Hello, I'm new at this and to be honest I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting this.. maybe for someone to say that I'm not going crazy or that someone out there has been through something similar and can offer some insight or maybe just to let out what I'm feeling inside before it destroys me. In the meantime, thankyou for listening.
I have been married for 20 years and have 2 teenage daughters.. I feel pathetic saying this but I've been unhappy for the past 10 years. I used to be so positive and full of energy but as the years go on it's like the relationship is draining me. In the last few years I have been able to gain some financial independence and have constantly been thinking about leaving but emotionally it is so difficult. For years I have tried talking to my husband who is emotionally absent and has been for the moat part of the marriage. I always thought it was me, maybe if I acted differentely or paid more attention to him he would change but over the years I've learnt that this is not the case and will never be. He is not capable, he's a good provider, works, and he a good father as far as the practical things such as the daily school runs etc but never supports me in any confrontations that I have with the girls, he never once intervenes but pretends he doesn't hear. Raising teenage girls is not easy and sometimes I need him to have my back but sometimes he even contradicts me in front of them making it even harder for me to get my point over.
Things are going from bad to worse despite the number of times that I have tried to speak to him, he is convinced, or pretends to be there is nothing wrong and he says how could I live with myself even thinking of ending a 20 year relationship?
Christmas for me has always been a special time but this year I feel so depressed, my husband is so cold and unemotional, my kids are doing growing up and quite rightly want to do their own thing with their friends, I feel so lonely...