Should I start a routine? Parent wisdom MUCH appreciated

[Mississippilessly]

My lovely DS is 15 weeks old. His nightsleep has been awful for the past 3 weeks but we have had better nights for the last 3 (I suspect he was cold - I have given hin extra layers and he seems to be better).

He is my only child and I am off work for a year so he can dictate schedules. At the moment the only routine we have is he has a nap after roughly 90 mins of being awake, stretching to about 2 hrs before bed. Morning nap is usually in the crib but he naps best in his sling. That is normally around 9am but he slept in this morning so it wasn't until 10.15.
If he wakes from a nap at 5pm or later then we will put him to bed 2 hrs later. If he wakes earlier we tend to give him another nap as going to bed at 6 or so doesn't seem to work for him. As a result bedtime is between 7 and 9. We tried keeping him downstairs with us but he seems to wake up when we bring him upstairs so at the moment we are going to bed when he does.
We don't wake him from naps.
Should I be trying to wake him and engineer a more fixed routine? It would be lovely to be able to reliably know when we could do things. I thought the bad nights might be because we use the sling for naps rather than the crib but he has slept better over xmas and his naps have been mostly in his car seat as we have left for visits etc to suit his nap times.
Will it fall into place? Do I let him do his own thing or should I start waking him etc? I know sleep training says all naps in dark room in crib etc but that just seems so restrictive and he gets better quality sleep in his sling.

So - am I doing this wrong?! My head hurts a but from advice and people swearing by sleep training programmes.

Before anyone asks - no I dont think I have PND but I am very anxious about his sleep.
If you read all of that then you are probably asleep too - but I am grateful for any wisdom!

OK well you'll get a million different answers so the thing is working out what suits you best. It sounds like you would benefit from him being down in his crib so you aren't with him all the time. Thinking back a few years now but my two at that age were up 6_7 ish, feed, mat time etc then nap about 9 which was when I got showred, dressed etc. Then up by about 10.30 and we'd usually go out for a bit. Then early nap between about 12.30 and 2 and another maybe 4-5. At about 6 we would do bath and feeding and in cot by 7 ish. As they got older that first nap went and it became 2 naps roughly from 10-11.30 and 2-4. If we were home they'd always be in the cot upstairs, if out then in a pram but they were usually shorter then. It worked for me because give or take a bit it was fairly predictable and gave me reliable times that I could plan to do things but every child is different so you do have to find your way. I. Found that thinking in terms of a pattern rather than a routine was helpful.. Sleep, feed, change /play, sleep, feed etc. Whatever you do, be aware that it will change every few months as they wean, get more active, teethe etc so any pattern is never set in stone. Good luck x

I love a routine, in life and with my kids. Luckily they liked it too. I started off with Gina Ford, but moved onto Baby Sleep Sensation; same pattern as a PP says, but less totally fixed times. Good luck x

I should say, I did try to do all naps in either the cot in a darkish room (or sling if out, but this was less reliable). I did also wake them from naps eg
7am wake
8.30am nap
10am wake
Midday nap
3pm wake
5pm 40min nap if needed
7pm bed

But flexible on some days, so moved it a bit later if they went to sleep later.

Sparky thanks for sharing. Did they sleep well through the night? Do you think the routine helped?

I would definitely like some more time away from him but I also want him to sleep well so if the sling is what it needs then i cant see a way out of that!
I'm just a but rudderless and u feel like we haven't got into a swing which by this point I was hoping we would.

DS always napped in the sling or buggy.

I worked out how much he would ideally sleep each day then would get him to nap earlier in the sling if he'd not had enough the day before.
We went for rough bedtimes at that age.

Remember that each child is very different. DS had 2 x 45 minute naps and slept 10ish hours a night at that age.

What sling do you have? We would unclip DS from his Baby Bjorn once asleep and lay him down.

I think your routine sounds good, especially for the age. A by the clock schedule comes into practise when naps are more reliable and they’re having 3 meals a day.

We’ve done it based upon awake times and she’s been sleeping through since 4.5 months

rockin its strange but that bit of praise has made me feel less like a failure!

minnie we have the same. I suspect he would wake up..

I wasn't prepared for this level of self doubt!!!

Very dependent on the child. My friends kids live for routine where as the only routine DS is bothered about is set meal times!

It's trial and error. I really tried to implement a routine when he was younger, tried for months but he resisted like mad, found it better just to go with the flow. Now (he's 3 next week) we have fairly set meal times and a clear bedtime with short bedtime routine.

My friend still has very set routines for hers, set days and times they do things, strict naps at home in the cot and her kids love it, they are so much happier with a clear routine where as DS isn't.

I think the routine helped, both my sanity and their sleep! They both took to it quite easily (showing signs of being sleepy, and recognising the routine), and both have slept regularly through the night 7pm - 6.45am), they are 3 and 1 now, from 10 and 16 weeks. (before anyone says it, I know kids are all different, this is just what works for ours) x

Ps. We didn’t do a bath every night, as it was so hot and miss if they were very tired x

I would start an eat play, sleep routine so feed the baby, then play for a bit during day (or stories at night) so the baby doesn't rely on being fed to sleep - you'll appreciate this later) then sleep ( put down, not sleeping in arms). The sleeping will be the hardest at first but worth persevering with, be there stroke, sing etc, pick up put down etc. Let the baby dictate the timings and look for cues. My dd was 4 hours between feeds almost to the minute, then fed for 45 mins straight. My DS was much more of a grazer, 15-20 mins tops. Every baby is different so don't force them into set timings

We do bedtime routine of bath, pjs and feed (try to do a massage but timings aren't quite working out yet).
I would love a decent night!

fairy mercifully this is what we do! Completely by accident.

For me ensuring SIDS guidelines (all sleeps in a room with adult) were more important than a schedule. His schedule will change many many times in the next year.

The best thing I did was to start cosleeping at 6 months. It made a huge difference.

At such a young age you can’t make a mistake as long as he is safe and you are happy.

My DC had a bedtime routine since 2 weeks old.
DH would come home from work. Play/eat/nappy change time. Then bath time, followed by pajamas on and bed. It wasn't perfect, and times varied greatly, however as the boys got older the routine was put firmly into place which they have grown up with so not argued over.
Each family does it differently, I guess it is about figuring out what works for you :)

too we have a similar routine and I do think it helps.