Do your DC ( particularly older ones) have Christmas wish lists?

[Spotsbeforemyeyes]

Dh and I have disagreed on this.

We have 6 DC, 23, 21, 15, 13, 11, 7

Every year they give us lists/ ideas of things they would really like for Christmas. They all have the same amount of money to spend.

I do the Christmas gift shopping, DH pays for the majority of it (95%ish )

I try and get at least one of their wishes and fill out the rest using my own initiatives.

Last year part of dd's gift was eye brows tattooed.

This year ds asked for a contribution towards a new tattoo ( he's 21) which he got done last week.

Dh has just moaned about this saying this is mercenary and next year we're not doing lists.

For context, dh is the kind of person that buys gifts that he likes not what he thinks the receiver will like. For example, I've told him time and time again I don't like stripes or thick jumpers, because he likes them he still buys them. I take them back.

Maybe this is an aibu.

I'd rather get the kids ( or anyone else) things I think they'll like and use.

How do you guys work things?

I only have 2 DC who are similar in age to your eldest 2, they write 'Santa Lists' still which I use as the basis for their Christmas gifts from us and close family. If it is a high ticket item we may combine or give them a contribution towards it. We (mainly I) then get some extras that I know they will like for their stockings and to bring a fun element to the gift giving. I also try to get one large present usually an experience that is a surprise to everyone but me.

I don't usually get surprises but again have a wish list that I send DH, just so he has a starting point, and he does the same for me which is really helpful as he is very difficult to buy for and has specific things for hobbies that I wouldn't know where to start with.

So it's ok for the DC to "ask" for things they'd like? X

I made my teenage DC write lists, though I did suggest things! Too much possibility of getting it totally wrong at this stage. I made it clear that they wouldn't get everything on the list.

My teens want cash but I ask them to for a list of physical things too as the tree looks bare (money is sent by bank transfer) and it's fun to open a gift however old you are. I ask for a list as I don't want to waste money. Their tastes are very specific and returning/exchanging is a hassle.

Yes we still do and my parents and dh do as well.

Why wouldn't I buy them something they want or need.

Yes, we all do, even though this is now an adult house. Too many individuals with specific interests to waste money on gifts that are okayyyy instead of amazing and just what you wanted. We all have surprise stockings too, that everyone contributes small and inexpensive gifts to.

No list

But DD 5 does voice the odd "I wonder if Santa will get me a..." And I make sure it's bought

Honestly they're only little still my kids but I'd love a list
I hate wasting money just for the sake of buying something and would rather the money go somewhere or was wanted

When I was a kid we got one "want" off each parent, big or small, within reason.

Increasingly as we got Older it was cash over things or cash towards things like holidays/tattoos/driving lessons etc.

Now they buy DCs presents but not me.

We would get a stocking and some other presents (books, clothes, etc.)

When I heard the "something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read" I thought it was perfect but I never stick to it and always go over it.

I think it's important to have some "wants" in childhood it makes it magic

I would just give money to the older ones so they can spend it on what they want.

I asked my two teenagers for a list. They asked mostly for useful stuff, such as travel mugs, socks, an umbrella, and eldest DD wanted a new dance leotard. Have added a few other bits, but would much rather have a list of stuff they actually want than buy them things that are going to end up stuffed in a drawer unused all year

We've always done suggestion lists.
If something is a definite 'No' then we say so early (eg too grown up or too expensive).

My parents are ASKING for a suggestion list and I’m nearly 50yo!

As you said, it helps giving to people something they like and enjoy rather than random tat that so many people moan about in MN.
My dcs are teenagers and definitively have a suggestion list. Because I’m struggling to find ideas for them and because THEY are struggling for ideas too (their comment is that they already have all they need/want - bar the really expensive stuff that we are unlikely to buy lol).

I would agree with your DH ONLY if your dcs were then grumpy/disappointed I’d they didn’t get what was on their list. Or were entitled and expecting expensive stuff as a matter if facts and we’re angry/annoyed if they didn’t get it.
Seeing that it isn’t the case, I think your DH is wrong.

Btw if he has seen you repeatedly taking stuff back because he bought what he likes knowing you dint, how in earth did he nit get the message after all those years??.

Why shouldn’t it be ok for the dcs to ASK for something they want btw?
Asking doesn’t mean they will get (at Keats nit in my house anyway).
But it does mean yu have an idea of what to get them,

bumblebee if i remember well, we started a list to Santa around that age (like a letter to Santa type of thing), making it clear Santa can’t give everything you want and sometimes he also enjoys giving surprises.
It has worked well in that the dcs have always known they will nit get everything from their list so there is less ‘expectations iyswim’

Thank you for all of your responses. I'm glad I'm not bu.

The older DC ( adult ones and 15 and 13 ) know what the budget is and so give me a couple of ideas for a main gift. They don't know what I'm going to choose from the ideas list.

He says it just like ordering from Amazon when they tell me what they'd like. I disagree.

Over the years when the DC were much younger dh would go mad ( imo) spending loads of money on them, far more than they needed. I was the one to introduce a budget a couple of years ago because it really was ridiculous. Now he doesn't like the budget idea.

He said next year we're not doing lists, I said well I am. Then he said you can't tell me what to do but isn't that what he's trying to do?

Gahh, he's impossible to reason with if he thinks he's right.

And no, no-one is upset. Everyone gets something that they've covered and everything else is a bonus

Well I'm 32 and I have some family members ask to see my Amazon wish list every year and I love it when they have one too. Don't see it as any different as long as they know it's not a list of demands.

My parents ask me and my 2 older sisters for lists and say the more ideas the better because it means we really don't know what it is we will be getting, and the earlier the better as they can get sorted earlier so less stress, but also means we have forgotten half of what we put on the list by Christmas!

They also ask us exactly what to get the DC and do follow the suggestions, and just add something they think they will like too (we also get surprises)

I wouldn't write one unless they asked, but they say it takes stress off them

A list is absolutely essential! There's nothing worse than buying gifts that you think people (especially teenagers because they haven't yet learned to hide their scorn/disappointment/frustration when they receive unwanted gifts) will appreciate but end up muttering a thank you for and will shove to the back of a cupboard! What a waste of time, effort and money. So much better to spend the money in something they actually want/need!