has the small room and the single bed, but then he's getting the shitty end of the stick, which happens often enough with an autistic sibling.

Aargh. Sorry for the essay. Any thoughts?

Hmm.

I think I would get rid of the bunk beds. The compromise then is that DS2 has the bigger room but has to be the one to give up his bed for guests.

Could you swap the bunks for a trundle bed, then your DS1 wouldn't have to give up his bed? Is there another space in the house where DS1 could keep some of his things to make his small room less crowded?

We have similar scenario. When we moved in to our 3 bed we gave DC1 (has autism and quite a bit older, has PC, desk etc and needs safe space away from everyone) one of the doubles, and gave DC2 who was toddler at time the single. However I feel like it's unfair now that DC2 is a bit older, plus impractical as now they are needing more space, most of their toys have to be in living room etc. So our solution is that we are giving DC2 the other double! We will move into the single into which we can fit our bed and a TV which is all we need- the deal being that the living room becomes an almost toy free zone.

I say keep it how it is; if you swap round then you’ll have an issue with storage. I don’t really see why DS2 should have to give up his room and his bunk beds just because DS1 wants more space; in years to come he’ll probably want to spend more time playing in his room too.
How often is DS1 out of his room realistically in a year?

I'll never understand why there's always a smaller room. Seems such a daft plan.

Is there any possibility they could share a room to sleep if DS1 had his own space he could use during waking hours?

It annoys me too. With our house layout they could have easily fit 3 good sized rooms instead of 2 big, 1 small.

user149etc probably about 6-10 nights? It's DM and FIL, who only stay a couple of times a year each.

Unfortunately they really can't share. DS1 doesn't sleep well and DS2 is an early riser. Plus DS1 can be violent so we can't leave them unsupervised when DS1 is upset.

We have 3 children, youngest has Asd.

He has a IKEA kura bed in the smallest room with space underneath to play once he wants to be in his room more plus a curtain across has created a den area for him to go to if overstimulated. A mid or high sleeper would work just as well for an older child too.

The older girls share the biggest room with a single bed for the eldest (who was scared of the top bunk). The bunk bed is still there, we created a reading/play area on the top which can house a spare mattress so that middle one can sleep up top if people stay (eldest moves to bottom bunk to free up single bed).

Middle size bedroom is ours as double bed would not fit in the small bedroom and we need storage for clothes too.

How small is small? As in, what can reasonably fit in there?

screaming we have a trundle under the bunk, but it makes the room unusable so is only really for kid sleepovers. The GPs def couldn't use the room with it out.

Olenna he has a single bed, a desk, a small bookshelf, and a wide window that goes across the width of the room, plus a small cupboard that I want to convert into a mini-wardrobe.

123 I wanted to make a raised bed, but he has a problem with heights and would struggle to get in and out with steps when sleepy.

How about a wall bed, would fold up to create floor space. They are a bit pricey though.

We hacked the kura bed to make steps on the side with trofast drawers and plan to put posts and wooden ply boarding to create an upstairs sleeping den that is safer height wise. There are loads of hacks online worth looking at.

Better storage also might help. IKEA algot is quite good as you can put storage up high to get things not being used off the floor.

What about one of those bunk beds with a double at the bottom and single at the top? Like this - www.argos.co.uk/product/8557816

Then no-one has to give up their bed, DS1 gets privacy and DS2 gets the bigger room on the proviso of sharing clothes storage and occasionally sharing with grandparents?

Can you split your room in half, give them that, put your bed in one of the others and have the smallest one for guests?

We had similar issues. If your DS is anything like mine it wouldn't matter how big the room was toys would be everywhere. In the end we deliberately put him in the smallest room to limit the spread. He really struggles to tidy once everything is out and even at 11 I help him do it or at least direct him. I would keep him in the smaller room and look at different beds for the other room.

Depending on his interests you may find that as he gets older he's more interested in TV / tablet / xbox and the size of the room becomes less of an issue.

How big is your room?
I ask this as DH and I came to the startling conclusion a year or so ago that we have the bigger bedroom (because we're the adults) and DS has the smaller room, despite spending about 75% of the time he's in the house in there. We genuinely only use our bedroom for sleeping so it actually made more sense for us to swap round.
It was a big step mentally as we've both been programmed to think that the parents would have the "best" room. As it is DH and I are perfectly happy in our shoe box, while DS has the space to spread out and relax in his newly acquired space.

