How to make my birthday less shit?

[losenotloose]

I've always hated my birthday. I always end up feeling melancholy and lonely. Dh tries but I end up feeling disappointed. Last year we ended up going to nandos for dinner and this year I went to bed at 7pm and sobbed. It was today. I'm sure it being so close to Christmas doesn't help.

What can I do to make it feel special?

Tia

Totally understand I get the same. I think it's because I feel like it should be something more than it really is and then that gets me all stressed and always disappointed or just adiment that I don't want to do anything.

I find that splitting it across a few days takes the pressure off. So do something with DH one eve, then friends/family another time. And keep it small and simple and something that keeps the focus off it just being for me like playing board games or going to the cinema

To make matters worse my family don't seem to care. Well dm does but I have virtually no relationship with my dad and out of 5 siblings only one even bothered to send me a happy birthday message.

I've only recently at the age of 34 started making friends so it's always felt like a reminder that I don't have many people to celebrate with. And dh never arranges anything, takes me anywhere spontaneously etc. It's less exciting when it's just me saying shall we go for dinner then?

Maybe I'm an ungrateful cow, I dunno.

Bump please!

Happy birthday, OP! Sorry to hear about your disappointing day.

Do you, DH and any DC have to work on your birthday? If not, can you go on a day out to somewhere new or somewhere you love? Walk, then picnic or pub lunch, walk a bit more? I'm sure mners have many ideas for places near you or easy to reach from where you are.

Or if you have to work, could you book something you enjoy for after work? Cinema or theatre or massage or restaurant?

Spontaneous fun and surprises are great but to avoid disappointment make a plan.

Happy birthday OP I'm sorry you didn't get the celebration guy deserve

I feel similar about my birthday OP and I have a July birthday. I live far from my friends and make a huge effort to send birthday cards and never get any back which always hurts, I know I should stop making an effort.

Next year I'm going to have a birthday day for myself doing a nice thing I want to do- cinema, art gallery, NT property or similar. It might not be possible on my actual day but it'll be a celebration to look forward to.

People don't always know it's your birthday, and if they do, they don't remember. Add your dob to your Facebook profile and everyone gets a reminder. I got about 2 birthday cards this year, and 33 Happy birthdays on FB! With cakes and whizzing balloons!

Thanks for the kind replies. Me and dc are off but dh is often working. It looks like I'm just going to have to plan my own birthday fun and be done with it. Dh just doesn't seem to get this stuff, whether it's birthdays, anniversaries even days out I'm always the organiser.

And as sad as it is my siblings just don't care. I'd love to have a loving, close family but it's not going to happen.

It's my birthday today too! Happy birthday to you.

I never do much for mine, usually a walk and a cup of tea out with a bit of people watching (that's what I like, although I'm not actually as old as that makes me sound) but today has been spent lying on the sofa bemoaning a filthy cold and occasionally getting up to eat a chocolate. Actually it's been quite nice, I wish I didn't feel too ill to properly enjoy it.

Anyway - do you know how you'd like your birthday to be? And have you communicated this clearly to your DH? He may not know or realise how you feel.

My birthday is already on Facebook! That's what made me particularly sad, my siblings would have seen the reminder and still didn't bother.

Well I enjoy going out. Cinema, restaurant, walk around London. I've mentioned it before that I'd like to be surprised but he forgets. He did surprise me with my present but I keep not planning anything just in case. That's why we ended up at nandos last year!

Happy birthday OP!
I always feel a bit sad on my birthday, a but disappointed, but over recent years I buy myself nice things, get my hair done, and decide what I want to do. I don't wait for my husband to surprise me, as he invariably doesn't.

I don't even put my birthday in my diary but everyone else's in. At my age I'd rather forget them!

"it's always felt like a reminder that I don't have many people to celebrate with."

That's exactly how I feel on my birthday. I don't like it and always say I don't want to do anything but I would secretly love to have enough people to celebrate with.

Sorry I have no words of wisdom

I only have a tiny family and one life long friend ( my choice) who lives a long way away. It is lonely not having many to share your birthday but I only want to spend it with people that live me anyway so I don't feel hard done by. I don't even want a funeral as there would only be 5 people max at it so have arranged to donate my body to science. The people I love know I love(d) them. And I feel loved by them. So my advice is enjoy yourself with those that love you and appreciate them for wanting to spend it with you, even if it is 'just' Nandos.

My only advice is don't be afraid to ask/arrange for what you want and what would bring you joy. I get that surprises are nice(I was like that too) but it won't really matter who planned it when you are enjoying yourself. Make a list of what you'd like. I do the list ,DD picks (kid has awfully good taste,plus everything is extra special because she picked it) and OH pays. Plus,since they're out and about anyways ,little things not on the list make their way in so there are surprises too.
I get it,most of my family and friends are in a different country,the ones i made here are mad busy or broke or have plans(Bday 2 days before xmas) and December has always been a shit month for me since i can remember. Too many bad memories,expectations,disappointment. OH doesn't particularly care about bdays or Christmas and struggled with the pressure of getting it right.
Last year wasn't too bad, but this year was the first year I didn't get the December blues. For me that's a win.

What would happen if you took a step back and wasn't on hand constantly?

I am not trying to say what your doing is wrong but I do ahssb
M

"I've mentioned it before that I'd like to be surprised but he forgets. He did surprise me with my present" - but does he know how truly important this is to you and how it makes you feel that he doesn't do this for you?

I've stopped celebrating mine. I've hated it since my teens for whatever reason and no matter what I try I still find it depressing. No expectations, no plans and a day off work if possible seems to give the best results.

Dedicate May 1st bank holiday as your official birthday, have two like the Queen.

Up to you of you still have gifts now but make sure your May birthday you go out somewhere or do something. Pick a bank holiday or day you know you will be off.

Organise your own birthday. Let him organise his own whenever that is. Everyone's sorted. No tears.

I'd love to have a loving, close family but it's not going to happen

Create one from the family you have - your DH and DC. Rather than burden the poor bloke with having to come up with the right sort of surprise - tell him how you would love to spend your birthday - either with the kids or getting a babysitter and going out just the two of you.

Then focus on having fun your DH and DC rather than feeling on how cheap your siblings are.

*focussing on how crap your siblings are!

I feel it my calling to ensure Capricorn’s have a great birthday. You are not alone in hating having a birthday close to Christmas or New Year.

You will definitely need to organise your own day and make sure you do the same thing every year. That way slowly everyone will remember.

It’s not a bad time for a small house party even if you can only invite a couple of local families.
Go away for the night somewhere lovely every year.
A couple of nights city break in Europe is great value in January. Flights are cheap and places will be lit up but less busy than other points of the year.
Just make sure it’s a regular “event” and everyone will remember it eventually.

I'm just going to have to organise my birthday the way I want it. I wouldn't organise a house party as I don't have a enough people to invite! I need to think of something I'll really enjoy and make it happen.

My siblings don't care and that's not going to change so somehow I have to get over it but it's hard. And dh just doesn't get it. To be fair to him he's not bothered about these things for himself either. Thing is for me it's a bigger picture, he never suggests or organises anything we do eg holidays, days out. I feel like if it wasn't for me we'd never do anything!