Feel like my life is out of control! Advice needed!

[SylvanianFamiliesNurserySet]

I’m fed up with just about everything. I want to make some big changes to my life and help myself to feel happier.

Good stuff: warm cosy house in good area.
DCs (6 and 8) at good and supportive local school.
No serious/life-threatening health problems.

Not so good stuff: I feel generally run down.
Recent marital breakdown and a lot of financial stress as a result (STBXH refuses to work).
House full of clutter (much of it STBXH’s) and lots of things in it still unfinished eg floors/painting which H never did despite being at home all day.
Feel short of time and out of control

Tricky, but there are several things you can start with:
Clutter: have a decluttering day (could friends or family help you?) put your ex's stuff into storage or ask him to come and get it.
Tiredness: go to your doctor and get checked out, if there's no underlying cause then create a little energy boost program for yourself EG daily exercise, better food, energising meditation, multi vitamin.
Finances: see a free debt advisor (local churches often have one) get them to help you with a plan.

Basically start with small steps in the right direction, you won't achieve everything all at once but if you feel you are moving in the right direction then you'll start to feel more in control.
Good luck.

The best thing I ever did was start budgeting. I use YNAB ( you need a budget) but plenty of free ones available. That will help you feel in control. Also check out Fly Lady or the organised mum method to get control of the cleaning. If the clutter is X husband's can't he come and clear it? If not can the kids go somewhere for a day and you just put it all in bin bags and tell him to pick it up or you're tipping it. Make a jobs list for the other jobs and work out how much each job will cost then add to your budget sheet . Good luck

First tackle the clutter. You'll need a couple of days at least. Since you mention stbxh I would part company with Marie Kondo and just pick up everything that is his and pack it into boxes. So youll need some boxes before you start and somewhere to store them. Once youve done that start with Marie kondo. So get all your clothes - all of them - the swim suits the skiing or hockey gear or whatever - touch every item and ask does this spark joy? If yes keep, if not discard. Just read Marie Kondo honestly it will explain it all bettrr than I can.

Follow her method. I would set aside a weekend a month and do a category each time.

Next step is to tackle the diy houserepairs. Make a comprehensive list. Go into each room and work round writing down what needs to be done. Is it the kind of thing that you can do yourself? Or do you need professional help? If its the first one I would carry on with one weekend a month per room. That means that you will need to use some time beforehand planning. What equipment do i need, do I need to book cjildcare with friends or family.

Does any of that help?

You’ve all helped a LOT, thank you.

Decluttered DS’s room while he is away and took out a lot of toys/junk that isn’t played with any more. Have hidden the things to be charity shopped and if they’re not missed for a while then I’ll donate them. Also filled a rubbish bag.

There’s still a long way to go in his room but it’s miles better now.

Have cleared out my own cupboards too and it feels much better in my room. Vacuum and change the sheets today and it’ll be lovely.

For various reasons I have to hold off with ex’s stuff for a bit but that will make a huge difference when it’s done. Might consider storage but I think he’d rather have the money

Now going to tidy the sitting room a bit and then get out for some fresh air.