I need to tell him, right?

[HaudYerWheestHen]

I came off birth control earlier this year for couple of months for some medical tests and decided not to go back on. I'm 37, have 3 wonderful kids and have been responsible for BC all my life. It's been me taking the pills, getting the mood swings, the weight gain, the bad skin, the hellish period migraines and all those other fun but acceptable side effects (as long as it only happens to us women) and DH has had to take no responsibility at all.

I want another child and he doesn't. Okay. That means I don't get another. The no parent wins. Fine. It's not my decision.

He's an amazing man. A loving, generous husband and fantastic father. But he won't get the snip. He also doesn't like condoms,

Sooo he gets frisky. Hey, I like it too, I'm game. But here's the bit that concerns me. He doesn't suit up. He's decided pulling out will be his BC and (tmi alert!) it's last second and I mean LAST second

He's a fully functioning adult male who took the same biology classes we all did. I'm not saying no condom, no sex because he's the one that doesn't want another child, not me. We all know what withdrawal method means. I may as well call it TTC. So what's my next step? Will an unplanned pregnancy be my fault now? He knows what we're doing.

Do I need to go back on BC? The period migraines are agony. I'm finally beginning to lose the weight. I'm free of those effing pills.

OK yanbu but wwyd if you get pregnant and he demands a termination or he leaves you? You both need to find another way.

Or a sex ban until he gets the snip

Not good enough to say he can’t because it ‘hurts ‘. - hard luck matey

I suppose he thinks childbirth is quick easy and pain free ?? Fgs

You do both know that the penis emits fluid containing viable sperm before ejaculation, don't you..? So even if he pulled out before coming, he would still have been depositing live sperm in you.

I think you're going to have to tell him that the weight of BC is now resting totally on him. So he'll either have to use condoms or if that's intolerable for him, get the snip. Because he doesn't want another baby and presumably still wants sex. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and never mind if that doesn't suit you.

wwyd if you get pregnant and he demands a termination or he leaves you?

Thankfully that wouldn't happen. We both love family life and another one would certainly be loved but he just doesn't want one. I think if it happened it happened but he doesn't intentionally want another ifkwim.

He knows all about the birds and the bees. He knows about pre cum. He's just burying his head in the sand. It's actually quite frustrating that this lovely modern man, a guy who does more laundry, cleaning, caring and kid orientated stuff than I do when he's not working, a devoted dad and loving husband can also have this ingrained chauvinistic part of him. Like he can't even consider that the discomfort a woman on BC has to endure is not hers to deal with. He's not sexist, but... clueless? Ignorant to it?

I suppose his upbringing doesn't help. His mum is a typical 1940's housewife (but born a decades later) who doesn't even get to eat foods she likes because FIL is a fucking toddler when it comes to ridiculous fussy eating. She only buys what he likes, she cleans everything around him and does every scrap of housework. She even washes the pots and pans before she gets to sit down to eat her food. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that DH had his bottom wiped til his teen years or something. What's most frustrating is that I don't think FIL actually cares. It's her own imposed suffering.
Thank god DH doesn't think like that but there are parts of his upbringing that must be clinging on somewhere deep inside.

What a baby! My DH sailed through having a vasectomy, in and out in an hour and was absolutely fine with it.

Sorry but how does that make the OP's DH a 'baby'?

I sailed through 3 pregnancies and 3 vaginal births.

I don't assume anyone else who hasn't, is being a 'baby'.

I would think PP is referring to him being a baby not wanting the discomfort of a vasectomy but women deal with much more pain during pregnancy, birth and after. Even menstrual pains exaggerated or caused by Birth control are okay for us to deal with.

Pregnancy and child birth are moot points here.

And always will be until the time comes when men can carry babies and give birth.

It's always brought up by people who want their DHs to have vasectomies and it's a bit silly.

Following your updates I think you are manipulating the situation in the hope that you become pregnant and that your DH will accept that his choice of BC didn’t work. He doesn’t want another child, you do, he won’t take control so you leave it to fate.

@Nanna50 I'm manipulating nothing, thank you. My husband has been told very clearly that our family's birth control is on him now after 15 years. He says he doesn't want more kids and I've agreed but he still wants sex the way he likes it. He is almost 40. He knows the consequences of unprotected sex or inadequate withdrawal method.
In fact, my OP was pretty much rhetorical. He needs telling nothing. He knows. I guess my question should be, should I tell him again and again like one of the children?

I'm reached a similar impasse with my DP. Except neither of us want another child. So we don't have sex. We do other stuff and will occasionally have PIV with a condom but after 3 kids, years of the pill / coil I have had enough.

It works for us, non PIV is better for me anyway etc....

But I've been pregnant too many time and too easily DC3 was a CD6 baby to chance the withdrawal method for us.

Just start taking folic acid, so any baby has the best chance to be healthy. It really is important. If he asks why you're taking it, remind him that withdrawal is not very reliable and if you fall pregnant you want a healthy start for the baby.

As far as I was concerned, once I hit 40 I wasn't going to take responsibility for BC any longer. I had been responsible for it from being 17, had the kids and as far as I was concerned I had done enough.
My DH protested about having the snip. He was told in no uncertain terms it was either that or he kissed his sex life goodbye starting from that day.
Four completely sexless months later, he had the snip.