Bit worried about my mum

[Zofloramummy]

My mum is 65 in January and has been on morphine for pain for years.
Recently there have been a few things that have been concerning me. She is very short tempered with my dad (he is 70 and quite deaf - won’t wear his hearing aids though!), she keeps telling me he is losing his marbles.
But I’ve had conversations with her and then she has repeated the same conversation a day or two later.
She has forgotten tho ha we have talked about within a day of discussing them.
Xmas day she brought two hot drinks in (one for me and one for her). Sat down and had a chat, then said I’ll put the kettle on and make us a cuppa!
Today she texted me to say my dd has a visit with her dad (she supervises) on Saturday not Sunday. We discussed this yesterday but she had forgotten.
I don’t know if it is absent mindedness, the painkillers, hearing problems or (my worst fear) signs that she is losing her memory. She is also more confrontational and sharp tempered. I’m worried really, anyone else had this?

Morphine can make you a bit brain-addled.

But she could also be showing signs of early dementia. I think the best thing might be to keep a record of these incidents so that if there comes a point when she needs to seek medical advice over this you have the information to confidentially give to GP.

Sounds a bit like my mum. She is late 60s and was diagnosed a year or two ago with Minor Cognitive Impairment which affects her short term memory. She'll repeat questions and statements even within short conversations. I would gently encourage her to get checked out. Sorry to hear this - I know it's stressful!

She has been on morphine for years it’s only recently I’ve noticed these changes in behaviour. Definitely more short tempered and absent minded/forgetful. I will keep an eye and also have a chat with my dad (tactfully) and see if he has noticed anything.

I am worried, she actually had a stand up row with a stranger last week for no real reason. It’s a bit strange because she isn’t quite my mum at the moment she’s a bit off. Having worked in healthcare for 20 years I’m worried about early onset dementia. @IThinkIveFoundYourMarbles did your dm realise she had a problem or did other people have to suggest she needed assessment?

I think she realised herself when we all started getting really frustrated with her forgetting things and repeating herself. But then my dad got concerned and suggested they look into it.

I'm not sure she's necessarily more aggressive (she's always been the type to let you know what she thinks!!) but she's certainly lost some confidence in herself and can get quite defensive, especially when she realises she's forgotten something simple. She knows she has the condition but she's kind of in denial for all practical purposes.

Do you think your mum would be receptive to you or someone else chatting to her about this?

Mum isn’t necessarily aggressive but she has started snapping a bit and being narky. She had a row with a woman she doesn’t know in the market the other week over a table in the eating area. An actual shouting row .
I guess I’m more worried about having the same conversations several times and her forgetting things we have discussed and agreed. When I’ve pointed out to her that we’ve already discussed it she gets defensive.

Is it possibly an infection like a uti ? They can cause personality changes and memory issues in older people.

I think if it carries on for much longer and isn’t attributable to stress etc then yes going to have to talk to her. We are very close and despite that I can see that she would be hurt, but it needs addressing. If it is early onset then there are medications she could try. If it’s due to her pain meds then I don’t know.

It’s been over several weeks and believe me mum would happily tell me if she was having any water works problems she is normally very sharing!

She has also been doing things that have been driving me crazy! I mention that I’m going to get dd xyz, she then goes and buys the same thing!
It’s like she remembers dd need winter boots but not that I’ve bought some, so she goes and buys another pair, drives me potty.

Do you think she has addiction issues with morphine?

Oh definitely she is addicted to the painkillers. She was in Tylex for years and got addicted to that. She has genuine pain issues and has been seen by the pain team. Gradually she has worked her way up the painkiller tree to the top and will be on morphine for the rest of her life.

She wouldn’t cope without them, she has significant joint pain but is hugely overweight and immobile. She has had several joint replacements but her spine is knackered

I say immobile, she hobbles around the house in a trolley but outside she needs a scooter

Has she recently changed her dose or added anything in? Alternatively is her pain worse than before and perhaps having a greater impact?

When I’ve pointed out to her that we’ve already discussed it she gets defensive.

She probably has noticed and is anxious about it.

Memory problems can be caused by dozens of things and apparently most are in some way treatable, so try not to worry too much at this stage. I know it's easier said than done! Apart from talking to her about it, the best thing you can do is to be patient when she gets repetitive.

I think her painkillers have been at a static dose for sometime. She became diabetic about 2 years ago and has managed that quite well.

I pointed it out to her because I was concerned that she didn’t remember. She admitted she didn’t recall the conversation (this has happened more than once) but brushed it off as being tired, stressed etc.

I won’t continue to point it out though as I don’t want to be upsetting her! But I will take note.

She really needs another joint replacement for her hip but they won’t operate as she is too big. So yes pain unfortunately is her constant companion and you can see it in her face. I feel so sad that she has been increasingly disabled for the last 25 years.

Sorry to hear that!

Sorry to hear that OP.
Sounds like it might be worth having a chat with your dad to get his take on it.

Thanks I think I will after the new year.

Sounds like my mum as well - mine is 53, and has had short term memory problems for at least 3 years . She has also got pernicious anaemia, depression, possible personality disorder, seizures, some sort of learning difficulty and brain damage to temporal lobe . So God only knows what it is with her - she sometimes says really strange things that makes me think sometimes she’s not in the same ‘time’ as me ? Eg insisted she worked as a carer ... in a company that was only set up 4 years ago .. but she said she had worked for them in 1986 . She’s never been a paid carer in her life . Can’t process numbers of large amounts of writing - but she can work been phone , Netflix , roast a chicken etc ...

She’s also got a shorter fuse and is less ‘mum’ like at times - she wouldn’t necessarily think to organise supper, offer you a drink etc - it’s very very hard .

She passes MMSEs though ... she’s been referred for a CT head and psychiatric assessment as also overdosed over summer .

Inside I am petrified as Dsis (25, I’m 27) is also severely disabled and I haven’t any other close family - utterly dreading 2019 and terrified things are just going to get worse and worse . I shouldn’t admit it but I have made vague plans for what I would do if anything happened (what I would do to me, I mean) . Haven’t told anyone else about that though .

I noticed my mum having memory problems earlier this year. Not drastic, but noticeable.. Through other investigations in October, they found out she had 2 small strokes, but could not say when they occurred. Maybe it would be worth getting her to speak to her GP?