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Original poster

Xmas party - embarrassed

35 replies

haudyer · 23/12/2018 04:01

Went to my work Xmas party last night; but I arrived late.

I'm new to the company and there hadn't been any chat about the party. I usually am punctual but a colleague from another department gave me a lift in and she was late.

Upon arrival she rushed to her department while I stood, floundering - the place was packed, I couldn't see anyone else I knew. I retreated against the wall to contact a colleague - who coincidentally was also late due to car trouble. I couldn't see anywhere to sit (for the meal) and was considering just leaving when someone from my department saw me, came over and said they were moving around to make space.

This was nice of them but I can't shake the feeling that it was out of pity; I wasn't part of their group / kitty, hadn't been included in pre party chat. I feel so stupid that I didn't realise. The colleague who came and said they were making space said I looked really tired - I had spent ages getting ready, so this really hurt. I've hardly been out since I had my dc three years ago. I just felt so out of touch.

I realise my colleagues took pity on me rather than wanted me to join in. I feel so embarrassed - just tolerated rather than welcome. Why didn't I realise? I wish I had stayed home, or left before they noticed me. It was awful, trying to make chat etc when so clearly crashing on their group.

What do I do when we go back in Jan?

OP posts:

sillywitch · 23/12/2018 09:05

I would consider yourself lucky to have nice colleagues. My workplace is very cliquey - it's highly unlikely anyone would have made space for you at our Christmas party...if they can avoid someone not in their clan, they will.

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 23/12/2018 09:10

Don’t worry. I felt a bit like you last week but one of the guys from IT said ‘let’s go and find a table shall we’ and we ended up sat with about 8 others and all had such a laugh. I never really hang out with any of them at work but it was great 👍 I do feel for you though, it’s horrible being the new one. I’m new too 🎅

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 23/12/2018 09:40

Are you the same poster that posted about this last week? If so, I'm sure you're overthinking this. Your colleagues probably didn't give it a second thought. Negative thoughts are clouding your judgement of the situation, making it seem a big deal when it's not. Go in to work as normal, your colleagues won't still be thinking of this.
And as for crashing in on them, well you weren't because they are your department and you had every right to be there as they did.

Gina2012 · 23/12/2018 09:45

But your colleagues were kind to you. Why do you view kindness as a pity party?

WardrobeInCrisis · 23/12/2018 11:05

You sound to have lovey colleagues!

It's the danger of middle of the night thinking - it's bound to be skewed!

Original poster

haudyer · 23/12/2018 11:11

Right, feeling much better. Thank you so much for the reassurances; I really needed them today.

It wasn't me who posted last week. However, I think in the New Year I need to work on my confidence. Going to think about that.

OP posts:

MrBennOfFestiveRoad · 23/12/2018 12:20

OP, my immediate thought on reading your post was that if I was one of your colleagues, I would be embarrassed that we hadn’t included you in the pre-party chat and arranged for you to sit with us ahead of time. Not because I felt sorry for you but because that’s what you do if someone’s new - maybe people were so preoccupied with their own Christmas stresses, you got forgotten. So it could be that you have turned it around and they actually feel more embarrassed than you!

disconnecteddrifter · 23/12/2018 12:34

I went to my Christmas party I've been there three years and I had to sit on the boss' table as no one had included me on their table. I didn't see it as being left out in the way that you did. I hadn't made any effort to be involved in pre party chat so kind of thought it was reasonable. It's not cos they don't like me, we all get on really well. It's just an oversight.
Please don't feel bad, build up your confidence - this will also come naturally once you've been in your role longer.

EnidButton · 23/12/2018 12:56

Definitely overthinking it. Did you have a drink? Because I always used to overthink nights out after a drink. It's just part of the after effects of alcohol if you're worry prone.

Absolutely nothing happened that you should be worried about or give another thought to. All sounds totally normal to me and no one else will have thought anything about it. Please don't worry.

CmdrIvanova · 23/12/2018 13:01

So disappointed that this isn't a 'gave the boss a lap dance/set fire to the restaurant trying to flambee the pudding' type story.

Guaranteed your colleagues thought no more than "Oh look there's haudryer, does she have a seat? No, budge up Kevin and Mabel", than moving on to moaning about the dry turkey and reminiscing about the time Jeff from accounts set fire to the restaurant whilst trying to flambee the pudding.

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