Just need somewhere to say this

[ByeGermsByeWorries]

My sons dad promised to collect him yesterday to stay for Christmas. He didn't show up. He didn't send a text. He didn't call.

My son is autistic and spent the whole of the last 2 weeks waiting for this date getting increasingly excited. He sat yesterday from 3:30 waiting on the stairs for his dad excitedly and as time ticked on and it became obvious he wasn't coming, there my boy sat, not moving just tears rolling down his face because he doesn't understand. It's 7am and he is still sitting there. Sobbing.

He was active on messenger and all through the evening, he just chose to ignore me and leave my messages, sms, and whatsapps on read.

My heart is breaking hearing my poor little one crying and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

You utter utter fucking evil bastard.

I may be hormonal but I’m sobbing over this. That absolute scum bag doesn’t deserve your DS’s precious love, he forfeited his right to that when he broke his own son’s heart.

You’re being an amazing loving and wonderful mum though this shitstorm. Sound super you have a nice DP now who cares about your DS

Poor, poor child and what a fucking bastard your ex is!

Ds may not be able to make a decision about what he’d like to do today as he Is so overwhelmed, you may find it easier to just give him two options from which to choose.

Thanks all. My partner has managed to cheer DS up a bit and get him to have a banana. He's a godsend. DS says he doesn't want to do anything today he just wants to keep waiting

Hopefully when I get showered etc his dad will have dragged himself out of his shithole and pick up the phone so I can give him both barrels verbally and find out what his reasoning is and see if we can salvage the Christmas my son was hoping for. I just know it's going to be something pathetic. He's still very immature for his age at times and I suspect it has something to do with an offer of a night out or an impromptu date or something.

Stopping contact is not the route I want to explore at the moment as DS likes visiting his dad and when he does go there he has a good time, this is a "first offence" towards DS as he has always shown up when planned and let me know when he is not coming but I'll certainly be making it clear he will not mess my boy around and break his little heart like this again or it's a very real consequence.

Sounds awful OP.
Maybe look on Amazon they have lots of good story books that help children understand seperation/loss/emotions. Might be a way to help work through this. Maybe make a very basic plan for the day. We are going to have breakfast then go to the park then watch a movie. It might help your DS shift focus and understand what is happening next. Good luck.

What a twat.

I think I'd have to take a photo of DS sad, camped out on the steps waiting and send it over to him saying LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

Then tell his mother....

Grrr I'm getting angry on your behalf!!!!

Your poor boy, it must be heartbreaking for him. You just want to fix it for them, don't you? I hope his arsehole father does turn up and hasn't ditched him entirely.

That's so sad. Why do some Dads do this?it's heartbreaking.
My Dad did the same to us but i was older.
It hurts terribly.
Can you cut contact to protect your boy?

for you OP. How utterly shit for everyone, your ex doesn't deserve your DSs love. I know it doesn't work like that though, DPs dad was a total dickhead and regularly missed contact with him as a child, and is still a shit parent and person yet DP still almost idolises him, I can imagine that is difficult to stomach as the mother. Well done for trying to maintain the relationship for your sons sake though, many would have tried to put an end to it as it's so much hassle in your position. It's bringing a tear to my eye thinking of your boy sitting on the stairs waiting, my late MIL described many similar scenarios to me regarding DP, I hope your DS gets to have a wonderful Christmas no matter who he is with.

How awful. Your poor little boy.

Could your ex’a Parents intervene? Contact their son and shame him into stepping up?

Breaking a promise to anyone is a very shitty thing to do, but to do it to his own child is just beyond the beyonds.

(Paraphasing) Can't you get his parents to ask him yo step up.

He's a grown man (well allegedly) His parents can't persuade him to do/not do anything.
Why should he get the chance of persuasion anyway, fuck him.If he doesn't want to part of this beautiful little boys life,Its his loss.
He deserves a daddy who will be there for him and not let him down and reading between the lines.
He seems to have that with op's dp.

I haven't spoken to EX-P mum in years upon years now despite the fact that he lives with her, because she just can't fathom the reasons why I left him. She can't see any wrong in him, babies him, and never ever pulls him up on anything.

