Absent fathers and christmas

[Beatendownmum]

Little bit of background here..
So ex left kids and I last year for another woman, he has popped in and out of their lives really not been the greatest of dads to his daughters. Picks the girls up and throws them away as and when it suits him.
Very abusive and threatening towards me, has not seen the kids now in 2 months. To be fair too him he pays but only after a row. It was agreed he would give each daughter £50 for christmas last week. Not happened. Flat right refusing to get them a thing for christmas now. Turns out he is actually abroad with his girlfriend and her kids. Yes I was and still am very very angry about this! But am I being unreasonable?! He and the girlfriend genuinely think its ok to go away on holiday make sure her kids have a good christmas but not his? Im being told I am completely unreasonable and he will now not send them so much as a penny!
Very angry mum who needs confirmation she is not being unreasonable x

Yanbu, you know 100% that your not being unreasonable. He is a dick! Of the finest order. How old are you DDs? They will soon see him for what he is, which is also upsetting for them, because let's face it who wants to know that their dad is an arsehole, but it's the only way.
An another side of it, have you tried to speak to him about it properly, explained how it seems to them, that they're upset that their father has chosen to be with someone else's child at Christmas and not his own. You probably have but try putting it to him like that, in question form and calmly and then simplowait for his answer. It's easy for him of your going mad with him, he can just shout and then hang up/walk away whilst convincing himself that your a nutcase etc etc.
This is what I've started doing as if I'm calm then he can't do the above and I know that he is genuinely thinking that what he's doing is ok, doesn't make it easier as such but I can then go in knowing that my own concience is clear and that he is in fact an arsehole who my kids are better without.
💐 It's shit I know.

Firstly OP sorry your ex is such a dick and has been a pretty rubbish father. I think YABU at all. Your ex is the father of your children and be should want to see them and provide for them, it’s pretty monstrous actually.

It would irk me to see my ex splashing the cash on his new gf and her kids but rise above it and be the bigger person.

Thank you girls! Honestly they just cannot understand why I am so annoyed wish I had done the keep calm breath and let it go but I have never felt so disappointed with this 'man' as I do now and trust me he has done some truly awful things to me and my girls.
They are 8 5 and 3, the little 2 arent so phased about him but my eldest well she is so up and down it breaks my heart sad but I think she already sees him for what he is. She will say to mum oh dad is being nice this week things like that so she already knows he is a bit of a dick most of the time!
I have tried the its not right spending more time with your step kids etc but the man has no empathy at all. Not sure the girlfriend does either to be honest. I certainly would not be lording it up abroad with a man who treats his children so badly but there we go.

My mum** DD nanny x

He’ll learn as the stepkids get older and start prioritizing their real dad, and his daughters then want nothing more to do with him. Just focus on giving your dc the best christmas you can and ignore this cock.

His step kids are a lot older than the girls eldest is 16/17 I believe. Dont think they particularly like him he regularly wanders elsewhere then goes back, girlfriend is so obsessed with him she doesnt care as long as he goes back to her. Personally wouldnt have a man around my girls if they didnt like him. Clearly they both have the same morals. Ive worked every hour possible to give them a good christmas, you are right Cherries101 I cant let him ruin it for them anymore than he already has

Been in exactly yr position. Make your Christmas fun with lots of games and if he does nothing let him. Dint dance to his tune back off and say ' fine that is your choice' . He us using the children here , take away his control . My ex now doesn't see the children at all or even send a card but we are really happy and now I hv s partner they love. They also remember lovely Christmases and only stress and upset wheb he was involved . Change your behaviour and your kids will get it x

Excuse spelling can't find glasses

I really need too change my behaviour I put my hands up I shouldnt have reacted at all I know that now. I just could not believe he had not made sure his kids were sorted for christmas first before the girlfriends honestly I was so shocked I was throwing up!! Now I think to myself why on earth was I so shocked the man does not care about the girls he hasnt done since he left last year he really has been the most awful father to them so how stupid of me to actually believe him when he said he would send some money over for them for christmas... he cant buy them presents as he has absolutely no idea what they like anymore! I think this may well be the final nail in the coffin, he has no interest in seeing his own children anymore anyway. And thats his choice.
I will make sure my girls have a great christmas because that is what a decent parent does

You will look back in time with peace knowing you have loved your children and enjoyed them . My ex now ten yrs on has no one but still won't say he did wrong