If you are NC with a parent/s what do you tell your DC?

[thisiscoffee]

We have a 3yo and I’ve never told him about my parents, of which I am now NC. My DM has seen DC twice as a baby and DF not at all. Both live in long-haul destination country.

DC sees his paternal grandfather weekly and paternal grandmother passed away last year but I think he slightly remembers her. I’ve just never told him, and presumably he has never learnt, that most people have four grandparents.

I just don’t know whether to leave it and wait to see when he asks questions, or tell him I have parents too who live a long way away but I don’t have contact with them - and then I’m at a loss as to what I could say in an age-appropriate way of explaining why etc.

That they live in a really hard to get to place without a telephone. I stopped getting questioned about it after a while.

Mine never really asked until they were older (I'm NC with my bioDad but have a Step Dad) even though he was mentioned on occasion due to my SIL deciding to get in touch with him (long story) I told them the truth to a certain extent - he wasn't very nice to me and it's better not to see him. Now they're teens they know more details but it wasn't necessary before.

I've been nc with mine at points and am currently nc with my sister.

When dd was younger I just said they were a long way away. Then as she got older I told her the truth of my situation in an age appropriate way.

It's primarily my dad that's the issue and when we moved up nearer them (to get support from other family) and then my mum was quite ill at one point and I decided to adjust things (not sure if I made right decision there) so I explained my thinking to dd she was a bit older at this point.

When I went nc with my sister that was in part due to how she treated dd! (That was really final straw to be honest) so dd had no problem with that at all and not only understood but was relieved/happy.

At this point dd is almost an adult and knows all the history and has made her own mind up. She is ok but not overly enamoured with mum, doesn't have anything to do with her aunt and hates my dad.

It's difficult. I always think honesty is best but these are big concepts for little ones - hell most adults struggle to understand if they've had happy childhoods and loving parents!

You do what's best for your family whatever that might be.

My ex mil went nc with us 10 years ago, my eldest was 6, initially I used to say nanny was busy when they asked about her. Gradually they forgot all about her and did mention it. Now if they ask
I just say I have no idea why she decided not to see them.

We're NC with MIL and SIL, have been for five years now. DC1 vaguely remembers them but not very well as they weren't overly involved with him, DC2 doesn't remember them at all and they've never met DC3 or DC4.

DC1 and DC2 have asked about them now and again, mainly DC2 asking things like "has daddy got a mam?" and "does daddy have brothers and sisters?". We explained that MIL and SIL made a choice not to be part of our lives, that it was nothing the DC did/didn't do, and that sometimes people get so caught up in who is right or wrong that they can't move past it. We said that if they wanted to see MIL or SIL we could set this up for them but both DC said they don't want to. As they get older we'll fill in more of the details if they want to know them and will offer the choice again but their grandmother regularly passes them in public with no acknowledgement so even though we've said to the DC that we could arrange contact of they want it I don't know if that would be reciprocated.

NC is hard but it's often for the best when you've reached a point where a relationship does more harm than good.

My child isn't yet born but I will tell her if it comes up that my parents didn't like me very much and wernt very nice to me. I'm not expecting it to come up till she's older anyway as my best friends parents will step in for grandparent duty

I'm NC with my DM due to her alcoholism. DS is 7 and hasn't seen her since Easter this year. Despite seeing her at least once a month from birth until about 5 he hasn't asked about her at all. If he did I'd probably say she was busy until he's old enough for an answer more closer to the truth. To complicate matters, I still talk although rarely see my DF who is still unhappily married and living with my DM. DS adores my DF but sadly their relationship is dwindling because of the shit storm it causes my DF when he wants to visit us. When we see him DS has never asked where DM is.

DP has pretty much always been NC with MIL since I've known him apart from a few failed attempts at reconciling. DS has met her 3 times at various points in his life and has no idea who she is now and doesn't ever ask about her. She's never met DD.