He's a total fuckwit, your poor boy. I hope the sperm donor gets a long and painful dose of the runs.

I am so very sorry for your son.

Mother and aunt of autistic DC here.
I have no solution to offer - as you simply do not do this, to anybody.
But talk to his therapist to help you develop strategies and then make sure he learns to put your EX is on the list of 'people he should expect nothing from'.
It will get easier as he grows up.

Thanks Babyspider. My DP is absolutely fantastic with DS. DPs older brother has autism so he has a lot more well honed tools in his armory that he uses to comfort DS and that really helps me out and my boy knows he can trust and rely on him always, so at least there is still a father figure available to provide for his emotional needs where his birth dad falls short.

I'm about to try to call again and see if I can get a hold yet so may disappear for a while.

He's a grown man (well allegedly) His parents can't persuade him to do/not do anything.
Why should he get the chance of persuasion anyway, fuck him.

Because it’s not about him it’s about the boy.

And of course, despite being a grown man his family will have influence over him. That’s pretty normal.

However it looks from the OP’s update that in this particular case it’s not going to help.

If he lives with his Mum, isn’t she upset not to see her GS as planned OP?

Swallowing tears here reading this. I'm in a waiting room and welling up. My ex disappeared on Dd1 (25now). She still loves him.
Nothing I said ti him ever made a difference.
To this day I cannot work out how they are ok with this

No answer still

I wouldn't know if his GM was upset as she won't speak to me and hasn't for years, I imagine she would be however, EX-P does what he wants to do when it comes to her as she just let him run riot as a lad and never exercised any firmness.

She could express her upset but he wouldn't take any notice of her.

Basically what it boils down to is that he is immature, selfish and impulsive and has either gone for a last minute drink or somehow managed to end up overstaying at a mates or something like that and didn't have the balls to say anything so just left me on read thinking I'd go away. If he was crawling along the landing with Noro or something I'd have understood.

If he lives with his mother, surely she would be expecting her grandson to be the ing up for Christmas too? I wonder what she is thinking...

X posts.

My df frequently didn't turn up, spent my whole childhood disappointed. Contact faded out. I attempted in my teens to forge a relationship with him. When I had dc very young he seemed supportive, but visiting began to be haphazard and him not turning up. I moved and stopped contact. No way was she putting my dc through a similar childhood..
Been nc for 20 years.

My heart has broken reading this, your poor boy. You sound like a wonderful mother, and your partner sounds equally wonderful. I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this.

Now for your ex - you shithead, cruel, selfish, ignorant, rude, bastard. The whole world revolves around you doesn’t it, fuckwit? Never mind your beautiful son who has been gearing up for the moment he saw you walking down the path. You selfish bastard. My own father never stayed around... neither did my son’s. But at least they stayed away and didn’t make false promises like you do.

I’d tell your son a little white lie and say dad has been in touch and won’t be coming. That might help move things on from the waiting.

I wouldn’t make his excuses for him though. He can figure that out himself.

Finally FINALLY. He picked up. Sounding like he had a mouth as dry as the desert so was evident from the off that he's been out.

He apologised profusely before explaining that
apparently went out for lunch with friends and had too many. He didn't want to turn up half cut so he opened WhatsApp and messaged back ask if I could drop DS off later in the evening, but that he must have fell asleep before pressing enter and his phone was left with the app open.

He's coming over now for DS.

Now, I call bullshit on this explanation because surely your phone would close the app after a certain period of time? I don't know what type of phone he has or how exactly WhatsApp works but I'm more inclined to think he went out and saw my messages and thought "fuck her I'm enjoying myself "

I'll be giving him the third degree when he gets here but I'm not telling DS he's coming in case he just doesn't. If he does, I'm not sure whether to have him lie and say he was ill, or to let him tell the truth and have my son know a "piss up with the boys" meant more

My heart breaks for you both. My DD has a similar ex and she coped with it by never, ever telling my GS when his father says he's coming to see him. If by some strange chance the ex turns up my GS is thrilled, if he doesn't which is 9/10 GS isn't disappointed