Am I emotionally dead?

[itsboiledeggsagain]

Sometimes I feel like I am an emotional black hole, but I am not sure if I am or not. I am very matter of fact about stuff and generally practical and non emotional. I am not sure how normal this is and if it is wise or not.

Examples: my father is in a care home and although it is sad for him I do not regularly get upset. I love him very much. I was very upset in January when I thought he might die but as he is OK at the mo I am not too upset and I try not to think about it too much. My mother is struggling a lot with it and I have very little empathy for her. She is not interested in me and although I would say it makes me sad I don't spend time thinking about this and have never cried.

I have children I love so much. I tell them so a lot. My heart hurts if I think about them growing up and I loved the baby years. I try not to think about this as I don't like the feelings.

I am buggy with my kids but not particularly huggy with dh although we get on well. He would like more hugs but doesn't for eg like to cuddle at night. Sometimes I just tell my kids to stop crying when I know really they are tired or similar and I could be more sympathetic

My fear is that I am going to turn into my mother who is emotionally cold - see above.

What do you reckon?

I think you are self aware enough to not turn into your mum.
You are your own self, it is ok to be you.

Thanks - that helps!

I don’t think you are emotionally dead at all. (If you are then so am I, you sound a lot like me)

For a start you love your father and you were upset because you thought you were going to lose him. Yes it may feel sad that he’s in a home but actually that maybe the best place for him and if he’s ok there then there’s no need to be upset.

You love your kids and are huggy with them. That’s not someone who,is emotionally dead. I am the same. I hug them a lot and tell them I love them. While Ive no doubt my parents loved me I don’t recall much hugging and actually saying I love you. That’s a bit sad, maybe it’s a generational thing.

As for them growing up, I used to dread mine getting older and missing the baby/toddler years but when they grow, you grow with them and find a whole load of new joys/experiences and crappy bits too, but I think it’s normal to feel nostalgic when you look back on their younger years, but you also realise there are bits you definately don’t yearn for 😄 either.

I dont think you will turn into your mother. For a start you sound much more self aware.