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Loss overwhelming

6 replies

3beachmum · 22/12/2018 05:21

Hubby left Sept on our eldest childs birthday not coming home for the weekend saying he'd found someone else. We'd been together 18 years. 3 children. Unfortunately 2 family members were diagnosed with drain tumours 5 weeks later and dad died 2 weeks ago. His funeral was this week. My niece age 2 has had surgery and fantasticly continues to improve. Hubby wouldn't attend dad's funeral because he couldn't face others given he's had an affair and is now living with the person he had an affair with 2 hours drive away. We have 3 children 9,7 &4. He sees them every other week in the family home. I've been moving out to help care for dad until two weeks ago. Ex didn't say anything when dad died. He worked away and didn't return to have the children or help or attend a childrens prayers session we held for dad's grandchildren.... he's emotionally disconnecting more and more and becoming a work ahholic. He financiaĺy supports which is great. Prior to this we cared for two other family members one very elderly who died last Christmas and my mum who was ill for 3 months early this year. Shes now entirely better but just lost her husband suddenly.
The loss is hitting hard tonight... both my dad and husband. Mainly my husband at Christmas. We were a normal together high achieving family this time last year.
Illness and husbands affair and husbands abandonment and dad dying seem so much worse this Christmas when husband hasn't come home for Christmas and the children won't see him until new year. He left in Sept saying he couldn't take my parents being I'll any longer and he loved me but not in love any longer.... We'd always been v together and v hapy until last autumn. He was also made redundant and waited til he had a new job to tell me about his affair. We've just had 5 years of rubbish in 14 months... so hard!
He arrived a month ago telling me he still loved me and his other woman knows he does, but I have no contact with him now as he works away. I would forgive him but he is so bothered what others think. He came back the weekend after dad died (2 weeks ago) and said nothing about dad but 'when are you leaving, get out...' it was shocking. His personality has changed and he appears ill. But he'd worked 12 days straight... His choice. If he's not with me he appears unable to be civil to me.
Normally I view us as lucky, financially stable, well adjusted happy despite the circumstances people (the children & i) but as Christmas starts I feel so alone. Family are having us over Christmas day and we're busy new year but it doesn't plug the huge gaps left.
Son aged 4 wrote a letter to God for his grandpa tonight.
It's tremendously hard to not have hubby to share with. His gap is huge.
Mum and I don't have a similar thought process and she obsesses about my relationship breakdown. I'm going to miss dad so much we were so close and similar.
Any advice about hubby and coping with the loss appreciated....

OP posts:
BWcastle2000 · 22/12/2018 05:36

You have lost so much this year beachmum, ofcourse it’s overwhelming. It’s ok to feel like this over the loss of your Dad and your husband. It doesn’t sound like you have many people to talk to. Have you considered speaking to a councillor, just someone to help you?

3beachmum · 22/12/2018 05:41

The hospice offered this and I took up the offer but just ended up saying this sad tale of woe... she didn't say much. I have lots of good friends and I talk to them but Christmas is such a time for family.

OP posts:
3beachmum · 22/12/2018 05:43

The 1 counselling session did make me think I need to peruse a divorce and move on positively. Maybe I'm going to need to seek longer term counselling... it's only tonight as the holidays start it's all so fresh it's hitting hard. Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
BWcastle2000 · 22/12/2018 05:50

Beachmum you have the right to be sad. It’s been an awful year. Don’t keep it bottled up, you have friends and family who will be there for you. You have 3 beautiful children and people who love you. Use your support network.

bridgetosomewhere · 22/12/2018 06:03

I'm sorry beachnum what a horrid shitty time you are going through.

I hope you manage to enjoy Xmas day with your children and I agree with the counseller about making a plan in the new year and going ahead with the divorce.

Maybe that will give you some closure on one part of your life and allow you to grieve for your father.

I am truly sorry.

babysharkie · 22/12/2018 10:52

Definitely counselling, but you need to find the right person. Have a look online and go private if you can. If you don't fit, try someone else. You will get there. I'm sorry you are dealing with all this, it's really shitty xx

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