Living in an area I don't like for my DP

[LaytonLow]

Returning home after being overseas for a long time, my parents wanted us to live nearer them (40 mins away) which put us at the end of the train line that is 1 hour 15 into the city.

My DP generously offered to pay our stamp duty, so we are seeing the house as somewhere to park our money for a couple of years as I think we'll be going back overseas in 5 years due to dh job and my dc get some good quality time with their GP.

I wanted to come home, I wanted to be near my DP, the commute is doable, dh likes the area (which surprised me). But I don't like it and 2 weeks in I'm already thinking about when we leave.

How can I give my head a wobble and shake this feeling of being unhappy here.

Drip feed - I grew up here, my DP moved when I was away. I feel like 'how the fuck did I end up back here'

Bump

I live in an area that I wouldn’t choose to live in because of my DHs job. I sometimes find myself scrolling through Rightmove at places I would rather live.

It’s not something that we can/will change, so I look on the positives of where we live. Good schools for my DC, decent employment for my DH and I, nice friends etc.

Coming “home” after a period overseas is really hard. Don’t underestimate the impact of that. I think they call it “re-entry”. IME it’s just as hard as moving in the first place. I came “home” after long periods twice, and the first time I totally failed to settle, and left again within 6 months. The second time I was much more emotionally prepared to cut myself some slack and recognise that it wasn’t really home anymore, it was a new place just like any other. My advice, give it a year, just like you would if you had moved somewhere unknown. I hope you feel better soon.

I hate where I live and can't move. Try to see the positives so you don't resent your DP . I resent my exH on a daily basis and that is very slowly eating me away.

I live somewhere that isn't where I'd choose. DH bought his house here before we met (because it's close to his family and his job) so when we met I moved in with him and that's where we've stayed.

I just make the most of it. I've made our home into my little sanctuary and it's nice to have become close to his family. We are planning on moving in a few years so it's not permanent (we're basically staying here so we can save as much as possible) which probably helps too.

But actually I like it a HELL of a lot more than I thought I would. There's not much to do but we have gorgeous scenery, the people are mega friendly and there a miles of trails for our Beagle to explore. I think if you go into a situation with the opinion that you won't like it, then you'll always find negatives. What DO you like about the area? Can you focus on those things?

Have you already bought? And settled in schools etc? Just checking, you chose to live here for your DParents? Lots of posters have interpreted it as DPartner.

RiddleMeThis2018 I knew it would be difficult resettling, and know I need at least a year, but the thought of being here I a year makes me feel depressed.

BendingSpoons yes we've bought already, dd1 settled in school. And yes sorry my title wasn't clear, it's DParents, not dp.

3 thoughts:

1. I know it won’t help right now, but 2 weeks in is far too soon to be drawing any major conclusions about the success of your move. I should know! We moved country recently, and 2 weeks later I was on here asking for advice about helping my son who couldn’t settle. Posters told me to give it 6 months, and now he’s soooo much better (it still has its ups and downs, but that’s real life, eh?)
2. You seem to blame your DPs (from your title). Can you try to take more responsibility? It won’t help if you feel you’re not the architect of your own life.
3. Can you try to enjoy it vicariously through your DCs and DPs, just for now? You say DP likes it. Can you try to see what he sees? What about the DCs- are they happy at school? Can you enjoy their new relationship with their GPs? A variation on “fake it till you make it”, I guess, but based on the happiness of the people you love.

Riddle I don't blame my DP, it is our choice to live here, but the reason is to be closer to them.

We are back 4 months, but I think I'm just still unsettled and what cheers me up is knowing we can move in a few years.

I'm definitely doing fake it til you make it DH didn't want to come back, and yet he's settled so much quicker than me.