MIL has a very obvious girl crush on DH’s ex wife and it’s making me feel weird.

[XOhTriangleSquare]

That’s it really.

This Xmas MIL was with me and DH and our two girls, and DSD was at her mum’s house. We Skyped DSD on Xmas morning, before the call MIL was getting all giddy and saying things like ‘oh I can’t wait to see what DSD and DH’s ex wife are wearing’, etc. And then when we did Skype them, MIL was really gushing about how ‘divine’ they looked. None of us got any such compliments.

It makes me feel weird for a number of reasons. First, DSD is the image of her mum, they are both mixed race, so DSD doesn’t resemble our side of the family (well, obvs not me, I mean DH, MIL and DCs). I feel like MIL thinks they’re more beautiful than our children.

Also, I am friends with DSD’s mum on Facebook. I don’t go on it all that much but I get notifications on my phone. DSD’s mum is fond of a selfie, and I notice that MIL likes every single one that she posts. MIL has never liked any posts I’ve ever put on FB. I happen to know for a fact that MIL and DSD’s mum barely ever speak directly and haven’t done for years (DH and I have been together for ten years). They only see each other at DSD’s birthday and maybe over Xmas. DH’s ex was also the one to leave him, she cheated. So it’s not as if MIL feels ‘guilty’ towards her or anything.

Which brings me to this Xmas when DH was going to pick up DSD on Boxing Day. There was no need for MIL to go, but she insisted on going with DH and again, got all giddy about the idea of seeing DSD’s mum. She reminds me of Sheila Royle from the Royle family if you’ve ever seen it.

It just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like MIL thinks I’m ugly compared to DH’s ex. I feel like MIL thinks my children are less good looking than DSD. I feel like MIL is a bit odd and stalky and it makes me see her in a different light in general.

I know this isn’t AIBU. But AIBU to feel weird? Or have I just spent too much time with MIL over Christmas?

That is very strange behaviour especially as it was the the ex wife that did the dirty on your husband , you would of thought she would of hated her !
Don't have any advice I'm afraid but I can confirm it does seem odd

Yes it does sound like a girl crush doesn't it, however I wouldn't take it personally or think that she likes you more or less because of it.

I think the fact that she is your DH exw is irrelevant, MIL would have got the crush if she'd been her neighbour or her hairdresser, I'd actually find it funny

So what if she thinks they are better looking? You seem obsessed with people's looks. That seems to be your main objection....

I wouldn’t stress about it! She isn’t around that much and maybe when they were married your MIL got on very well with her!

Also agree with Sarcelle- maybe she and her daughter are more attractive, that’s life and nothing you can actually do about it. Doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

Be grateful she doesn't have a crush on you...

Maybe she doesn’t know she cheated?

It sounds like she wants to keep in touch with her GD, which is harder to rely on when her DM is not with her son anymore. I doubt it’s about ex at all, you’re reading far too much into it.

I'm torn here.

I can absolutely see it's hurtful to you that your MIL does this, and your DH ought really to have a quiet word about it.

But, I do wonder if she's actually overcompensating rather than anything else? After all, she may not quite know how to show friendliness to her son's ex partner (and she obviously wants to maintain a good relationship with her grandchild).

Thirdly, well ... I think 'girl crush' is a slightly 'off' phrase at the best of times, and definitely dubious here.

Thanks for the opinions.

It’s not really to do with looks. It’s more that MIL acts like a bit of an odd stalker and that makes me want to keep her at arm’s length. It’s definitely odd behaviour.

Also, it hurts that I think there is slight favouritism for DSD over my girls :(

The idea she favours their looks over yours is somewhat odd imo, do you feel inferior or scared dh doesnt find you attractive? As I cannot see the issue otherwise.
Dsd is her granddaughter too, her first. She will always have that special place. Also, and I say it as mine are mixed heritage, but a lot of mixed race kids are v attractive, my own are, much more so than average white kids-their features are exotic, masses of dark hair, olive skin and big brown eyes. They are stunning kids, everyone says so. Thats just pointing out a fact, it doesnt mean anything negative towards others. I think, kindly, you sound a bit insecure x