Godolphian a very very good point I hadn't realised. Yes,, I reckon he'd be the same - however much space he has he'll make a ginormous mess. I couldn't walk across the floor at bedtime, costumes toys drawings Lego and fossils everywhere. Argh.

At the old house we boarded the top bunk bed as a play space. Maybe we could persuade DS2 to give up the bunk, move it into DS1's smaller room to give him more room to play, and keep the trundle in DS2's room. DS2 is happy to give up his bed for guests, and even when he's not he isn't affected like DS1, who really needs his own territory.

DH will not be happy about moving the bunk bed tho, that thing is a dead weight!

crookedwood unfortunately that wouldn't work - our room is only marginally larger than DS2s, not big enough to divide into singles.

Is the wall between the small bedroom and the neighbouring bedroom a load bearing wall or hollow plasterboard? If it's non-load bearing then would taking it down and rebuilding it to borrow a couple of feet from the other bedroom be a possibility? Pricey but solves the problem long term as DS would have more space.

Would the small bedroom fit a double bed? You wouldn't get much else in there, granted, but you and DH don't need as much floor space as the DC so you could take the small room and your DC each have the bigger rooms.

A futon style bed? Sleep on it at night and then fold up into a sofa during the day.

I think you have them in the right rooms. In another year or 3 your youngest will be using his room more, especially when his friends are round, and the whole thing will make more sense.

How about switching the bunk beds for one with a double bed underneath and single over the top? Do you think your elderly visitors could cope with that? You can get them running parallel, which would make the edge of the double more accessible for the visitors, or occasionally perpendicular - basically a high sleeper arranged over the head of a normal double bed. Alternatively how about the bunks going at right angles like this: L shaped bunk beds so DS2 still has his bunks but it's easier access - visitors could have the llow bunk with pillow at the open end. Having a really solid rising mechanism that locks on the trundle might be another way to make DS2's bedroom work for guests without him losing the bunk beds.

A long shot but it might be worth asking DS2 if a double bed is as good as bunks.

I'm with Godolphin. If DS1 is trashing a smaller room that's a good reason to keep him there, and the privacy of the smaller room will come into its own over as they grow. My DS has a soft den under a midsleeper in his small bedroom, and he loves it. I'd be tempted to lose the desk and put DS1's clothes in his room too, when they are a bit older. We've just got rid of desks in bedrooms as they're always just piles of mess and no one ever sits at them!

Honestly.....l just wouldn't have guest's to stay if it caused my SN child that much distress.

I have always refused to turf either of my children out of their beds for someone else - ds1 also with ASD would be distressed by it and he's the priority. Isn't there anywhere else the guests can stay - like your room and you sleep down stairs or in a local b&b?

No idea if these are any good but might help with your bunkbeds

I know what you mean Flary, and DM used to stay at a hotel when she visited because we didn’t want to disrupt DS and she refused to take our bed.
DS1 doesn’t get overly upset at the time, but it adds to his stress, and is an unnecessary strain.

Hooman we can’t afford to do that, and it would then leave us without storage space in our room too, so not practical anyway.

I think a combo of all your ideas may work;
They stay in their current rooms, DS1 gets the bunk bed, with the top bunk boarded out for play space.
DS2 gets the single bed but keeps the bigger room. We could then fit an L-shaped bunk bed in, or build a high platform across a corner for him to play on. DM or FIL don’t stay often, but it’d be good to have a normal bed for them to use when they do, DM whacked her head a few times on the bunk bed as she gets up a lot in the night.
If we ever have couples staying they go on the sofa bed or we do. Again, DM can’t sleep on it! Arthritic grandparents with weak bladders are tricky house guests if you don’t have the luxury of a spare room!

Another option if it's only 6-10 days every year is to get a sofa that converts to a bed with appropriate lighting options and privacy. That would help with the DS issue of rooms. I would keep the eldest in the smaller room and look at ways to fit it up for him. I know you don't want a top bunk for DS1 now, but there are ways to hack IKEA beds, including railings, slides and steps made from cubes. By putting the desk under the bed, you are increasing the space and giving him somewhere private for school work in the future.