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Don't know how to deal with this.

16 replies

chocolypse · 21/12/2018 22:47

This evening ds played with dhs bike which was standing against the kitchen wall. He had adjusted the seat height and then left it on the floor. He then came upstairs and then played some maths game from school on the computer.

During this time DH had popped out and on his return he suddenly stormed through the room and pinched or something on ds's back and aggressively spoke to him telling him not to touch his bike even though he knows not to telling him he's a stupid boy etc etc.

I straight away told him to leave him alone etc it's only a bike etc. DH stormed off and ds was a bit shooken up and upset. I cuddled him and I told him he could get a little treat when we go shopping later on.

Before bed Ds complained that it was still hurting where DH had poked him. I checked his back and his skin has peeled away and looks sore where he's touched him. I took him to DH who was in bed at this point to show him. His response was to shoo him away and tell him to go away. He didn't even look at him. I told him that I don't know exactly what he'd done but he was sore. He just ignored me. Nothing. And proceeded to fall asleep as though nothing had happened.

I'm really really upset by the whole thing. First the way he spoke to him and then how he just doesn't seem to give a shit. I'm so upset. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 21/12/2018 22:50

Take child to doctor and get him checked out.
This is not the behaviour of a reasonable man

OrigamiZoo · 21/12/2018 22:54

Over a bike, that is a complete over-reaction, he must have pinched him very hard. Shock

Celebelly · 21/12/2018 22:55

That's awful :( has your husband been violent like that before?

chocolypse · 21/12/2018 22:57

He has never touched the kids. It was so aggressive. I don't even know how you can even pinch someone that hard. It was so quick. I didn't even see it as I was juggling baby in my lap when it happened. It's really shaken me. I don't know even if I can be with him anymore. I feel sick

OP posts:
Iamneverfull · 21/12/2018 23:07

Wow thats nasty, a grown man pinched a child?! He knows full blown well what he did was disgusting and thats why he isn't responding or looking at the injury he caused. When I was a child my dad did a few things that were violent to me, it has never left me. Im glad you are firmly on his side (my mum just watched and said i shouldn't have provokedXmas Hmm) I would gather some advice here and decide what to do asap. I'm very sad your son has been through that and for you too.

arsearsearse · 21/12/2018 23:17

In your shoes, I would demand a full and heartfelt apology from dh to ds, as a minimum. Otherwise, what kind of example is that to set to ds about how he can expect to be treated and how he can treat other people?

Your partner’s behaviour is horrendous.

Pomsinspace · 21/12/2018 23:25

This is abusive and is a serious safeguarding issue. He is supposed to protect his children not physically hurt them.
I don't think that is an appropriate punishment for touching the bike. A stern word would have sufficed.
Not sure how you'll get past this

HildaZelda · 21/12/2018 23:29

@iamneverfull, I was in your shoes too. Exact same situation.
My father literally kicked me down the hall to my bedroom (I was about 8. I don't even know what I had done, probably nothing) and as usual my mother just stood there and allowed him to do it while telling me I obviously deserved it. I'm nc with both parents now because of this.

OP, what your 'D'H did was completely and utterly wrong. I'm really glad to hear that you're on DS's side and that he has your complete and full support. That's absolutely as it should be.
I hope your DS is okay.

MayFayner · 21/12/2018 23:31

I’d go fucking nuclear if DH touched any of the DC like this.

A bike? In the kitchen..? If he’s so precious about it let him find an appropriate place for it out of the DC’s way.

Two things- 1) lashing out in anger and 2) being nasty and unapologetic even after he had calmed down.

Hope your DS is ok.

CatelynStark · 21/12/2018 23:36

He pinched your child so hard it broke the skin? I’d get my kid away from him now and stay away. Poisonous and abusive behaviour makes me feel sick. Your poor child!

MaderiaCycle · 21/12/2018 23:42

You didn’t answer the question OP. Has he been violent before? You say not to the kids.....

chocolypse · 21/12/2018 23:43

DS is still upset. I snuggled up to him in bed but he pushed me away saying that he was still upset about what happened. I told him that I was very cross and upset with his dad but it seems hes taking it out on me a little.

OP posts:
chocolypse · 21/12/2018 23:46

MaderiaCycle he's never been violent or even raised his voice before. I guess he is very passive aggressive, slamming doors, mumbling things under his breath, ignoring if he's angry.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 21/12/2018 23:48

He will be upset with you as it's your husband that did it!

MilkyCuppa · 22/12/2018 00:00

I can understand your DH being annoyed but nipping a child so hard it breaks the skin is not acceptable under ANY circumstances. Your DS probably feels you aren’t making enough effort to side with him and make DH apologise. You need to discuss it with him again. That’s quite a serious assault!

civicxx · 22/12/2018 00:27

if that was my husband I'd of kicked him out the house let alone out the bed.

That's disgusting behaviour. How dare he just fall asleep like that.

Hope your little one is ok

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