Feel really awkward.... what would you do?

[Ilmb]

My neighbours (moved in about 6 months ago) have just come round to wish us a merry Xmas, given chocolate for kids and a bottle of wine for me..... I didn’t get them anything and feel awful! They are really lovely but don’t see each other a lot as they work long hours.... I feel guilty and awkward! Would you feel bad in this situation?

Aww that's very considerate of them! U can't feel bad as it's not the norm and u didn't expect it.. just return the favour when u can

I don’t get this angst over tit-for-tat. at all

Surely the point of Christmas for adults in the main is the joy of giving? I couldn’t give a shiny shit if my presents aren’t “reciprocated”.

I saw a thread recently where nearly all posters were saying they wouldn’t dream of giving a gift to someone who hasn’t bought for them previously for fear of upsetting them and making them feel guilty for not reciprocating.

Accept the gift in the spirit in which it was given. The gift giver gave it to you as it gave them pleasure, and they want you to enjoy it. It’s not about you returning the favour.

They are really lovely, they know I’m on my own with dc and say let them know if I need anything, although I don’t..... I did get a tin of shortbread for my very eldery neighbor the other side as her husband died a year ago tomorrow... but isn’t get anyone else anything as I don’t know them or see them. I just hope they don’t think I’m rude not returning a gift?

Do you maybe take parcels in for them or feed the cat etc. It’s maybe for the appreciation of you being a good neighbour or they just wanted to do something nice at Christmas. Don’t feel guilty and don’t buy them a gift. Appreciate your nice neighbours.

Maybe some handmade thank-you cards from the kids (depending how old they are!)? I'm sure they aren't expecting anything in return so enjoy your wine and having such lovely neighbours!

I just took my neighbours a small gift a card round. They are elderly but even if they weren’t I wasn’t expecting anything in return! Don’t worry.

Are your kids old enough to make them a card or a drawing? If they are I'd take that round.

We moved in 6 months ago. We took them a bottle of wine to say thank you for putting up with the noise of my children. Today they've came round with wine for us and presents for the littlies. They really didn't have to and we didn't expect anything in return.

Mine are pre teen/ early teens so a little passed drawing pictures... could suggest it though.

I guess it’s just that people don’t buy me gifts so it took me by surprise and wasn’t sure what to do! (If they were attached to my house then I definitely would’ve bought something as mine are VERY aloud!)

I buy a stash of emergency gifts for this reason. I moved last year and my neighbours are absolutely fantastic. Always helpful and chatty. I feel like I have stepped into the 50s! They bring my kids gifts and I have received cards from people I have never spoken to! Maybe give them a bottle for new year and next year make sure you have a stash of wine and selection boxes!

This is just normal neighbourly behaviour. And if christmas giving was tit for tat we might as well exchange performative speech acts:

Me: "With these words, dear person, I give you a present!"
Person: " I with these words reciprocate adequately!"

I'm sure they won't think you're rude. You could always pop round with a bottle of Prosecco on NYE so they can toast the New Year with bubbles?

A New Year card would be nice- raid the supermarket sales for cheap chocs and booze.

I'm off over to my neighbours bearing gifts shortly. They feed my cat and gave us a setter this year! They are absolutely lovely, I don't for one minute expect anything in return and neither will your neighbours.

They also gave us a settee

Just pop a card through the door OP, don't worry about it.

We sent over a little something to our neighbours and they gave us some chocolate a few days later - totally unexpected and unnecessary but nice of them all the same. They're the ones who seem to always get lumbered with our parcels when I pop out for two minutes (seriously, it's eery) so I figured the least we could do was some wine and chocs!