14yo DS invites to house party for NYE WWYD?

[youarenotkiddingme]

Ds is 14. House is about 3.5 miles from us.

No parents will be there. Party says 7pm- 3am.

Ds says he won't drink and can't have much with the medication he takes. He always refuses a sip when my brother offers it.

Ds is a really good child and generally does the right thing despite what others do.

However he's autistic and this make him vulnerable in other ways.

He was fine when I said 12.30 curfew if I let him go, was fine when I said I really didn't think it was a good idea (and said shall I text no then?) and being really good about me saying I'll think about it.

He's now just announced the older sister will be there - who's 19. Friend doesn't know if her sisters friends will be there.

Any advice? WWYD?

My instinct was no. But it's hard when you do t have a 'normal' experience of a teen. I don't want to limit ds or baby him. Despite his delays.

So Man is great for asking others what they'd let their own teens do. My experience in RL is mostly my best mate who'd have packed hers off with alcohol and picked them up whenever they wanted.

Thy extreme doesn't fit well with me neither!

DS2 has been a member of a computing club for 12-16 year olds for about a year now. They run formal courses in evening classes and have a gaming club on Saturdays for socialising. The Saturday club was too much at first.

He wrote a piece for English which was a hilarious guide on how to cope with unstructured social environments that read like a stand up routine. His teacher thought it was a work of fiction (internet school so most teachers don't need to know his diagnosis) but it was proper advice. He gave an example of how he had used the prop of a glass of water which he drank from to avoid having to speak or respond to questions. There were then capital letters, bold text reminding the reader to find out where the toilets were located before employing this tactic.

Last weekend he spent 6 hours at their charity gaming event, came second, and was totally comfortable.

I wouldn't have let him go to a house party though - he would be like a budgie that flew outside and was pecked to death by streetwise sparrows.

If it helps OP, i have DCs 17, 15 and 14. I let mine go to parties when they were 15, gave them 4 cans of weak lager, and picked them up midnight at the latest. Last NYE it was 1am. I don’t let them stay at friends houses after a party, but they can have friends stay or I will drop home. I want them home so I accept I have to pick up. We’re just introducing the notion of an Uber on family account for emergencies.

The 17yo is pretty much allowed to do as he pleases now but seems to be fairly sensible.

They also have parties, DS had a 16th (messy) and a 17th and I’m here in the background. DS will soon have his 16th. Don’t underestimate the amount of alcohol kids can get their hands on. Older siblings will buy it, they will ask strangers to buy it for them. It’s not just a case of pinching a couple of cans from home.

I think this has worked out well for you. I wouldn’t let my 14yo go to a party until 3am with no parents in charge, or a party hosted by a 19 yo.

HTH