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Dont know what to do about this, I am nasty?

10 replies

theoldtrout01876 · 28/12/2018 02:18

I have a friend, known her for 23 years. We worked together up to 3 years ago, its how I met her. We worked together for 8 years then I moved on to a new job and when I moved again 3 years later got her one there too and we worked together for 10 years.
My DH has given me a certain little gift from my Dd2 every year since birth. She is now 13 and in to shopping for said something every year. Its become an exciting tradition, her looking on line at whats available and going out with Dh the weekend before Christmas to the big mall to get one for me. I look forward to it every year.
My friend found out about this tradition about 10 years ago. She has bought me a bigger, way more expensive version of my Dds gift every year since. I have to say that I have always been "good" to her. Nothing expensive though. She cant boil water so I was always cooking for any special occasions she had, I used to bring a home cooked lunch for us both every day, sending home made bread every week, nothing huge and I knew her and her family appreciated it and I enjoyed doing it.
I love her dearly and would never hurt her feelings but every year at Christmas, there it is, the bigger more expensive version of Dds gift. I have told her it really is not necessary, I dont need/want anything. She insists I have given her so much she needs to get me something I love.
I thought it would stop when we stopped working together 3 years ago. It has not.First year was because I helped her find a new job. Last year it was cos I helped her drop 60lbs and it was to show her appreciation. This year it happened again, due to our schedules we have not met up this year and keep in touch by text, last time was end of August when she said she would be in touch in a couple of days cos she was going away for the weekend. Heard nothing till the Sunday before Christmas. I missed her text as I was out and about. She went into my Dd1 place of work to drop a gift off for me as I hadnt replied to her text. ( Ive text her 3 times since then and got no reply).
I do love her dearly, shes is an awesome human being. I need the gift giving to stop. Ive hinted and out right asked over the years . The gifts she gives are beautiful, they look fabulous in my cabinet but they overshadow what my Dd2 gives me, other people remark on her example and not Dd2s. Now shes older Dd2 has started to comment too. It bothered me on a much lower level when it first started, and I hoped it would stop after I said stuff but now my Dd2 is noticing I need it to stop now. I just dont know how to do it without hurting her feelings ( she really is a lovely lovely human being)
God that was long and such a minor issue, sorry but I need help

OP posts:
WrapAndRoll · 28/12/2018 02:22

Display your DDs gifts only. Tell your friend if she gives you any more they will go straight to the charity shop. Put your DD first.

OrigamiZoo · 28/12/2018 02:26

Why would you think you are the nasty one?Confused
Your friend is plain weird in the gift giving, as said, put them in a box in the loft and only display you DD's.

UnicornSlaughters · 28/12/2018 03:05

Charity shop or sell them. Job done.

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Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 28/12/2018 03:11

She sounds like a bunny boiler

StoppinBy · 28/12/2018 03:36

How does she know what your DD buys for you?

You are going to have to have an awkward conversation with her about it and if she doesn't stop you will just have to put her gift away.

itswinetime · 28/12/2018 03:37

I think your friend is trying to be nice. I get your issue however, my godmother has brought me a Christmas decorations along a certain theme every year since I was born. Over the years a few friends have brought along the same lines thinking because I love what godmother gets I will love what they get. I appreciate the thought but have explained to the friends I don't really need/want that item from them I like it because it is a tradition. I found the best way to deal with it was to start new traditions with these friends because I can see that what they are trying to do is buy thoughtful wanted gifts but it's going slightly wrong. This seems to be the same with your friend. You don't seem to want things but you seem to like this friend so have you tried saying no presents this year let's go to the cinema/dinner/spa ect instead of presents this year. It's not nasty to want to keep this between you and Dd2 just try and find a alternative for your friend who is only trying to show you her appreciation.

curiousierandcouriser · 28/12/2018 04:04

Can you suggest another gift idea for your friend to give you (maybe not something that can be displayed)? That way she can still feel good about giving you something and your DD doesn't feel overshadowed.

SadOtter · 28/12/2018 04:09

Is the gift a very specific thing or something you collect like glass animals or china or something?

You've done a lot for this friend, is it possibly she isn't meaning to outshine DD but knows you collect a certain thing and just has a bigger budget than DD? in which case just tell her shes stepping on DD's toes.

WWYDhelpplease · 28/12/2018 07:42

How does she know what your dd is gifting you to be able to copy?

theoldtrout01876 · 28/12/2018 16:54

SadOtter yes it is something specific. I never collected them till Dh started getting me one for Christmas from dd2.
My friend is in no way trying to outshine anyone, she is actually one of the worlds wonderful individuals. That is my problem, she will be hurt and upset if I say anything and I would hate her to feel like that.
Guess Im going to have to though, I honestly thought it would stop before now

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