How can I shake up Christmas next year without offending anyone?

[GinGeum]

Basically, I have an older sister who is a self confessed control freak. Every year for Christmas and her birthday, she asks for something very specific for her and her DC, I order it, get it sent to her house, and that’s the end of it. There is just nothing enjoyable about it if I’m honest. I don’t see the children opening presents, I don’t have the fun of choosing something, and it all just seems a bit pointless. Neither of us are poor so we can reasonably buy things for ourselves throughout the year, so it almost becomes a task to think up something to ask for just for the sake of it.

We never spend Christmas or birthdays together, we are such polar opposites and have nothing in common really. We don’t get invited to their house and I invite them here but they are scared of our house so never come.

I did think maybe I could suggest we stop buying for each other and just buy for the children, but it’s still so micro managed that I don’t see the point. She would never say ‘the DC are into X at the moment if you want to get something to do with that’, it’s always ‘here is a link to X present, can you get it in Y colour please’.

Can I just suggest we don’t do presents? Is that mean on the DC? I’d rather just receive a card made by my nieces or see them! Any other ideas on how we can get out of this routine?

Switch to giving money or nothing or only low value "surpise" presents.

Sorry but why are they scared of your house? Do you live in the Overlook Hotel or something 🤔

Scared of our house because it’s old and might be full of ghosts apparently!

Speak to her. Tell her you don't like buying gifts that she has been so specific about. Ask her to send you a range of links and choose one of them for her. Then she gets a bit of a surprise.
Or just buy her something she may not like which means you've sort of wasted your money. I buy my DDs gifts that they have asked for eg jumper, make up, slippers, but choose the actual type myself and give gift receipts. I spend ages buying them nice cards, and wrapping them up beautifully.

I'm with you OP. There's something so transactional about doing it your sister's way.

If you don't suggest it you'll never know if she will go for your suggestion or not. You never know, she might be relieved.

I would say presents for children only ( Martin Lewis style). I would then ignore her lists and buy whatever I thought the children would like.

Scared of your house? Where the fuck do you live? York dungeons?
I would be insulted beyond being able to put my hand in my purse for that op.

I would be insulted beyond being able to put my hand in my purse for that op

It does annoy me a bit but I’ve just sort of accepted we are complete opposites in our tastes now, and if the ‘ghosts’ and log burner are too scary then so be it...

I think saying ‘I’d really like a new jumper’ and letting someone pick something is fine, but saying ‘can I have the pink ribbed jumper from Gap in a size 8 please’ is just so... dull

I’ll approach the subject in a few months and see if she’s keen to change things as well. I don’t want to buy her useless shit just so I can say I chose it, but there must be a happy medium.

Maybe a cheque written to a therapist for her fucking odd phobias?

Totally agree Op. In my family, we've always chosen what to buy for each other, although we only buy for the kids now. I accept there will have been times that we've called it wrong, but I think it's nice that present-giving involved some level of thought and consideration. It also helps that we're all fairly good at choosing!
DH's family do it completely differently though, and it really feels like everyone is just placing an order. Much of December is taken up with emails going back and forward.... can I have this please and this is what my dc would like from you all with links to specific items. I know it means that everyone gets what they want, but it seems so clinical.

Santa

I think seeing how DH’s family work is just highlighting how ridiculous the whole present buying has become. In their family they actually do the opposite and buy only for the adults, mainly because there’s 5 of them and some had three children, some had none. But it’s always just a token like a book or something to eat/drink.

Why not ask for a list so you can pick from it. we do that so you know the gift is wanted but you get some choice.

When we had children we stopped buying for adults. So only sibling adult we now buy for is one who hasnt had children.

The children we stop at 18, so 3 no longer get presents and one does.

How old are the children as that has a natural end without any difficult conversations

We do a day out around Nov time to cover Christmas gifts. Started years ago and is great success. Youngest child is 4 and oldest 13. This year was crazy golf and mcdonalds. One family paid for activity and other the burgers. Children still talking about it!! Was great fun

Meant to say we could afford to spend 100s but seems excessive when noone needs anything

Kezzie her DC are both under 5 and I’m about to have my first.

I love the idea of a day out instead, but we live at opposite ends of the country so isn’t massively easy, and that would probably end up with a spreadsheet itinery!

Oh difficult...as theres a lot of years to go and they do like gifts at that age!

Congratulations by the way! Exciting times.

Tell her you've joined the Eco-Xmas movement. No unnecessary gift giving; vegan food only; recycled, recyclable & reusable decs only.

I'm thinking of actually doing this ^^

Just ignore the request and buy her and her DD what you want.

It’s great she suggests gifts. Environmental and economic. However why not meet somewhere for a gift opening Boxing Day or New Year’s Day or similar

My sisters like this. Every year since nephew born sends out ‘the list’ since everyone has started ignoring it I’ve noticed the list getting shorter...