If I were to die, what would happen to my children?

[Mummysharkdoodoodoo]

I left an abusive marriage 6 years ago. I have a 11&9 year old from it. Their dad has seen them 15 times in that 6 years. He doesn’t provide financially or emotionally or physically. Their step dad (Been together 5 years but I didn’t introduce for a year) has provided everything. We have a child together (2yo) and he is honestly the best thing to ever happen to us. The kids openly admit they love him more as he’s nicer 😩😂.

I’m terrified I’m going to die and they will be forced to live with the ex (and his gf& her five kids). They don’t want to see him, and dd actually refuses to have any contact with him.

What do I do? He happily says that “if you die and do us alla favour, I’m having the kids and your pathetic family can’t stop me”.

I feel sick 😩😩 I had a horrible dream that I was dying and had a few days to sort it all, now I’m worryingl

OP you might be better getting this transferred to the legal section.

Will try and get it moved x

You need to see a solicitor and get your wishes for the children legally set out. They would have a right to maintain a relationship with their stepfather and half sibling. You also need to log your ex's threat against you with the police. Because that is a threat.

Thank you, all threats have been logged. Honestly they wouldn’t go to him. It terrifies me. They adore their step dad 😩 and I know for a fact ex wouldn’t let them see my family ever again.

I'm in this situation and this is the advice my solicitor has given me so I'll be interested if others have a different legal opinion.

Unfortunately your ExH, their father has parental responsibility and therefore the children would go to him.

However, if it's proved he's an unfit father, I.e something serious like would harm them (rather than stop them seeing your family) then the courts could intervene, they would also start to take your children's wishes into account as they get a bit older.

What age would they take it into account? And what age do they not need to go to him. Is it 18? X

So, my friend who is in a similar situation, got an emergency parental responsibility order for her DSS who is 13 after her partner died. It's marginally different - it was considered that her DSS's mental health would deteriorate if he was sent to his other parent - but it wasn't as difficult as you'd think it would be and was sorted relatively quickly. Her partner made no provisions in their will either, despite it being their wishes and knowing that they were dying.

No as I understood it more like age 12/13.

My DD is only 8 and doesn't even have any contact with her father who lives in a different country but still apparently she would go to him if I die. I'm hoping he wouldn't want her and therefore she'd go to the people I've wished for.

Basically I just need to not die.

Many years ago, when my first marriage ended, I took the step of getting legal guardians for my 3 young children. My solicitor advised me that a judge would not necessarily send the children to live with their guardians but would give serious consideration to the fact that I felt it necessary and had strong reasons why they shouldn't go to their father.
Thankfully those children are parents themselves now and I am still alive!