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Can you look at these traits- are these narcissistic traits?

7 replies

AMillion · 30/12/2018 10:09

Everything is about her- so examples are

-my DM had major heart surgery and she totally freaks out because she will have to look after DM at home and it will all fall on her. In reality she hardly did anything as DM stayed with my other dsis and I helped her too.

  • she bosses my DM about and expects her to cook and clean for her (she lives with her)
  • when she calls, she just talks about herself- never asks how I am or the kids, she goes straight into I did this / I went there etc.
  • she thinks she has it worse than anyone else ( eg a story of a woman who lost her baby and had to have her ovaries removed - when I exclaimed how sad that was to have a double whammy of grief etc her response was "well, I'm sorry - what about me? At least she has a DH - I have noone". She is currently single.
  • when I had my baby she didn't even text to see how I was- how baby was. I live a ten minute walk away. She never asked about baby or how I am when she did visit 2 weeks later. Was so bizarre.
  • if anything goes wrong she needs to blame someone even if it's her wrong doing.
  • she constantly compares either her life with others or others' lives with others.
  • she labels people and then she's stuck in her ways to think like that forever
  • she says hurtful things and thinks it's ok as it's the truth so then it's nothing wrong with it.
  • she is most controlling and herself qith weaker softer people like me, DM etc
  • she sees people as either beneath her or to be respected who she is nice to.
  • she is a big taker but not much of a giver. So in romantic relationships she expects her dp to move mountains for her whilst she sits pretty doing nothing. Her ideal man is someone who would " look after her." Her words.
  • she openly favouritises select nephews and nieces to the point it's noticed by the other kids
  • on the rare occasion she gets me a gift she will then keep asking about if I liked it, have I used it etc. She does this with the kids too.
  • the most strangest thing is that people think she is lovely and a joy to be around and think she's really nice but they don't know the version i and a few others know.
Even my DBs wife who visits often doesn't see that side to her. It's like she puts a mask on very well with most people.
  • she thinks she is a good "catch" and has a lot to offer

I could go on but this post has become ridiculously long.

OP posts:
MissHemsworth · 30/12/2018 10:19

You could be describing my sister there OP & she is most definitely Narcissistic, a text book case in fact!

AMillion · 30/12/2018 10:57

Thanks. I wasn't too sure as the stuff online ive read I don't think she fits into it. I've been doing a bit of therapy and it's only come to my realisation how negatively shes affected me.

OP posts:
AMillion · 30/12/2018 16:43

She phoned me up today and went straight into " I need you to order X, y, z for me".no please no are you free to do this. I said no, I'm busy. Why?! she asked and I said I have a baby, kids etc and stuff do to? She asked then so? Why are you so busy? I then asked her why she couldn't do it and her response was because I can't be bothered.

OP posts:
MissHemsworth · 30/12/2018 21:58

What would have happened if you'd just said no?

AMillion · 30/12/2018 23:08

You mean without giving a reason? I'm not used to saying no and she probably isn't used to me saying no either! I never ended up doing it for her as she agreed do order the stuff herself. But the just blatant I can't be bothered you just do it did irk me. Like I have nothing else better to do.

OP posts:
Sashkin · 30/12/2018 23:22

She certainly sounds monumentally selfish and I’d be finding myself increasingly busy when she contacted me. Busy, busy, busy. All the time.

Hard to say if she’s a true narcissist or just a selfish unfeeling cow, but I’m not sure it really matters does it? Why would you stay in contact with either person?

AMillion · 30/12/2018 23:55

I don't know. I guess she's my sister and I've never known her to be any different and so that's my normal. It's not occured to me till now how she treats me and it's not on. It does sound crazy but I would never have seen her like this and I was very uncomfortable with it at the beginning.

OP posts:
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