DH had a private lap dance on his stag do.

[LovelyUnicorn]

This is on my mind because of another thread on here just now.

DH & I have been married best part of a decade. He had his stag the weekend before our wedding. We were young when we married, he was 23.

He got back from his stag and didn't mention anything about the fact they went to a strip club.

We got married the following week and while we were on our honeymoon, out of the blue he told me there was something on his mind that he needed to tell me. He told me that at the end of the night on his stag do, his brother and the other guys took him to a strip club and they all paid for him to have a private dance.

At the time, I said I understood and was glad he had told me and that I didn't hold it against him.

It pops into my head from time to time and I often wonder if I was right to just move on from this straight away. It does occasionally play on my mind.

I suppose I'm wondering, if you were in my shoes, would you have been bothered by this? Or would you forgive & forget?

Must be exhausting for you OP. All that worry and stress over something that happened a decade ago. Something which was/is absolutely none of your business.

What do you care if some girl was paid to flash her tits at your fiance? I've been on many many hen nights and believe me, the women did A LOT more than look when in the presence of a MALE stripper. And most of them were married! But that's ok though isn't it.

It's rediculous to call a man who walks into a strip club a misogynist. Can't women decide to strip for a living if they want to. I did it for a few years, believe me the only people being exploited were the men who paid me. They were absolutely fleeced from the moment they set foot in the club. I mean absolutely fucking fleeced, bled dry, practically robbed. We charged for entry, for drinks, snacks, it cost $10 to walk through the door, $35 to sit "stage side", as in the tables next to the podium. It was made clear by the bouncers that any guy sitting stage side and not tipping the girl performing, would be beaten up, we had a signal for this, at the end of the show, if a guy didn't give cash we would put a hand on their shoulder, they thought we were flirting🙄 ! Bouncers would come up and "remove" them. A private dance was $150, for that the guy was taken into the back rooms and told to sit down, there was a bouncer in the corner. If the guy so much as lifted his finger off the arm rest during the dance, it would be broken by the bouncer. Dance supposed to have lasted fifteen mins, but mine never went past 10. There was nothing sexual about the process, in truth not even for the guys paying. They were always railroaded into it by their friends. Private dances are like hard liquor, most guys say they like it, but in reality it tastes vile and they tolerate it because they think it makes them look more of a man.

I made $1000 on a bad night, up to $4000 on a good night when the stock brokers came out. Easiest money I ever made. Don't know where this idea that girls who work in strip clubs are being exploited came from. They aren't. And all the guys were just ordinary jobs on a pub crawl. Most wouldn't have the balls to fuck me if I had offered it straight up. No offence.

But to still be thinking about something that happened ten years ago🙄. That's just crazy.

I wouldn't have let it slide when he told me 10 years ago. You did, so I don't think it's exactly fair to bring it up again UNLESS there's something in his behaviour that is making you re-examine the incident? If he's a good guy and his behaviour has proven that over the past ten years then I think there has to be a statute of limitations. If he's a misogynist and the lap dance was the first in a long line of incidents then it's a different story.

A man who uses a strip club is a misogynist. And a male stripper is a different kettle of fish due to societal imbalance/patriarchy. This red herring comes up every time

I don't know any women who go to male strip shows either, different circles.

Never

Please enlighten me as to why it's different for women if the stripper in question is male?

Perhaps because there isn't a world wide trade in trafficked men?

10 years ago. Let it go OP.

The entire post from Whowouldathunkit makes me want to be sick. Male bouncers standing around to make sure other males don't damage the wares. How sad that you seem to think that this is somehow empowering.

Seedy, gross, disgusting. So glad I'm married to someone who wouldn't go to a strip club.

Can you really not see the difference Who? Really truly?