How can we decline a Christmas invitation with upsetting anyone?

[florentina1]

We get on very well with all of our adult children and their partners. We are very relaxed about visiting, they are always welcome here and we are welcome at theirs. None of us ever intrude on each other and any time during the year, if an invite is refused,no offence is ever taken.

They are now leading very busy lives and I feel that I want to give them some space at Christmas. This year we were spending Boxing Day with one of them and, in conversation in the weeks previous, they said they were not looking forward to Christmas this year. I really wanted to say that we were happy to stay at home, but I know they would have been mortified.

So Boxing Day arrived and we were made very welcome, but I could see that they were both really tired and were a bit relieved when we left early evening.

We are mid 70s and I wonder how I can say to them that we want to stay at home Christmas and Boxing Day, without seeming like a miserable ungrateful person.

You have said "None of us ever intrude on each other and any time during the year, if an invite is refused,no offence is ever taken."

So why not simply say that this year you would prefer to stay at home, but you are of course welcome to visit? Make it about your needs and not them.

It is not practical for them to visit us at Christmas time. Tackling the motorway and not being able to have a drink plus taking the smaller ones away from their toys would not be fair.They are so hospitable that just saying we prefer to stay seems a bit ungrateful for all of the effort they go for us.

I think just a 'how about this/next year we'll spend Boxing Day at home, let all the carnage of Christmas Day calm down and arrange to meet up for a meal/come to yours on the 28th/29th'.

But why not just tell them the truth? You're surely less likely to offend them doing that than tying yourself in knots trying to come up with something that isn't true.

They'll probably see through that anyway and then they'll start second guessing what your real reason for not coming is. And nobody ever comes up with "Oh they're probably just trying to make things easier for us."

So just tell them: ,you know it's hard work with young kids, you don't want to add to that. You truly don't mind staying at home. Or are there compromises? Could you go for just brunch in the morning? Could you go but bring the food? (A cooked gammon, with potato salad for example) Or could you go at a later date, like New Year at some point?

But make it a conversation. And remember, you can enjoy hosting someone and still be relieved when they go!

I’d be careful OP. If you want to see them and they want to see you don’t contrive reasons not to go. Life with small children, especially Christmas, is tiring whether or not you are there but they will still want to see you.
We get on well with DPs parents but they live several hours away and every year they say they don’t want to come and be any trouble. Every year we have to find an extra weekend near Christmas for us to go and visit them when we actually would love to see them and spend Christmas with them. We end up feeling like they don’t want to see us, however good their intentions are, and it hurts.

Thank you for a balance of opinions. I will think about the advice

Every year is different. Some years you feel well some other years we've been very unwell.
How about if you see each other leading to Christmas?
Sounds like you have a close relationship.
We see my mil first or second week of December and that's it. We are all fine with it.