highs and lows of relationships- what does allow look like?

[RetiredDancer]

I've been married almost 11+ years and every now and again I feel really disheartened about our relationship. The little irritating things about my DH start to become more noticeable and magnified and it really makes me feel unattracted to him. I begin to almost lose my respect for him and dislike him questioning whether i should even be together anymore.

I'm not like this all the time but I have noticed I become like this during difficult times. Is this normal?

It's supposed to say what does low look like?

I think so yes.

I heard a saying once that said "A marriage is falling in and out of love many times, but with the same person".

Sometimes I think my DH is amazing, the kindest, loveliest, funniest guy and I am so lucky to have him.

Other times I think he is a selfish twat and he pisses me off.

We have been together over a decade that's just how it is. Anyone who is blissfully happy all the time is either, lying or in complete denial. I have a few friends like this, their DHs clearly don't give a shit about them, never do anything for them, never consider them and the wives are so happy. Maybe they have just witnessed that's how a marriage should be from their parents.

I think you need to look at your happiness over a year. If you have a crap month or two but the majority are happy then I think it's worth working at, if you are miserable most of the time, life is too short.

Thanks for your reply. I think that quote really sums it up so perfectly. That's exactly how i feel. Like ive fallen out of love with him. It was only last year that i was so happy with everything.

It's a good saying. If everyone bailed on their marriage every time they hit a rough couple of months everyone would be divorced.

It's taken me years to realise this though, I have always been a bit of flight risk, when the going gets tough I want to bail, but actually when it's good its good.

Marriages take work, reflection, patience and kindness, again I am learning this the older I get.

Also I think about the areas that are important in a relationship, some have strengths in some areas some have weaknesses but it needs to balance out. Things like:
Household chores
Sex
Finances
Quality time
Socialising
Hobbies/independence
Parenting

As you are also long term 'room mates' and you need to cohabit reasonably peacefully, if you are going to last 30/40 years.